Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Blame Canada!

Obot Left's resident faux-green democrat Natasha Chart is having something of a pwoggie hissy fit. Now you it's a general rule of thumb with pwogwessives that words mean much much more than actions. You don't need actual sticks and stones to scare a pwoggie - names are more than enough. After all, that's the whole raison-d'stupid behind the switch from 'liberal' to 'progressive.'

This particular dust-up was between Chart and author/antiwar activist/Kerry supporter Naomi Klein. Now, being Canadian, Klein probably isn't completely aware of all the nuances of the jellyfish left's doormat strategy when it comes to what's laughingly called "the culture wars" here in the good 'ol Red White & Blue. It's pwoggie doctrine, when confronted by the right's media attack machine, to immediately fall down on the floor and beg not to be kicked. That's pretty much how "liberals" became "progressives."

So, yeah, words. And the word that got up Chart's nose is 'reparations.' In the context of climate change, "reparations" means, in short, that the biggest world polluters should pony up for all the crap they've been spewing into the atmosphere that's been fucking with the worlds climate. That's how Klein, and most of climate change activists, use it.

You can read the gory details of the Chart-Klein brouhaha here. But the thing is, to Nutroots Nation shill-wannabes like Chart, the word 'reparations' carries with it the stigma of African-American reparations. An entirely different context, sure - but one that gets the right wing attack machine frothing at the mouth at it's mere mention. And we wouldn't want that, would we?

Like her masters, Chart knows that pandering to the conservative's base is the name of this nasty little game. The underlying assumption (one that certainly isn't limited to merit class pwogs) is that the American people are too pig-fucking-ignorant to discern what 'reparations' means in the context of climate change as opposed to 'reparations' for slavery. These intellectual inferiors must be mushroomized by their betters for their own good.

Instead, the brilliant pwogwessive solution is to change the word to something else. Something more benign and friendly like "climate debt" or "historical pollution atonement" or some such shit. That'll make it easier for their God-Emperor to institute his 11th dimensional chess strategy and get the big polluters to cough up enough dough to avoid the worst of the drought sure to strike Africa and maybe keep a few hundred thousand Pacific islanders from losing everything they own.

A simple review of the Obama administration's actions at Copenhagen reveals just how much they care about the effects of our pollution on other countries. (To sum it up for you, the official position is, in technical language, "We Don't Give A Fuck.") But delusional pwogs like Chart have convinced themselves that God-Emperor Obama really really-and-for-truly secretly want to help, but he's prevented because he can't use the word 'reparations' in his world-healing speeches. And it's all because those dirty greenie hippies like Klein just don't understand!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

I'm an old pwog hand...

As hopey changey hope for their Public Option Brand toy evaporates like a puddle of piss on a hot day, pwogs are naturally looking for a scapegoat. Fortunately, a ready made target is being provided by our pwoggie bloggie superstars in the shape of Joe Lieberman (I-Israel). Thus the pwog blogs are uniformly awash in a Joe hatin' frenzy the likes of which their freeper cousins usually reserve for Hollywood celebutards.

But that shit is utterly fucking predictable and therefore boring. Let's see if there's anything else our Fauxgressive Superfriends have to say:

No, please, after you...

Alas, A Pwog - "All of us realists know that this is the best health care bill ever passed in the whole wide world and if you don't believe that then you're a sociopathic monster!"

Balk the Left - "The only people who oppose this legislation are sociopathic monst-uh, wait, did someone cover this already?"

Diggly-Wiggly - "I'm a little disappointed in my boyfriend, but, IT'S ALL CONGRESS' FAULT!"

Gesundheit - "Tom Friedman is a sociopathic monster!"

NewsPwoggers - "We think whatever Keith Olberman thinks."

Obot Left - "Our maximum leadership on GLBT rights has produced mighty incremental victories on all fronts, and it's all thanks to me and the elite pwogwessive democrats of progressivism. You may bow before us now."

Pandadroppings - "Some county commissioner somewhere said the word "homo!"

Pwogman - "How DARE you oppose God-Emperor Obama! This is all your own fault, you ungrateful bunch of hippies!"

Shake-A-Puddin - "The rape culture spouse abuseres at Time didn't make teh wonderful and awsum Hillary Clinton "Person of the Year." Teh outrage!!!!!eleventy!!!!"

Grampa - "My asthma meds...the Netherlands...zzzzzzzz."

Lamey - "Motherfucking Bernie Sanders is the best motherfucking democrat in motherfucking history! Motherfuck! Buy my CD!"

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Music Video Saturday

This one goes out to Big 'Tard, Diggly-Wiggly and especially the crew at NewsPwoggers who mouth antiwar platitudes while at the same time support warmongering corporate fuckbots. Fuck the lot of you. Burn in Hell.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Ihre Papieren, Bitte.

Should it really be any surprise that technocratic merit-school demotards like John Ballard over at NewsPwoggers is so gung-ho over the REAL ID act? How could anyone oppose such a popular idea? Like Gaul, his argument for this intrusive piece of trash legislation is divided into three parts:

1 - Since the average republican wingnut hates the idea, there must be some merit to it. Anyone who would think otherwise is just a militia-joining survivalist luddite! So there!

2 - Europeans have national ID cards, so it must be a good idea! After all, they have national health care, Euro Disney and David Hasselhoff. What could go wrong?

3 - We've already given away what few civil liberties we ever had for a handful of shiny beads. So what's one more infringement? Huh? Answer that one, ya Glen Beck-worshiping birther!

But there's more to this lack of national identification papers than it's being "a national disgrace." (Yes, he actually writes that. I couldn't make that up.) No, the problem is much deeper than that. It's a matter of identity!

You see, without a national ID card, we have "...no uniform way to identify who we are." Yes, we are bereft of identity without a national, biometric ID card with a retina scan and up-to-the-second bank account information. How could you possibly know who you are when you don't have a document? How do any of us know who we are? Oh! The existential dilemma!

Monday, December 7, 2009

Health Insurance Hissy Fits.

It seems the latest news of the health insurance disaster worming it's way through Congress hasn't fully sunk in to the febrile brains of our elite pwoggie-bloggies quite yet. The crew at Diggly Wiggly, fer instance, appears oblivious (or perhaps just stunned) while Chris BowWow is busy throwing an epic tantrum because some injudicious knave had the temerity to point out that the Obot Left crew are a bunch of ineffectual, pandering little toady-wannabes. Maybe he should build himself a Fortress of Pwogitude like Pwogman!

But a couple of the pwoggie blogs have noticed this new wart on the ugly face of Obama's health insurance give away. Big 'Tard Democrat, a truly heroic know-nothing of the new left, has his usual weasel-word post up on the matter, though it seems less enthusiastic than his usual mindless cheerleading. Is The Big 'Tard losing his taste for Obot Brand Kool-Aid?

