Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Second Verse, Same As The First

(4 Moar Yrs Plskthnx!)

Here we go again, cats 'n kittens. Not a week in to the new year and already pwog access bloggers are gearing up for our 2012 election suckfest. Kicking off the festivities - an inevitable round of articles posing: 'Whutarewegonnadooooo?' (You know, "Whither the Democratic Party" and shit.) These get posted ever couple years as a first step of pwog celebs gently leading their fauxgressive flock to an inevitable answer - "More and Better Dems!" (Full points for recycling, guize. But -9000 points for style.)

Combining recent crumbs thrown to them by God-Emperor Hopey McChangey Sparkle Pony with the usual wishful thinking, scaremongering and logic so tortured you could call it a Saw flick; our fearless bunch of quivering bootlicks will soon be peddling this Meatloaf of Fail as their reason to give The Other War Party another four years in which to screw up the world. Prime example: Obot Left's "Sure We Bombed Several Thousand Afghan Children Into A Red Mist This Year, But - Hey! Lilly Ledbetter!"

The only semi-original attempt to keep the access gravy train going has come from Nader-bashing veterans Newspwoggers, who've adopted a hi-larious "Wait Until 2020!" strategy to keep the left in line. Sure! Let's sit on our thumbs for a few more years while (brb, thesaurus) Ciceronian councils of patience flow forth from their pwoggie panegyrics (ha!) Can calls to sign up with the Working Families Party (the Dem version of the Tea Party) be far behind?

(Update - Pwogman! issues hit list! Steve the Wonder D dispatched to, er, dispatch disloyal dems! Representatives quake in fear! Who will be next???)

Thursday, December 16, 2010

I kan haz reeding comprehenshun?

Courtesy of Google's new "reading level" search app, we at DGH are consoled that we are slightly less dumb than Queen Diggy. (*facepalm!*)

Update: Moar smartypants...

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

If a pwog falls in the forrest...

Fauxgressives luvs them some "internet activism." It allows them to pretend they're engaging in meaningful political action while never having to leave the warm 'n cozy comfort of their local Starbucks. Of course, "internet activism" has the same relationship to real activism as Wii Sports has to real athletics (not-a-fucking-thing) but don't be a lulz killer and tell them that. Otherwise we wouldn't get hilarious blog posts like: Open Letter to the Left Establishment: Pre-Post-Mortem over at soon-to-be-punted-to-the-Pwoggie-Bloggie-list, Corrente.

The post is a tl:dr catalog of butthurt over fauxgressive non-reaction to the titular Open Letter, which is itself a tepid plea to famous fauxgressives from slightly-less-famous faugressives to be a little less, well, fauxgressive. So far, this mighty effort has garnered less than the number of e-signatures on the latest 'Continue "Firefly" Petition' and elicited exactly zero responses from the targeted Obot celebs. (With the exception of Katrina (party)van dem Eggs who was overheard in the offices of 'La Nation' laughing wildly over the petition.)

Fortunately, our feckless pwogwessives don't have the first fucking clue where to look for real opposition to the Empire. Though some pwogs have begun baaaaw-ing at on-line resistance groups, they're still blissfully clueless when it comes to IRL. I, for one, hope they stay that way.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

The End of the World as We Know It

(Lord of the Rings 4 - Return of the Pwogs)

Apres election, Diggy has been in full-blown-gonzo butthurt meltdown mode. Yet, while mourning the losses of her filthy warmongering corporate-owned party, the Democrat Drahma Queen is also listening to more right wing media than the average John Bircher. 'Why would anyone torture herself like that?' I hear you ask. 'Easy.' You hear me answer. Diggy's breathlessly waiting to hear Sarah Palin order her minions to go forth and wipe out liberals Rwanda-style:
"But this daily ranting about the evil of liberalism and the inhumanity of liberals seems to finally be reaching some sort of critical mass in which those on the right who hear nothing but this sort of raving all day long have come to believe that liberals -- not liberalism -- must be eliminated."

Of course, Diggy goes on to mitigate her hysterical (-ly funneh!) statement in the next sentence. (Like most passive-aggressive pwogs, Diggy doesn't actually mean anything she writes because that would be too much like making a stand.) Yet here she is, trying to sell visions of Beckian hoards storming out of the flyover states to besiege the gates of her gated California community Minas Tirith-style.

Is Diggy tuning in to assclowns like Limbaugh and Beck on an hourly basis to somehow deaden the agony of defeat? Is she already trying to scare her fauxgressive followers into action for 2012? Your guess is as good as mine.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Your Daily Lulz

Click on the pic for Mike Flugennock's deadly (accurate) political cartoons and insightful commentary.