Tuesday, June 30, 2009

GP Prez'l Candidate Held Captive By Israel

Traitor to the Democratic Party and God-Emperor Obama

The former congresswoman that pwoggies love to hate, 2008 Green Party presidential candidate Cynthia "Traitor to the Party" McKinney, is being held captive by the Israeli apartheid government. Read the particulars here, because you won't hear about it on the pwog-blogs.

(Update: The GP is calling for the release of McKinney and the 20 other hostages Israel is holding.)

(Update 2 - The Revenge: Okay, I usually don't bother with pwoggie blogs like DKo$ because, well, it's a fish barrel situation. But this bat-shit insane koswhack is truly hi-larious!)

(Update 3 - Son of Update: More about Israel's ongoing crimes at GPWatch.)

D Al C Franken (D - AIPAC)

Progressive Hero Franken entertains the troops at Abu Ghraib

Pwoggie blogs across the intarwebs are celebrating today as the Minnesota Supreme Court has finally certified one of their fav-raves, Al From Franken as a corrupt party hack bookend to our state's other famously corrupt party hack, 5th district rep. Michele Bachman. That makes a filibuster-proof 60 seats for The Other Corporate Party! Hooray!

Of course, none of these fauxgressive know-nothings are mentioning Franken's DLC ties or pro Iraq War views (before deciding to run for office, of course). Hell, if you happened to be listening to Franken's now (thankfully) defunct Air America radio show back in '04, you would have been regaled (between skin-peelingly bad comedy skits) with Franken's tales of fellating former DNC chair Terry McAuliffe under the table at DC fundraisers.

But nevermind! Franken's whopping 41.9% progressive victory is being hailed as the most bestest awesomest victory in the history of history evar!!!1!!one!! A few samples from the comments:

Welcome to the Senate!
Senator Franken! It's long overdue.

Also, first!

by: Starving Student NYC @ Tue Jun 30, 2009 at 14:36

"Would it be a good strategy for Franken to rally a crowd outside the governor's mansion starting tomorrow morning demanding the certificate?"


"I want to mail Senator Franken my copy of Lies and The Truth, and have 'em autographed.

For my eventual grandkids in twenty-or-so years. :o)"


Of course, anyone who wants real change would rather jump out of the Overton Window than vote for a maleable corporate stooge like Franken. But, on the up-side, this gives our pwog pundit-wannabes a whole new politician with which to be deeply, deeply disappointed.

Also, first!

Monday, June 29, 2009

A Mighty Fortress is our Pwog

Shorter dday @ Diggly-Wiggly

Any time a minor media pundit like CiCi Connolly slaps us around, it means our grassroots progressive campaign for progressive change is on the edge of a massive progressive victory. Support your local democrats! Send your checks in today!

Later - Shorter Diggy:

Cici, leave my ex-boyfriend president vice president aloooooone!

Sunday, June 28, 2009


You won't hear much about this on the pwoggie-blogs yet, if anything at all. It'll probably take them awhile to come up with excuses with which their do-nothing Dembot fans will feel comfortable. But it is, as they say, to laugh:

Obama issues signing statement on $106B war bill

The Obama administration announced in the statement it would disregard provisions of the legislation that, among other things, would compel the Obama administration to pressure the World Bank to strengthen labor and environmental standards and require the Treasury department to report to Congress on the activities of the World Bank and International Monetary Fund (IMF).
So, as a public service to these know-nothing slackers, I'll just go ahead on and make their pathetic excuses for them. No, don't thank me. It's just the kind of swell greenie lefty hippy I am...

Alas, a pwog - We waited three weeks before deciding to write about how shocked and deeply, deeply disappointed we are in Our Dear Leader. But he's still better than Bush. So there.

Digby - I don't understand. I just don't understand. How could my boyfriend President do this to me? It must be Congress' fault! Besides, he's still better than Bush.

Newspwoggers - WE ARE OUTRAGED! God-Emperor Obama has forfeited our always skeptical crackpot-realist support. Well, at least until the next election because he's still better than Bush.