Shakey included a link to the story in a "healthcare" roundup posted below her smirking mug, but since the post doesn't contain cat pictures or obscure '80s nostalgia, few Shake-A-Puddin' cultists have noticed. Having her posts draw so few adoring responses is sure to bruise our Bloggin' Queen's delicate sensibilites and an "I Get Letters" style post demanding sympathy and validation is sure to follow. Get with it, Shakies!

(Update: Every pwogs fave-rave sellout BowWow weighs in with one of those faux-gritty not-really-telling-it-like-it-is posts he specializes in. Ya know, as often as he gets kicked by his DP masters, BowWow always returns to beg for those crumbs of recognition and access that keep his little pwoggie blog afloat. Isn't that marvelous?)

(Update: Is is possible that cognitive dissonance has driven BowWow bipolar? First he's throwing a passive-aggressive style tantrum, then he's all happy-dippy-dappy. Has trying to put a happy face on his democrat master's fuckery finally driven BowWow over the brink? Stay tuned!)

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Empty Threat Wednesday

With the God-Emperor's announcement of more troops for the Afghanistan meatgrinder, there's many a twist in many pwoggie panties these days. Despite having abso-tootly-ootly zero credibility when it comes to challenging their democratic party masters, such stalwart pwogs as Diggly-Wiggly regular tristero and Newspwogger Ron Beasley are threatening to boycott their local warmongering representatives in the 2010 up-and-coming.

Of course, such threats aren't to be taken seriously. There's still about a year for them to come up with excuses (or just totally forget they ever made the threat) before the rubber hits the road. "Words Over Actions" is, as we all know, the unofficial motto of pwoggie bloggie "activism." Anyroad, that should be plenty of time for demotard asshats like Chris BowWow and Pwogman! to mollify the recalcitrant jellyfish with hopey-changey brand rationalization for getting out to the polls and sending Senator BloodnGuts (D-Military/Industrial Complex) back to ramp up another slaughter from the safety of their plush DC offices.

With pwoggie capitulation as a forgone conclusion, the only real suspense to be found in this turgid little Z-Grade flick is - what will be the absurd rationalizations that will bring our revolting pwogs back into line? Will it be the standard appeals to lesser-evilism and crackpot realism with a side of sneer? Or will our mealy mouthed pwoggie apologists get creative? Personally, I can't wait to find out. Really. Can't, uh, wait.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Half Right / Half Stupid

The World According to Big 'Tard Democrat
(Summed up in pictures, as a public service, by DGH.)


"Not Okay."

Pwoggies are funny in a teeth-grinding kind of way. I'm referring to their penchant for combining two different statements, one right and one astonishingly fucking wrong, in a single innocent paragraph. It's the pwoggie bloggie equivalent of covering a bad idea with a good idea, like plague-infected rat brains covered in chocolate, and hoping nobody notices.

And speaking of plague-infected rats, our latest example of this trend comes from the repulsive Big 'Tard Democrat, (the lowest wattage bulb on the Townhouse listserv) who tries to leaven his shitty chickenhawk warmongering with a little obvious social criticism:

"I support the President's policy in Afghaistan. I did not support the Nobel Committee's idiotic granting of its award to President Obama."
Just this once, believe it or not, I am forced to agree with Big 'Tard Democrat. Blowing Afghani women and children apart with hellfire missiles is probably bad form for a Nobel Peace Prize winner. But, unlike Big 'Tard, I'm not in favor of killing them in the first place.

Oh, and FUCK YOU, Big 'Tard. Srsly. Right in the ear.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Pwog Riders In The Sky

With the God-Emperor expected to announce an escalation of the Afghanistan Bloodbath any day now, lets check in on our herd of fearless activist truth-to-power tellers and see how they're reacting...

Alas, A Pwog - "We must place the cost of the Afghanistan Bloodbath squarely where it belongs, on the backs of the working poor!"

Balk the Left - "We koswhacks must support our Emperor in his mission to murder Afghanis!"

Gesundheit - "Lookit the wingnut!"

NewsPwoggers - "We predict our Emperor's escalation of the Afghan Bloodbath will piss off both those dirty hippie peaceniks and those bloodthirsty warhawks. (Wow, writing this stuff sure is easy when you don't take sides! Weeeee!)"

Obot Left - "I-know-you-are-but-what-am-I?"

Pandadroppings - "Lookit the wingnut!"

Pwogman! - "Lookit the wingnut!"

Shake-A-Puddin' - "Someone sent me a nasty e-mail, so I'm demanding extra praise today. Plus, off with their heads!"

Lamey - "I'm on this wingnut mailing list and, uh, and, FUCKCOCKSHITBALLSBUYMYCD!!!"

Friday, November 20, 2009

Afghanistan Bananastand

Koswhack Big Turd Demotard recently got a crumb from his DP masters in the form of a conference call with Snarlin' Arlen Specter (R/D/Weves - PA) and was dazzled by the veteran scumbag's double-shuffle on Afghanistan.

Senator Specter's position is that he opposes troop increases in Afghanistan and even questions maintaining troops in Afghanistan unless the effort is "indispensable" to the conflict with al Qaida.

Golly! In demotard circles, that almost makes Senator Sphincter a dirty hippie peacenik. Of course, just a cursory inspection of Specter's actual voting record reveals his real chickenhawk feathers. Specter never met a bloody-handed slaughter he didn't like. But real actions made by real people in the real world are generally dismissed by fauxgressive warhumping fucktards like BTD as "cherry picking." With pwoggies, actions mean nothing. Words are everything.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

That's the Pwog Calling the Liberal Cowardly!

Shorter Diggly-Wiggly:
It was those mean republubthuglicklicans that made me call myself a pwogwessive instead of a wibberal. Plus, this CNN poll proves the House health insurance bill is juuuuust right.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Pwog Bites Man!

Chris BowWow, the noisy pwogwessive poodle of the demotard party, is yapping his fuzzy little face off at the those few democratic representatives who would dare deny him his public option chew toy. Amongst those threatened with immediate replacement is Dennis Kucinich (D-Hobbiton), perhaps one of the few d-side representatives actually worthy of support:

"Off-hand, the easiest eight might be Kaptur (Progressive), Murtha (leadership), Boyd (primary challenge), Kissell (threats from donors, doesn't raise money well), Kucinich (Progressive, often faces primary challenges), Massa (Progressive), Murphy (never actually had to win a primary, still might face one) and someone."

Displaying enough gall to divide into three parts, this lackwit of the fauxgressive left states, right after his little hissy-fit hit list, that he himself is not in favor of launching mighty mighty pwogwessive primary campaigns against Kuchinich, et al. Surely not! Oh heavens, no! (But, of course, he couldn't stop anyone from doing so.)

