Fix ballots for Pwogwess!

Shorter Pwogman!

"You know, Our Party has a long history of rigging ballot laws against inherently evil third party and independent candidates, and I'm grateful for that. But maybe it's time we start our own party-within-a-party. We could call it The Spineless Progressive American Drone Democrats of America for Progress. Could somebody check with Nancy Pelosi and see if it's okay?"

Fwo him to the gwound, Centurwion!

(The NewsPwoggers)

A quick scan of the pwog blogs brings us this astonishingly stupid comment from the NewsPwoggers political commissar:

"The strongest weapon for party discipline is the incumbent challenge primary."

I will wager you that a more counter-factual statement will not be made today outside of the UFO blogs. Incumbent re-election rates hover in the 95% bracket across the board. Everyone who hasn't been living in Koswackistan knows this. I mean, fuck, Joe Fucking Lieberman lost his primary and still got re-elected (with massive DP support.)

How these Cheeto-stained pajama wearing couch-dwellers think they can send $20 to ActBlue and call it "activism" is beyond me. But even more hilarious is their fervent belief that their DP masters and betters give a ripe shit about the little Ned Lamonts of the pwoggiesphere.

Because, truly, the only purpose these pwoggie candidates serve is to suck up money and support from the gullible boobs that follow the A-list pwogs. It's not to keep people in the DP so much as it is to keep them out of movements independent of their control.

D Al C Franken (D - AIPAC)

Progressive Hero Franken entertains the troops at Abu Ghraib

Pwoggie blogs across the intarwebs are celebrating today as the Minnesota Supreme Court has finally certified one of their fav-raves, Al From Franken as a corrupt party hack bookend to our state's other famously corrupt party hack, 5th district rep. Michele Bachman. That makes a filibuster-proof 60 seats for The Other Corporate Party! Hooray!

Of course, none of these fauxgressive know-nothings are mentioning Franken's DLC ties or pro Iraq War views (before deciding to run for office, of course). Hell, if you happened to be listening to Franken's now (thankfully) defunct Air America radio show back in '04, you would have been regaled (between skin-peelingly bad comedy skits) with Franken's tales of fellating former DNC chair Terry McAuliffe under the table at DC fundraisers.

But nevermind! Franken's whopping 41.9% progressive victory is being hailed as the most bestest awesomest victory in the history of history evar!!!1!!one!! A few samples from the comments:

Welcome to the Senate!

Senator Franken! It's long overdue.

Also, first!

by: Starving Student NYC @ Tue Jun 30, 2009 at 14:36

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"Would it be a good strategy for Franken to rally a crowd outside the governor's mansion starting tomorrow morning demanding the certificate?"

tireiron chef | 06.30.09 - 2:58 pm

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"I want to mail Senator Franken my copy of Lies and The Truth, and have 'em autographed.

For my eventual grandkids in twenty-or-so years. :o)"

doktor_wankenstein

Of course, anyone who wants real change would rather jump out of the Overton Window than vote for a maleable corporate stooge like Franken. But, on the up-side, this gives our pwog pundit-wannabes a whole new politician with which to be deeply, deeply disappointed.

Also, first!

(Update: The mighty progressive forces of the intarwebs are getting a jump on making excuses for their masters and betters.)

(Update: Citizens On Patrol! - Check out Booberry's double-fake-reverse "Franken doesn't matter" rationalization for added hilarity.)

(Update: Mission Moscow - Kudos to Shake-A-Puddin' for dispensing with the ass covering excuses and going right to demobot cheerleading mode. There's one honest pwog for ya.)