Shake-A-Puddin - Look at this kitteh! Isn't he cuuuuuute?

Pandadroppings - Look at this republitard! Isn't he craaaaazy?

Brain Fell Out - My amazing progressive powers have kept Obama from doing something even worse than this. But I am oh-so weary! I must repair to my Fortress of Pwogitude for awhile. Say, isn't Obama just so much better than Bush?

The Lameass Gimmick Pundit - You haters are all so stupid! We have to give Obama time to impliment his super-secret progressive plan. Plus, Ann Coulter is a bitch-cunt!!! Ha! Boy am I shocking! Aren't I shocking? Buy my CD!

Friday, June 26, 2009

Pwoggie Bloggie DRAMAH!

Dig this, Kats 'n Kittens. Okay, so, there's this so-called "public option" crap in the Health Insurance Industry Give-A-Way bill. It's weakass tea, and it's pretty much doomed to fail, but it lets DP politicians brag to the rubes at home that they tried to solve the health care crisis. And after all, we don't want to let the absolutely shitfaced corrupt be the enemy of the good, now do we?

Now, earlier this year, Snarlin' Arlen Specter (Redneck, PA) changes allegience back to the conservative Ds after being on the conservative R side for umpty-ump years. (As if there's really that much difference.) Thing is, he wants help from party higher ups to make sure he keeps his seat because there's this conservative demotard leftover from Rhamses I inane "Fightin' Dems" 06 campaign making a run at the PA primary.

So, in exchange for some string pulling, Specter agrees to vote for the dumbass "public option" even though he said he wouldn't. After all, it's dead in the water anyway, and it'll make a few yinzer chuckleheads happy, so what the hell. It's win-win, right?

Here's where it gets funny.

Meanwhile, in the alternate bizzaro world of the Intarwebs, DP lapdog-wannabe Mo'Betta Bowers has been doing his yappy dog cheerleader bit for the aforementioned conservative "Fightin' Dem" Joe Sleestak or whatever. Seeing Specter's flip flop on the public option nontroversy, he assumes it was his mighty mighty pwoggie-bloggie powers that made Specter flop his flip.

Behold! The Power of Cheese!

Hi-larious, nu? But wait, there's more! Next Mo'Betta puts up this mopey post about how depressed he is that he has to move heaven and earth, focusing his awesome Optimus Prime-like powers, to make this fuck-corrupt scumbag senator flip his vote. "... progressive activists should be happy that our strategy of pressuring Democrats through primaries is validated, right?" he whines, utterly clueless about how the world works outside of his pwogwessive fantasy internet clubhouse for political retards. Then, faithfull puppy dog Bowers goes on to wimper that he's unhappy his representatives are so fucking corrupt. Oh, ALAS! Alack-a-day! I fall upon the thorns of life, I bleed!

Yes, after pimping his rightwing lesser-evil conservadems for fucking years, Bowwow has the fucking gall to complain about them!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Outraged By The Outrage.

Tehran or St. Paul?

Even as pwoggie bloggers across the intarwebs obsess about the philandering governor of wherever, the ace reporters at Alas, a pwog are doing their patriotic duty to rev up anti-Iranian hysteria. Steadfastly ignoring Obama's torture camp at Bagram, the fearless pwoggie-bloggie brigade is getting all huffy-puffy about Iranian police beating protesters in the streets of Tehran. Of course, we here at DGH can't imagine that kind of thing happening in a civilized country. Only "idiot protesters" are deservedly tear gassed and beaten in the good old USA! Harrumph!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

The Usual Suspect

Vote For The Lesser Evil!

Hilarity ensued over at Brains Fell Out when lapdog-wannabe Mo'Betta Bowers, while crowing over some minor misfortune to befall newly minted Dem Arlen "Magic Bullet" Specter, posted in support of DLC'er Joe Sleestak Sestak. In case you don't remember this clown, (and why should you) he's the abusive, tantrum-throwing ex-desk jockey admiral who was one of the very few dems to actually win a race back in '06 (PA7) during Rahm Emanuel's largely failed campaign to pimp conservative veterans as oh-so-progressive democrats.