Never mind the public option chew toy is a foul-tasting scrap of Congressional snausage. Nevermind that lameass pwoggie primaries invariably turn to shit. (Who was it that ran against Holy Joe Lieberman? Anybody?) What's really interesting is, because he's occasionally invited to some low-level DP soirees, (thanks to his astonishing ability to raise small amounts of dough from rubes on teh intartubes), BowWow is starting to believe his own press Michael Cimino-style.

And that's the point where his mental illness is our gain. It's one thing to maintain the illusion of clout, but trying to wield it is when the hilarity truly starts.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Pwoggie Bloggie Roundup - Now With EXTRA Bold Flavor

It's been a while since we roped and branded a few pwoggie doggies, so here's the health care insurance reform legislation wrap up:

Alas, A Pwog - "This is a wonderful historic landmark bill that will solve everything. Except for the Stupak amendment."

Balk the Left - "This is a wonderful historic landmark bill that will solve everything. Except for the Stupak amendment."

Diggly Wiggly - "I'm a little disapointed in my boyfriend."

Gesundheit - "This doesn't really have anything to do with me, does it?

Newspwoggers - "This is a wonderful historic landmark bill that will solve everything. Except for the Stupak amendment."


Pandadroppings - "So this Stupak amendment is really wrong and, hey, did someone just compare me to Glenn Beck? TEH OUTRAGE!!!"

Pwogman - "HRC is an imporatant, um, er, did you know that Sen Franken (D-AIPAC) can draw a map the United States from memory? Teh Awesum!"

Shake-A-Puddin - "Say, you know, I'm getting the feeling that Our Party doesn't really care about...oh look! Movies!"

Grampa - "I just heard this talking point your gonna love. (Mumbles a talking point from sometime around the Crimean War and falls asleep.)"

Lamey - "Suck Jizz Nipple Cock listen to me on Stephanie Miller!"

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Happy Guy Fawkes Day, Republicrats

"God's Will" or Somebody Else's Fault

The meltdown continues at Obot Left, where the amendment failure in Maine has caused Bink to break his brain. (By George! I think he's got it!) "Maximum Leadership" Bink's conniption is a minor masterpiece of rationalization. He blames, in rough order:

  • Poor field operation decisions
  • Undecided voters
  • The DSCC
  • Organizing For America
  • The National Equality March (Big surprise.)
  • God-Emperor Obama
  • Sunspots
  • Biorhythms
  • The Economy
  • Ralph Nader
  • Attention-Deficit Disorder
  • The Brown Acid
  • Voters (in general)
  • The Jersey Devil
  • Bad Valves
  • Bad Cholesterol
  • Bad Bad Leroy Brown
  • Gypsy Curses
  • The Curse of the Bambino
  • Heather Locklear's imminent return to Melrose Place.
  • China (the country)
  • Chyna (the wrestler)
  • Swine Flu
  • The Grinch
  • Ralph Nader (again)
  • Lumberjacks
  • The White Man's Burden
  • Disappointing Box Office Returns for Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant.
  • Ernst Stavro Blofeld
  • The Dewy Decimal System
  • Dirty Greenie Hippies
  • Gansta' Rappers
  • Chupacabra
  • Fluoridation
  • Volcanic Activity
  • Styx (Especially everything after "Cornerstone")
  • Poor Ventilation
  • No socks, no shoes, no service.
  • That one guy in back who makes that whistling sound when he breathes through his nose. You know the one? Yeah, that guy.
  • Bad Cell Phone Coverage
  • Bad Grammar
  • Bad Company
  • Russian Nesting Dolls
  • The Heartbreak of Psoriasis
  • Kyser Sose
  • Leprechauns

Of course, the pwoggie's failures to date couldn't have anything to do with their suppression of movements outside of their party, could it? After all, "Maximum Leadership" and his fauxgressive friends have worked tirelessly to drive a spike into anything and everything they don't control, from the Anti-War Movement to the National Equality March. And they've been reasonably successful at it, too.

Does poisoning the well make the water undrinkable? Not if your a pwogwessive like Adam Bink. Pwogs get their water bottled, straight from the DNC and sanitized-for-their-protection. Well water is for peasants.

(Update: The hissy fit rolls on. Adam's decided his masters owe him an apology - and he might even get it if he can keep the gAyTM running. You go, Maximum Leadership!)

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

It's My Conspiracy And I'll Cry If I Want To

Last night's elections seem to have made several of the a-list pwogs blow a seam or two. But more on that later. For now, witness:

Shorter NewsPwoggers:

"This new TV show proves, yes proves that anyone who opposes Our Leader's policies is an insane right-wing conspiracy theory nutball! And the MSM is in on it! This is proof! Proof I tell you! Proooooooof!"

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

The Future of Pwogwessivism

(This ain't nothin' compared to Shake-A-Puddin.)

Every now and then, some freeper trog-with-a-computer stumbles across every pwogwessive's fave-rave personality cult Shake-A-Puddin' and, in a fit of disorientation, hurls a brickbat or two on his own blog before passing out from his diet of Moonpies and SlimJims.

This may sound like a bad thing, but it's not. Indeed, if this didn't happen occasionally, Melissa would have to invent them. These incidents provide our Intarweb Goddess an opportunity to garner some much needed adulation by proving how horribly persecuted and terrorized she is to her weepy cat-picture-posting mass of nostalgia besotted followers. Here's just a sample of the worship Melissa demands of her "Shakies":


((hugs)) You are a diamond in a muddy world...

Melissa, you shine like a bright deed in a weary world. (Ed. - This is, believe it or not, a Willy Wonka reference.)

You're so incredibly brave.

I wish you all the warmest hugs and I just... I'm so glad you are as you are.

You're awesome. Truly.

You're quite inspirational, if you didn't already know that.

People with amazing special abilities never feel they're special themselves, because
from the inside, it doesn't feel like anything amazing: it's just how you are.

My eternal and profound thanks to you, and everyone who helps you, for this space,
this content, this sense of tolerance and belonging.

You're wonderful and lovely and strong.

I can't thank you enough for everything.

You give my love a reason to keep going.

Thank you. Your writing and this space are a light shining.

Truly, this happens every time someone says something mean about Melissa and/or Shake-A-Puddin' on Teh Intarwebs. I'm not kidding! Every time some jerk(s) mouth off on a message board, Melissa posts it up on her site and immediately receives the kind of mindlessly reflexive praise that Sun Yung Moon would give his left holy testicle to inspire in his followers. With fanaticism like this, how can poor Emperor Obama compete?

