Second Verse, Same As The First

(4 Moar Yrs Plskthnx!)

Here we go again, cats 'n kittens. Not a week in to the new year and already pwog access bloggers are gearing up for our 2012 election suckfest. Kicking off the festivities - an inevitable round of articles posing: 'Whutarewegonnadooooo?' (You know, "Whither the Democratic Party" and shit.) These get posted ever couple years as a first step of pwog celebs gently leading their fauxgressive flock to an inevitable answer - "More and Better Dems!" (Full points for recycling, guize. But -9000 points for style.)

Combining recent crumbs thrown to them by God-Emperor Hopey McChangey Sparkle Pony with the usual wishful thinking, scaremongering and logic so tortured you could call it a Saw flick; our fearless bunch of quivering bootlicks will soon be peddling this Meatloaf of Fail as their reason to give The Other War Party another four years in which to screw up the world. Prime example: Obot Left's "Sure We Bombed Several Thousand Afghan Children Into A Red Mist This Year, But - Hey! Lilly Ledbetter!"

The only semi-original attempt to keep the access gravy train going has come from Nader-bashing veterans Newspwoggers, who've adopted a hi-larious "Wait Until 2020!" strategy to keep the left in line. Sure! Let's sit on our thumbs for a few more years while (brb, thesaurus) Ciceronian councils of patience flow forth from their pwoggie panegyrics (ha!) Can calls to sign up with the Working Families Party (the Dem version of the Tea Party) be far behind?

(Update - Pwogman! issues hit list! Steve the Wonder D dispatched to, er, dispatch disloyal dems! Representatives quake in fear! Who will be next???)

A Letter Back From America

Josh (and friend) at a 'Save the Tiger' rally in Kabul
"Anyone know where I can find the anti-war movement?"

Dear Josh in Kabul,

Just read your "sloppy rant" over at NewsPwoggers. A few brief points, if I may:

1. You have no fucking clue what (or who) "the left" is. I dunno, maybe it's because you're a lameass democrat. (Don't even bother pretending your not, Josh. Don't even try to tell me you're some kind of vague-ass "independent" who just happens to flack for lesser-evil Democrats. Don't waste the electrons. Srsly.) Maybe you think you or some faction of your corporate-owned blood-soaked corruption-riddled party is "the left." It isn't, of course. Which brings us to...

B. ...the "anti-war movement." No part of your party constitutes, in any way, shape or form, even the most minutest tiniest teensy-weensyest part of the anti-war movement. Your party drove a fucking spike through the old anti-war movement back in 2004. It's dead, Jim. It's deader than Van Jones' career. The anti-war movement that's grown up since then, well, I doubt it's even a blip on your Washington Consensus Radar. That's just as well, really.

III. If/When you do get back from your little Kabul field trip, and by some massive stroke of misfortune you do figure out what groups constitute the left and the anti-war movement, do us all a favor. Stay as far as fucking away as you can manage. You're party is fucking toxic, Josh. Everything you and your foundation funded think tank corporate demotard flunkies touch turns to absolute shit. You know how Afghanistan is called "the graveyard of empires?" Well your party, the Democrat Party, is the fabulous fabled elephants graveyard of social movements. So stay in your bullshit job, make fauxgressives feel good about giving money to your DP bosses, and STAY THE FUCK AWAY.

Luv,

-Alan Smithee

Pwogman to the Rescue!

As fallout over the administration's little truth-slip continues, Pwogman is forced to employ his mighty powers of STFU in order to quell the disturbances in rank-and-file pwogwessives:

"Ooh, some big, bad White House adviser defended the administration against one more heated attack. My feelings are hurt. Guess what? You should get over it."

Aside from making some truly bizarre claims ('Obama has ended torture, prevented the Second Great Depression and cured all forms of cancer with his Holy Hope for Change!') Pwogman's point is that only he and his do-nothing demoshill pwoggie brethren are allowed to criticize the God-Emperor. Harrumph! Harrumph!

Why? Well, because they support Him uncritically and unconditionally in everything He does! So, of course, Obama must love them the best of all! And all you hyper-critical Hillary supporters have to STFU in the face of superior pwoggie Hope for Changeyness! So there! Eleventy!

I don't know about you, Dear Readers. But it looks to me like the pwogs have finally joined their freeper cousins in the Broken Brain Club for Political Naifs.

Speaking only for me.

(Update: Violet Socks has formulated the perfect response to Pwogman's pathetic little temper tantrum.)

(Update: Big Tent Demotard, representing the crackpot realist Clintonista wing of the pwoggiesphere, weighs in with his own STFU. He's not nearly as good as Pwogman mind you. But that's why he's Pwogman! if you get my drift.)

A Return To Normalcy

Does anyone else find it just a wee bit unseemly that the public lamentation over Senator Three-Months-Suspended went on longer than that for Mother Goddamn Theresa? It went on so long, and the pwoggie blogs became so desperate for something, anything to post about Sainted Senator DateRape, that they started eating each other. Alas, a pwog was nibbling Shake-A-Puddin. Balk the Left was snacking on Diggly Wiggly. Yuck! Seriously, I've seen zombie movies with less cannibalism.

Well, finally it looks like some of our fauxgressive friends have successfully blogged their way through their grief and are moving on other important issues. Pwogman!, for instance, has used his super-duper powers of pwoggie reasoning to come to the startling conclusion that the Washington Post may not be quite the bastion of impartial journalism he thought it was. Heavens to Murgatroyd! The NewsPwoggers, Gesundheit and Shakey have gone back to playing "Lookit the Wingnuts." And even Mo'Betta Bowers has gone back to making empty threats to his masters over the healthcare debacle. (Relax, Chris! You'll get some kind of shitty "public option" you can fob off on your moron followers as "the greatest progressive victory ever in the history of history" or some such nonsense.)

Let's just hope that some other antediluvian scumbag doesn't keel over for awhile. Anybody know how Bob Byrd is doing?