Like the jellyfish dressed up in a cheerleader uniform that he is, Mo'Betta gives Sleestak the lesser-evil treatment while his pwoggie-bloggie posse delivers the beat down to anyone who dares step out of line. A better look at the whole Sleestak-Specter nontroversy can be found here.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Meta Pwog

Pwogwessive gatekeepers have just started to get their between-elections groove on. How do I know? Easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy. You just have to look for the "those darn democrats better learn from such-and-so" articles they slop out onto their blogs to give themselves a thin, sticky veneer of independence. (Which begs the question: "Or what, Obot?") A veneer easily scrubbed off when it's time to turn back into lip-frothing, pants-pissing, koolaid-spewing, Nader-bashing dembots.

The latest issue to produce do-nothing gabble like this and this is the Democorporate Party's non-healthcare-reform healthcare reform bill. It's a coarse ground sausage of industry appeasement and feel-good band-aids that can only be likened to real reform in the same way that a coin tossed into a wishing well can be likened to a coast-ravaging tsunami.

And speaking of chocolate-coated crap cones, very few pwoggie bloggies have been blindly stupid enough to try pimping the God-Emperor Obama's capn' trade greenwash, but Shake-A-Puddin gives it her usual halfassed try. You too can go green by burning coal and buying offsets! Plus, you can lose weight be eating ice cream! Sure you can! Prove you can't!

(Update: Mo'betta Bowers comes through in the clinch with a pollyanna-ish pundit paean to his DP master's plan to flush our future down the fucking toilet. Rah-fucking-rah, Bowwow.)

Monday, June 22, 2009

Why, say anything but to the point!

Meanwhile, over at the Democratic Party's cheer leading day-camp for partisan peons, camp councilor Mo'Betta Bowers ponders the latest missive from full-fledged demotard pundit Klueless Paul Krugman. The topic of the day: Why are the conservative Democrats we voted for so darn conservative?

Could it be because these democrats have the same paymasters as their republican brothers and sisters? Could it be that democrats are little more than corporate empty suits? Could that be why they shovel money at obscenely wealthy multinational corporations at the expense of American taxpayers? NAAAAAW! It must be some other reason like, well, they, uh, they wanna be kingmakers. Or something.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

The Cluetrain Has Left The Station.

Over at Diggly-Wiggly, your one-stop convenience store for all your fauxgressive rationalization needs, the Queen of the Pwogs is once again confused. Seems an article over at democrat media geisha La Nation has clued her in to certain troubling aspects of executive compensation, ie: it's fucking nuts to let the CEO morons who drove our economy into a trash compactor give themselves huge bonuses for doing so. What could possibly be keeping the Pure and Holy Democratic Party from limiting CEO compensation? Why, Ayn Rand, of course!

"...Americans who have been indoctrinated in the conservative movement's low tax dogma of the past 30 years. But it's long past time to think about different ways to break this absurd Randian propaganda..."

Apparently, Queen Pwog has never seen God-Emperor Obama's bundler list.

Friday, June 19, 2009

"We could hire our own midget, even shorter than theirs!"

Just when I might have begun to think that the do-nothing democrats couldn't get any more spineless, along comes Digby's pet jellyfish Tristero to prove me wrong. Somehow, one of his foodie blogs spat up a list of lobbyists, probably culled from The Democrat Forbidden Zone, showing the gi-normous amount of money spent on bribing our elected officials, demotard and republidunce alike. Desperate for a do-nothing rationalization, he slithered back to Diggly-Wiggly and slimed out this choice bit of yellow-assed mealy-mouthed gutlessness:
"They (people in general - ed) think it's normal, natural, but even if it's deplorable, there's nothing to be done to stop it."
Yes, yes, I know that's it's the job of invertibrates like Digby and Tristero to keep their pwoggie followers in line. But, comeon! That's really the best he's got??? That's right, folks - there's nothing you can do here. Just go about your business now and remember to send your monthly check in to DNC. Stone me! I couldn't make this shit up if I tried!