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Headzapoppin' 2: Electric Boogaloo

Meanwhile, at that bastion of DNC ass-kissing - Balk the Left, Big 'Tard Democrat is desperately trying to beat the flames out in his comments section. Seems like someone let slip about a certain AP article which outlines just how crappy the much coveted Public Option Brand toy really is. Unfortunately, he's using an "Impeach the Source" type of squirt gun on the inferno and, like all know-nothing fauxgressive DP shill-wannabe's, Big 'Tard can't take the heat...

Friday, October 30, 2009


(But you prooooooomised!)

Pwogwessive heads are popping like champagne corks all over the intarwebs upon the news that they might not get the crappy Public Option Brand toy they've been bugging daddy 'Bama for. Even worse, they've been bragging about it to their little friends, pets, passers-by and anyone who'll stand still long enough to listen to their shrill, whiny voices enumerate the wonders of daddy 'Bama and the super-duper Public Option toy they're gonna get.

Well, you can imagine the reaction.

You'll likely find no better example than, MoBetta BowWow, who even now is shrieking like a two-year old (Egotist! Traitor! Ignorant! Waaaaaaaah!) flailing his arms and threatening to drop the banhammer on anyone who even mentions that he's been taken with one of the oldest 'bait and switch' tricks in the book. Check out the comments section for some prime lip-frothing tantrums the likes of which hasn't been seen since Ralph Nader announced his 2004 run.

Pwogman! Strikes Again

(Thank Obama! It's Pwogman!)

In the tin-foil shiny constellation of Pwoggus Bloggus, no star burns dimmer than that Champion of Pwogwessivism, that hero to faint-hearted faux-liberals everwhere, Pwogman! And the latest addition to his cheerleading routine, issued from deep within his Fortress of Pwogitude, is a real doozy, kids. Whilst dribbling on Friedman-style about something of which he's completely ignorant, Honduras in this case, Pwogman! actually-and-for-true wrote:

"I can't think of another example, either, but that is mainly because this is the first time America has sided with democrats against its own ostensible business-interests."

Ladies and Germans, this is proof positive that Pwogman! truly is the superhero of the pwogwessive world. How do I know? Because the amount of sheer, unadulerated, 100% USDA inspected prime stupid used to construct a statement like that could only have been made by someone who could take ordinary stupid and crush it down to a pure, concentrated, heat-fused, essence of stupid with his bare hands. It's Super-Stupid!

Of course, anyone who has a couple of functioning braincells and the ability to read simple sentences knows about the God-Emperor's support for the Honduran coup regime, that regimes horrific slaughter of dissidents and the sham elections gearing up to lend a thin veneer of legitimacy to the coup. One only has to read Neil's column over at A Lovely Promise or Phoenix Woman's famous debunking of administration lies about the coup to get a fair idea of what's going on in Honduras.

So how could Pwogman! be so astonishingly, astronomically, and other words that begin with a-ingly wrong? Speculation abounds. My own theory is that the Fortress of Pwogitude is literally made of Super-Stupid, a stupid so dense that no truth can possibly penetrate. Thus, Pwogman's inner sanctum would be impervious to the obvious truth about his God-Emperor's support for the Honduran coup.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Fix ballots for Pwogwess!

Shorter Pwogman!

"You know, Our Party has a long history of rigging ballot laws against inherently evil third party and independent candidates, and I'm grateful for that. But maybe it's time we start our own party-within-a-party. We could call it The Spineless Progressive American Drone Democrats of America for Progress. Could somebody check with Nancy Pelosi and see if it's okay?"

STFU, Faggots!

Shorter Adam "Maximum Leader" Bink @ Obot Left:

"Okay, here's your goddamn crumb from Emperor Obama. Now shut the fuck up forever and buy my book!"

(It should be noted that Adam appears to still be in a snit over the unauthorized-by-the-gay-elite National Equality March thing, so he's probably been a wee bit on edge lately.)

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Pwogs Declare Pyrrhic Defeat

First of all, the pwoggie bloggie elite would like you to know that the inclusion of a public option in the senate heath insurance giveaway bill is a massive, massive historic progressive victory in the most progressive historical era ever in the history of massive progressive victory history. Or something like that.

At the same time, these crackpot-realist pwogwessive jellyfish caution their followers, (sometimes in the same fucking paragraph) that it's not good to be too optimistic that the much coveted, sought after and slobbered over public option will actually do much of anything to reduce the average peasants health care costs. After all, this is sausage making, you dirty fucking hippy. Now shut up and send your check in to ActBlue!

Monday, October 26, 2009

Pot...Kettle...You Do The Math.

From Shake-A-Puddin', Teh Bestestest Evar Website On Teh Intarwebs Evar BBF LOL, comes this little gem of utter zombiefied cluelessness:

"I'm endlessly fascinated amused by conservatives' obsessive need to consume nothing but conservative media. It's not good enough to listen to music or watch a movie or whatever, they're constantly seeking conservative music."

The Shake-A-Cultist, I've already forgotten which one it is (and, really, does it matter?) goes on to snark at conservitards for their tendency to prefer Fox News and Garth Brooks over MSNBC and Pearl Jam. My gosh, what a brilliant observation! Why, there ought to be a website devoted to just that subject.

Let's remember context. This statement appears on one of the premier pwoggie cult websites, a place dedicated entirely to the emotional, intellectual and financial support of a single guru-wannabe whose idea of political activism is posting pictures of her cats for the adulation of her braindead followers. (If only there were a website devoted to just that subject.)

NO dissent is tolerated at Shake-A-Puddin' lest it interrupt their efforts at "teaspooning." (A concept which I have abso-tootly-ootly NO desire to investigate, as I have a low tolerance for 'ick'.) In Melissa's Fabu Kingdom, even the mildest disagreement with Her Highness' pronouncements is banhammered into oblivion. Nothing is allowed to disturb her beautiful mind. Shake-A-Puddin' is a veritable intarweb fortress, safe from the constant efforts of bullies and trolls and and and orcs and goblins and ghouls and vampires and zombies and the Taliban and dirty greenie hippies and Mobutu Sese Seko and the Basque Separatists and neo-nazi cannibals and John Kenneth Galbraith and just everybody who is trying to marginalize and silence her unique and gifted voice.


Truly, the Intarweb is the only place where McEwan's batshit insanity could go unremarked. Well, and maybe Utah. But that's as may be. Certainly Melissa has created for herself a "safe space" where her every little middle-class merit school opinion is instantly validated by her hand-picked cadre of droolcase pwogwessive cultists. And why not? Wouldn't everyone like to build a little snow fort from which they can pitch snowballs at the cold, cruel world outside?

The fact that Shake-A-Puddin' is little more than the pwoggie mirror reflection of sites like Little Green Turdballs never dawns on our neurotic teaspooning intarweb goddess and her gutless pack of craven toadies. How else would statements like the above be possible? In the bi-polar world of pwoggies and freepers, self-awareness is something that happens only to other people.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Are you all done barking, little dog?

Mo'Betta Bowers (Actual Size)

Over at Obot Left, Mo'Betta BowWow all but admits he doesn't give a fart in a high wind what's actually in the 'public option' just so long as there's something he can call a 'public option' so he can go home and concentrate on Dancing With The Stars or whatever. But hey! I can't be bothered either, since:

1 - I'm enjoying a spiffy new flash game on ArmorGames called Clockwords - Prelude.


B - Emperor Obama already cut a deal, probably much like this one, with his health insurance industry buddies.

So, yeah, there's zero suspense here except for that generated by fauxgressive DP flacks for their droolcase demozombie followers. Pantomime activism is a pretty good way to keep the proles in line and get yourself invited to all the right cocktail parties, but it's not terribly exciting viewed from the outside.

Trust me, the flash game is far more interesting.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

All Praise the God-Emperor! - Part Umpity-Zillion

Something on the wind is making the herds of pwoggie faithful nervous. Maybe it's the bloody escalation of the Afghanistan slaughter. Or maybe they're finally sensing the long hoped for and coveted public option is going to be just another pathetic bait and switch. What ever the cause, another of the "Dare To Believe The Dream Of Hope For Change" posts has popped up, this time at courtesy of DP flack-wannabe Mike Lux at Obot Left.

As faux-liberal think pieces go, it's pretty much more of the same. First the usual "most important historical era ever in the history of ever" drivel. Then comes the booklicking; comparing God-Emperor Obama to Washington, Lincoln, FDR, Ghandi, Nelson Mandela, Saint Sebastian, Jesus, Osiris, Paul Bunyan and some guy named "Remo." And then the inevitable exhortation to Obama's glassy-eyed personality cultists to keep following Dear Leader into the glorious future where Ipods rain down on the faithful and cluster bombs rain down on brown people.

Here, as the strippers say, is the blow off:
If progressives, and regular working Americans, see Obama pick a side- our side- and really fight for it, no matter what happens over the next 3 years, we will stick with him and fight for him, too.
Who are we kidding here?

It's the job of party shills like Mike to keep up a wafer-thin pretense of independence, as if there were some instance, however distantly theoretical, in which they might not support their God-Emperor. But only those with the metal capacity of a mildly retarded clam actually believes it.

(Update: Chris BowWow, the annoying-little-yappy-dog-that-everyone-wishes-would-dash-out-into-the street-and-get-run-over of the Democrat Party, joins in the mindless worship with a paean to the God-Emperor's $700 Billion Bank Giveaway. This despite Barofsky admitting that all of the money won't be payed back. Hosanna Superstar!)

Monday, October 19, 2009

Lemme explain how really stupid you are...

Shorter Mo'Betta BowWow:
"Third party voters aren't stupid because their vote counts for the opposition. That's an arrogant lie! Third party voters are stupid because their vote doesn't count! Haha Dirty Greenies!"
(Hint: BowWow, maybe you don't get the attention swing voters get because your masters and betters don't have to worry about your fucking vote. They already have it, dumbass.)

Ya know, if I get to vote for who goes up against the wall when the revolution comes, I'm gonna vote for BowWow.

(Update: pwoggie pundit-wannabe Paul weighs in with the usual sneering condescension evinced by your average demotard. "Them dirty fucking hippies are crazy!")

Friday, October 16, 2009

Sing Ye Praises To The God-Emperor

As the A-list pwog blogs frantically work to sell Emperor Obama's mega-give-away to the health insurance corporations as the greatest reform since the Magna Fucking Carta, the lesser pwoggies are busy too. Everyone according to their abilities is the rule, and no one has less ability than personality cultist and full time demotard Shake-A-Puddin. Here she's straining to keep up the glassy-eyed cult forged around their God-Emperor last year:

"What I love most about the Obama presidency so far is its genuine commitment to ethnic multiculturalism. And I love seeing a non-white First Family, and a multi-ethnic non-white First Family, at that. And I love pictures..."
You can read the usual hosannahs to Shakey's wisdom in the comments, but I wouldn't recommend it. Anyone who dared disagree Shakey has long ago been purged, leaving a Whitman's variety assortment of faux-liberal shut-ins, weak minded lesser-evilists and cat picture enthusiasts.

In short, the remaining cultists are a moderately unbearable lot. I'm brought to wonder, though, if Shakey is as impressed with her Emperor's multi-ethnic approach to bombing and torture. Maybe that's what she means by Obama's "genuine commitment."

Thursday, October 15, 2009

100% of My Friends Agree I'm Wonderful

Somehow I missed this little comedic gem in the general dross of a statement issued from the Fortress of Pwogitude yesterday.

"We have clout. But we lose clout when we're seen as uncharitable blowhards. Most of the bloggers that I respect expressed agreement with what I wrote."

Where the fuck do I start? With Pwogman's delusional assertion he has "clout" with his God-Emperor? The even wackier claim that this imaginary clout is dependent on his being nice to said God-Emperor? Or Pwogman's irrefutable proof of his own correctness - that his pwoggie bloggie friends all agree with him?

Oh, but wait! There's more!

"Nobody is harder to bullshit than the people of the progressive blogosphere."

Wait a minute...I think we have a winner.

Remember, this issued from Pwogman - a brown-nosing koswhack pundit-wannabe who has dedicated years to swallowing his DNC master's bullshit and shitting out sparkly rainbows of rationalization for his fan base of lesser-evil know-nothings. Pwogman is literally made of bullshit. That the spineless fauxgressive bobbleheads he calls "friends" all agree with him should only serve as the final indication that whats issuing from his Fortress of Pwogitude should be treated as the toxic sludge it most assuredly is.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Fwo him to the gwound, Centurwion!

(The NewsPwoggers)

A quick scan of the pwog blogs brings us this astonishingly stupid comment from the NewsPwoggers political commissar:

"The strongest weapon for party discipline is the incumbent challenge primary."

I will wager you that a more counter-factual statement will not be made today outside of the UFO blogs. Incumbent re-election rates hover in the 95% bracket across the board. Everyone who hasn't been living in Koswackistan knows this. I mean, fuck, Joe Fucking Lieberman lost his primary and still got re-elected (with massive DP support.)

How these Cheeto-stained pajama wearing couch-dwellers think they can send $20 to ActBlue and call it "activism" is beyond me. But even more hilarious is their fervent belief that their DP masters and betters give a ripe shit about the little Ned Lamonts of the pwoggiesphere.

Because, truly, the only purpose these pwoggie candidates serve is to suck up money and support from the gullible boobs that follow the A-list pwogs. It's not to keep people in the DP so much as it is to keep them out of movements independent of their control.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Pwogman to the Rescue!