PS: For extra hilarity, check out Digby's Braintrust in the comments. ("We could hire our own lobbyist!")

Sing In Me, Oh Muse!

As long as we're on the subject of public sex acts, stroll on over to the NewsPwoggers and take a good, long, steamin' gawk at this pean to walking-talking-blogging human rights atrocity Andrew Sullivan. After posting a previous bloviation taking Sullivan to task for not being fulsome enough in his praise for God-Emperor Obama, pundit-wannabe and full time suckup Martin posts a typically mealy-mouthed apology to Iraq War Pimp-In-Chief Sullivan, castigating himself for being too harsh on an elitist fuckwit who has since come to have a few niggling doubts on his enthusiastic contributions to the deaths of over a million Iraqi human beings.

In Which Digby Discovers White People

Via a middling-fair spy thriller Matt Damon did in between Bourne flicks, Pwogwessive Doyenne and Queen of Lesser-Evilstan Digby has come to the startling revelation that upperclass white people exist and pretty much run the country. Quell horreur! Tune in tomorrow - when our intrepid Pwoggie Princess will discover that the Earth is fairly roundish, water is kind of damp and Adam Sandler has never been funny.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Pwoggie Gatekeeper Blues

Shorter Shake-A-Puddin':

I'm not satisfied with the crumbs I'm getting from my masters and betters. Our Savior must give us tastier crumbs or, or, uh, I'll write on my blog about it. Unless he doesn't want to, I mean. And, and, it's all the media's fault, anyway! Haha! Yes, it's the mean old MSM that's keeping us down. Boooo!

A Demotard Fairytale

Way way back in the misty ancient yesteryears of time, a small band of ninety brave democratic party reps (well, 79 plus Ron Paul) signed a letter. This brave missive bravely stated that the undersigned, lets call them THE MIGHTY NINETY, would abso-tootly-ootly NOT support "any additional funds for U.S. military operations in Iraq other than a time-bound, safe redeployment as stipulated above."

Thus did THE MIGHTY NINETY in their bravery oppose the evil depredations of the evil tyrant George Bush II in the Fiscal Year Of Our Lord 2008. And their progressive democratic party flunkies, already full of the Hope for Change given to them by The Future Savior of Our Nation, celebrated the brave bravity-brave bravery of THE MIGHTY NINETY.


Fast forward a year or so. With the evil tyrant overthrown and God-Emperor Obama safely ensconced in office, once again the MIGHTY NINETY (minus one who was lost in the primaries of '08) were presented with $106 Billion bill in continue funding the occupations of Iraq and Afghanistan. And once again the MIGHTY...er...EIGHTYNINE, stood up and, with brave resolution, 64 of them voted for continuing the wars.

And that's why we need Mo'Betta Dems! Send your checks in to the PDA today! Hope For Change! Etc.!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Big Dog Bill And The Pwoggie-Bloggie Brigade Do Lunch


Hey teen gang! I just got our marching orders from Big Dog (swoon!) You remember him, dontcha? He's the super-groovy president that drove a big spike through the Kyoto Treaty back in the '90s Clinton Era of Peace And Prosperity. Anyway, he said some nice things about health care and how we're supposed to pimp God-Emperor Obama's weak, sabotaged and all-but-useless Cap and Trade system because, gosh, the environment is just soooooo important and stuff. And then he shook my hand! I'll never wash this hand again! Eeeeeeeeee!

Well, sure, watching these demotards pretend to care about global warming is amusing. Especially when they're pimping corporate greenwash like Cap 'n Trade. But does anyone else feel kinda queasy when these pwoggies fellate their masters and betters in public like that? Get a room, guys!

Dear Republicrats,

Just doing a little experimenting with Blogger's text editor, so I reckoned I'd send out a big juicy BITE ME to all you pwoggies out there in Blogistan while I was at it. Here's hoping that each and every one of you mealy-mouthed do-nothing sorry little fauxgressives get run over by a Greyhound really soon now.