As fallout over the administration's little truth-slip continues, Pwogman is forced to employ his mighty powers of STFU in order to quell the disturbances in rank-and-file pwogwessives:

"Ooh, some big, bad White House adviser defended the administration against one more heated attack. My feelings are hurt. Guess what? You should get over it."

Aside from making some truly bizarre claims ('Obama has ended torture, prevented the Second Great Depression and cured all forms of cancer with his Holy Hope for Change!') Pwogman's point is that only he and his do-nothing demoshill pwoggie brethren are allowed to criticize the God-Emperor. Harrumph! Harrumph!

Why? Well, because they support Him uncritically and unconditionally in everything He does! So, of course, Obama must love them the best of all! And all you hyper-critical Hillary supporters have to STFU in the face of superior pwoggie Hope for Changeyness! So there! Eleventy!

I don't know about you, Dear Readers. But it looks to me like the pwogs have finally joined their freeper cousins in the Broken Brain Club for Political Naifs.

Speaking only for me.

(Update: Violet Socks has formulated the perfect response to Pwogman's pathetic little temper tantrum.)

(Update: Big Tent Demotard, representing the crackpot realist Clintonista wing of the pwoggiesphere, weighs in with his own STFU. He's not nearly as good as Pwogman mind you. But that's why he's Pwogman! if you get my drift.)

Monday, October 12, 2009

Putting Out The Flames

A White House flack let slip the truth about elite opintion re: fags and bloggers. Now their pwoggie bloggie minions are twirling frantically as they attempt damage control, and nowhere is the twirling more frantic than Obot Left. The casually truthful remark has prompted multiple posts from the deadly duo of pwogwessive opinion makers BowWow & Bink in a desperate attempt to beat out the flames of pwoggie indignation.

Frankly, I'm not entirely sure why they're bothering. Everyone knows the DP has abso-tootly-ootly nothing to fear from the clutch of spineless Regan Democrats calling themselves "progressives." They'll always vote for whatever corporate scumbag has a 'D' next to it's name and they milk easy for cash. As a political movement, they're about as threatening as a mildly retarded hamster. There's simply no down side to insulting them to their spotty, Cheeto-stained faces. I guess what I'm sayin' is:

Why not kick a pwog?

(Update: Mo'Betta accepts the WH apology on behalf of all pwogs everywhere. Could this be the year BowWow's well established piss-yellow gutlessness reach legendary status?)

Friday, October 9, 2009

Ig Nobel Awards

Today's Headlines - US Emperor Wins Peace Prize! Pwoggies Twirl In Ecstacy! Meanwhile - US, Afghan forces kill Afghan child in raid. And now, lets check the pundits...

Alas, a pwog - Barry won a Nobel. Lookit the wingnuts!

Balk the Left - Mr President - turn down this award!

Diggly Wiggly - This is the final proof that all Repububthuglugrapelickans are TERRORISTS!!!1!!eleventy!!!1!! (Via Ko$)

Gesundheit - This award for our Emperor proves once and for all that Charles Krauthammer is a big ol' stupidhead!

NewsPwogs - Shouldn't we wait for our Emperor to do something to deserves this honor? Or not. Whatever.

Obot Left - Pwogwess At Last! All Mildly Hail Our Emperor Obama Who Hath Our Skeptical And Unwavering Support!

Pandadroppings - Wait until I finish this mix tape...

Pwogman! - Hurrah for Emperor Not-Bush! Send in your checks now, suckers!

Shake-A-Puddin - Well, uh, we, um, uh...fer Gawd's sake, tell us what to think Melissa!

Grampa - Eh? Whut? Git offa mah lawhn!

Lamey - Hooray for Our Emperor! Buy my CD! Fuck!

(Update: Diggy - Lookit the wingnuts! Haw! My boyfriend rocks!)

(Update: Mo'betta BowWow - Yay team! Go team go! Whooooooooot!)

(Update: Dave "Send Your Checks In" Sirota - Hastens to assure the Pwoggie ATM they can disagree with the DNC and still be nice little obedient pwogwessives. Plus, you can vote for warmongering democrats and still be anti-war. Plus, you can lose weight by eating ice cream. Comments Update: "Traitor!")

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

"I'll Give You Such A Pinch!"

Shorter Sirota @ Obot Left

"Say, has anyone else noticed that our electoral system is totally fucked and the Democrats are total fucking corporate sellouts?"

Shorter Pwogman!

"Anybody But Bush! Anybody But Bush! Naderite! Traitor! Narcissist! Burn him! Buuuuuuurn him!"

Environmental Clusterfuck

This is how bad things have gotten.

Over at Obot Left, (Home Base for the Demotard Droolcase) Natasha takes Third Way greenwash expert Bob Shapiro to the woodshed for missing the obvious solution to our CO2 problem. Grow more trees! This, she asserts, will reduce atmospheric CO2 concentrations down to the 350 level by absorbing the CO2 out of the air.

Sadly, no.

Perhaps it has never dawned on Natasha that trees generally don't grow to the height where the CO2 we're talking about is. Maybe Natasha is a city-dweller and is unfamiliar with how tall trees get. Hard to believe, since she helpfully cites the Wiki for 'tree' in her article, but not outside the realm of possibility. More probably, however, is that Natasha is just another smug little pwogwessive dumbass who doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about.

But let's say we're talking about the CO2 trees can reach, not just the CO2 that's already driving us passed the 45o mark. We can use trees to create carbon sinks that will capture and (temporarily) store CO2. She'd got that much right. But we can't grow these sinks fast enough to significantly reduce CO2 concentrations unless we reduce our already rapidly rising CO2 emissions in the first fucking place.

But that's not the funny part.

This is level to which environmental discussion has fallen on the pwoggie blogs. Natasha the pwog is looking to score some debate points off of Shapiro the DLC'er in true useless do-nothing pwoggie-bloggie fashion. Natasha doesn't know enough to care and Shapiro doesn't care enough to know. If these two get married, their children will be made of 100% apathy.

And that's the funny part.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Not very funny, but accurate...

Darn Them All To Heck!

Chris Mo'Betta BowWow, who is such a DP lapdog that he regularly gets invited to yap on TV chat shows, is raising the standard of revolution!

"Incivility is not the source of our problems. However, thinking that our problems are caused by things like incivility is a major problem we face. If we keep suggesting fake, bullshit solutions to serious problems, then we will never get to the actual source of those serious problems and thus have no chance of solving them."

Really? Bullshit solutions. Hmmm. You mean like Cap and Trade? Public Options? COIN? In fact, just about every policy puppydog Chris' party has dumped on the people of the American Empire and it's victims all over the fucking world???

Fuck you, Chris. Seriously. Fuck you right in the ear, you shitty little fauxgressive fuck.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

BowBow Breaks the Toady Meter

Shorter Mo'Betta BowBow:

How DARE you dirty greenie hippies object to our masters giving themselves more money and staff! Don't you know our masters are so destitute they have to have our friendly lobbyist backers write legislation for them? Now get back in line and send in your checks to ActBlue!

Monday, September 28, 2009

Back in the Saddle Agin...

(Video courtesy of MediaGhost)

That the small group of bloggers we mock here at DFH are a feckless bunch of couch-wanking turds whose only interest is to see their "team" win "the big game" (like politics is a fucking college football game) is pretty much self evident. But, really, you don't particularly need me to show you this bunch of self-congratulating circle-jerkers are the ass-end of the demotard party.

Keeping that in mind, lets see what our klubhouse kids reported about the G-20 protests in Pittsburgh last week. You may have heard about them. They're the ones where protesters and students were gassed, clubbed, shot with rubber bullets and disappeared for the dastardly crime of marching without a permit.

Alas, a Pwog - Nothing

Balk the Left - Zip

Diggly - A single article on the use of the LRAD and that's only so she could make a shitty pun.

Gesundheit - Nada.

NewsPwogs - Wins the Douchebags of the Year Award for actually criticizing the protesters being gassed, bludgeoned, shot, etc. Fuck these guys sideways. Srsly.

Obot Left - A single article written only so they could link to Diggly's shitty pun.

Pandadroppings - Nothing.

Pwogman - Zero.

Shake-A-Puddin - Nil.

Grampa - Whut? Wuzzat? {Snore}

Lamey - Fuckity Fuckity GlenBeckFuck! Listen to me on Stephanie Miller!

Why do these Imperial crimes go unreported on the pwoggie blogs? Sure, they're democrats, so they're by definition good citizens of the Empire. But is that really the reason? I'm not sure.

Maybe it's because nothing ever really touches this mealy-mouthed soft-fingered cringing bunch of suburban mandarins. They don't give a shit about health care reform because if they did they'd be fighting tooth-and-nail for single payer. No, the only reason the care at all is because they were promised a "public option"- an all-but-useless agglomeration of half-reforms and band-aids. Now that it looks like they might not get even that, they're kicking and screaming and pitching a tantrum like toddlers who've had their collective lollypop yanked away.

In the end, well, look at it this way - the Empire had to deploy 4000+ cops to deter the Sept 24th protesters. How many riot cops do you think they'd need to deter the mighty forces of the intarweb pwogwessives. (Hint: you can deduce the answer by examining the above list.)

Friday, September 18, 2009

Get The Fuck Over It!

There's nothing more exasperating than a pwogwessive with hurt feelings. Witness the constant, unending whining of BMB Bink, a regular at Obot Left, whose concern trolling over the National Equality March would make a saint want to slap Adam's pissy little face with a cestus.

His continued jihad against Cleve Jones (a "Random Gay Activist" apparently) and really anyone not under the thumb of his little cadre of elite DNC gays, has become more teeth-grindingly annoying than a roomful of Andy Dick clones. Go read Adam's passive-aggressive masterwhine if you dare. I can't bring myself to even quote that piece of shit.

(Update: On the other hand, let's go with Adam's oh-so-strategic plan and wait for our masters and betters to throw us a dime from their limo. With friends like this, I'm sure it'll only take thirty or forty years.)

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

G-20 Sided Dice

Posting will be light, as I'm off to visit beautiful Pittsburgh for the G-20 summit of robber barons. See you on the streets!

(Update: The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat has published a truly invaluable series of visitor guides to Pittsburgh. I personally plan to use them instead of Fodors.)

Monday, September 14, 2009

You are cordially not invited...

The natives must be restless. Paul Rosenberg, one of the careerist democratic party apparatchik wannabes over at Obot Left, has penned a mighty defense of our corrupt "two party" electoral system. What it breaks down to, of course, is the usual hippie punching, rose garden promising and condescending crackpot realism that issues every now and then from fauxgressive bloggers worried about their invite to next years DP sponsored Nutroots Nation event.

Certainly Paul would want us to quit working on IRV, have all the people we've gotten on school boards and city councils quit, and disband entirely to make room for his oh-so-progressive merit school time servers. But I won't bore you with a take down of this mealy-mouthed inanity, especially since commenters here and here already did it for me. Instead, let me extend an anti-invitation on the behalf of all social and political movements in the US to Rosenberg and the rest of his do-nothing demotard friends.

Paul, Adam, Chris, et al. Please. STAY THE FUCK AWAY.

Thank you.

(Update: "Useful idiots! Stooges!" While desperately trying to stamp out the flames in his comments section, gatekeeper-wannabe Rosenberg loses it completely, spewing a-historical bullshit in ever more frenzied circuits. Hi-larious!)

Saturday, September 12, 2009

The Last One

The Last One

Well they'd made up their minds to be everywhere because why not.
Everywhere was theirs because they thought so.
They with two leaves they whom the birds despise.
In the middle of stones they made up their minds.
They started to cut.

Well they cut everything because why not.
Everything was theirs because they thought so.
It fell into its shadows and they took both away.
Some to have some for burning.

Well cutting everything they came to water.
They came to the end of the day there was one left standing.
They would cut it tomorrow they went away.
The night gathered in the last branches.
The shadow of the night gathered in the shadow on the water.
The night and the shadow put on the same head.
And it said Now.

Well in the morning they cut the last one.
Like the others the last one fell into its shadow.
It fell into its shadow on the water.
They took it away its shadow stayed on the water.

Well they shrugged they started trying to get the shadow away.
They cut right to the ground the shadow stayed whole.
They laid boards on it the shadow came out on top.
They shone lights on it the shadow got blacker and clearer.
They exploded the water the shadow rocked.
They built a huge fire on the roots.
They sent up black smoke between the shadow and the sun.
The new shadow flowed without changing the old one.
They shrugged they went away to get stones.

They came back the shadow was growing.
They started setting up stones it was growing.
They looked the other way it went on growing.
They decided they would make a stone out of it.
They took stones to the water they poured them into the shadow.
They poured them in they poured them in the stones vanished.
The shadow was not filled it went on growing.
That was one day.

The next day was just the same it went on growing.
They did all the same things it was just the same.
They decided to take its water from under it.
They took away water they took it away the water went down.
The shadow stayed where it was before.
It went on growing it grew onto the land.
They started to scrape the shadow with machines.
When it touched the machines it stayed on them.
They started to beat the shadow with sticks.
Where it touched the sticks it stayed on them.
They started to beat the shadow with hands.
Where it touched the hands it stayed on them.
That was another day.

Well the next day started about the same it went on growing.
They pushed lights into the shadow.
Where the shadow got onto them they went out.
They began to stomp on the edge it got their feet.
And when it got their feet they fell down.
It got into eyes the eyes went blind.

The ones that fell down it grew over and they vanished.
The ones that went blind and walked into it vanished.
The ones that could see and stood still
It swallowed their shadows.
Then it swallowed them too and they vanished.
Well the others ran.

The ones that were left went away to live if it would let them.
They went as far as they could.
The lucky ones with their shadows.

-from The Lice, copyright 1977 by W. S. Merwin

Friday, September 11, 2009

Shocked! Yes, shocked I tell you!

The wonder-genius pwogwessives of Obot Left have just this moment discovered there just might be a teensy weensy little corruption problem in our nation's capital. They've found one of our finer lobbyists is greasing Madame Pelosi vis health care insurance legislation. Quelle horreur!

The excuse making began almost immediately in the comments. Cries of 'coincidence!' rang out from the demotard faithful, though personally I like the plan to bribe her with scads of pwoggie cash. Or, better yet, we could get the entire Obot Left crew letters of transit and get them the hell out of Casablanca.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Bestest Pwesident Evar.

A round up of pwoggie bloggie reactions to God-Emperor Obama's latest speech on health care insurance dereform, brought to you as a public service by DGH. No, don't thank me. Just doin' my job:

Alas, A Pwog - "Um, no comment."

Balk the Left - "Our Pwogwessive Bwock will make daddy give us our crappy plastic toy!"

Diggly Wiggly - "Hearken to the words with which God-Emperor Obama commandeth thee!"

Gesundheit - "DRINK! DRINK DRINK! (first!)"

NewsPwoggers - "I never expected anything from the guy I voted into office so I wasn't disappointed. It's true! I wasn't! Plus, that absolves me of all responsibility. Plus, society is to blame."

Obot Left - "This is a massive victory for our Pwogwessive Cause of Hope for Change and totally justifies our unconditional worship of God-Emperor Obama. Bow down! Bow down!"

Pandadroppings - "{Gasp!} Some pissant representative heckled Our President! Oooh! I feel faint..."

Pwogman! - "Obama's made a brilliant castling move in his 11th dimensional chess match! But how will it affect Our Party in 2010?"

Shake-A-Puddin - "Obama's speech sucked. Health care is a right, not a privilege." (Hey! Shakey got something right! Pardon me while I scoop my jaw off the floor.)

Grampa - "Whut? Who? You kids git offa mah lawn!"

Lamey - "Motherfucking cockmongering motherfuckers! Buy my CD!"

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Yes, NOW.

BMB Bink ("Vidkun" to his friends.)

Self-appointed LGBT "leader" Buy-My-Book Bink continues his crusade to keep the pressure off his party and keep the gAyTM pumping out money and votes. Today, instead of shitting on organizers of the National Equality March, BMB aims to dump on the whole movement with finger-wagging little scolds like:

"So screaming at the President for not taking action on every single piece of LGBT rights legislation NOW NOW NOW and resorting to snark and whining is one tactic to pressure the Administration. I'm not sure it's the best one."

Bink presumes to tell people how they should think and what they should do. Strangely, this "advice" always winds up going against those people's best interests and going for the interests of his do-nothing corporate party. Why is it, do you suppose, that slimey DP flacks like Adam are so desperate to retain their second-class citizenship?

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Shorter Short Man's Disease

Shorter Lame Gimick Pundit:

"Don't these Eugene Debs quotes make me look tough? You bet they do. Oops! I'm late for Howard Dean's hourly fellatio!"

He's just not that into you.

Shorter David "Smeagol" Sirota @ Obot Left:

"How could our boyfriend dump us for that nasty Glenn Beck? {Sob!} It doesn't surprise us. No it doesn't. Nuh uh! We saw it coming year ago. Glenn is such an evil bitch! Gawd we hate hate hate him! And after everything we did for the ungrateful bastard. Washing his socks - picking him up from the airport - and this is the thanks we get. And the neocons! And the Blue Dogs! They were against us from the start!

So, do you think he'd take us back?"

Friday, September 4, 2009

You're dead to me.

A grave threat against President Obama has arisen that may threaten the progressive revolution and the very foundations upon which this nation is built. World stability itself may hang in the balance. Fortunately there are a few progressive bloggers fighting hard to safe guard Our Leader, Our Nation and Our Progressive People Powered People. What is that threat? Its...

Behold! The Obot mortal enemy!

Yes! Those dastardly Gayz are out to sabotage God-Emperor Obama's 41 dimensional chess strategy by insisting he live up to his campaign promises! Why can't the gAyTM just shut up and keep dispensing cash and votes like good little pwoggie bloggie doggie democrats? Adam "Buy My Book" Bink at Obot Left explains how the march is sure to be a big ol' failure because, well, he and the Nutroots Nation crowd don't approve. And he's not going! So there!

(Update: Check out BMB Bink try to marginalize Cleve Jones as a "Random Gay Activist" on this Bilerico thread. Way to shoot yourself in the foot, Adam.)

(Update On Mo' Time!: Having moved along the Five Phases of Pwoggie Grief from 'Sneering' to 'Petulance,' BMB Bink throws what we hope will be his last bloggie tantrum on the matter. Stay classy, Adam!)

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Let's Make A Newlywed Feud

As God-Emperor Obama ramps up the carnage in Afghanistan and our embassy in Kabul turns into Col. Kurtz's camp from Apocalypse Now, lets check in on the mighty, mighty, oh-so mighty forces of the pwogwessive punditry...oh, fuck it. Let's skip that for now and have some fun. Lessee, what do other blogs do for easy cheesy blog filler? Hmmm... How about the bloggie version of Bloopers & Practical Jokes? Something like:

The First Annual DGH "Dumbest Comment On A Thursday" Contest

Vote in the comments for your favorite contestant. The winner will receive a "Dumbest Comment" trophy made of genuine cubic zirconium, a copy of the home game, a full set of Random House encyclopedias, a set of cocktail coasters from Dicker & Dicker of Beverly Hills, a box of buffalo steaks and whatever is in the box beside which Carol Merrill is standing. And now, let's meet our newlyweds!

  • Contestant #1 - "Berry self-IDs as black, as far as I know. But although she’s got an Oscar, I’m not sure she’s A-list." (WTF?!? Exactly in what universe does this person live, in which Halle Berry is a white b-list actress? I mean, Halle Freakin' Berry!)
  • Contestant #2 - "More and more I am convinced the opinions of Senators and Representatives are irrelevant. What matters is the weight of real public opinion, and the point where public consensus is finally reached." (Did the meek suddenly inherit the Earth when I wasn't paying attention?)
  • Contestant #3 - "I know there is still in him (Obama - Ed.) a giant plush community organizer letting people make mistakes, but we elected the President of the United States. (This just might be the most incoherent thing any Obot has ever written on teh intarwebs. Srsly.)