Saturday, October 31, 2009

Headzapoppin' 2: Electric Boogaloo

Meanwhile, at that bastion of DNC ass-kissing - Balk the Left, Big 'Tard Democrat is desperately trying to beat the flames out in his comments section. Seems like someone let slip about a certain AP article which outlines just how crappy the much coveted Public Option Brand toy really is. Unfortunately, he's using an "Impeach the Source" type of squirt gun on the inferno and, like all know-nothing fauxgressive DP shill-wannabe's, Big 'Tard can't take the heat...

Friday, October 30, 2009


(But you prooooooomised!)

Pwogwessive heads are popping like champagne corks all over the intarwebs upon the news that they might not get the crappy Public Option Brand toy they've been bugging daddy 'Bama for. Even worse, they've been bragging about it to their little friends, pets, passers-by and anyone who'll stand still long enough to listen to their shrill, whiny voices enumerate the wonders of daddy 'Bama and the super-duper Public Option toy they're gonna get.

Well, you can imagine the reaction.

You'll likely find no better example than, MoBetta BowWow, who even now is shrieking like a two-year old (Egotist! Traitor! Ignorant! Waaaaaaaah!) flailing his arms and threatening to drop the banhammer on anyone who even mentions that he's been taken with one of the oldest 'bait and switch' tricks in the book. Check out the comments section for some prime lip-frothing tantrums the likes of which hasn't been seen since Ralph Nader announced his 2004 run.

Pwogman! Strikes Again

(Thank Obama! It's Pwogman!)

In the tin-foil shiny constellation of Pwoggus Bloggus, no star burns dimmer than that Champion of Pwogwessivism, that hero to faint-hearted faux-liberals everwhere, Pwogman! And the latest addition to his cheerleading routine, issued from deep within his Fortress of Pwogitude, is a real doozy, kids. Whilst dribbling on Friedman-style about something of which he's completely ignorant, Honduras in this case, Pwogman! actually-and-for-true wrote:

"I can't think of another example, either, but that is mainly because this is the first time America has sided with democrats against its own ostensible business-interests."

Ladies and Germans, this is proof positive that Pwogman! truly is the superhero of the pwogwessive world. How do I know? Because the amount of sheer, unadulerated, 100% USDA inspected prime stupid used to construct a statement like that could only have been made by someone who could take ordinary stupid and crush it down to a pure, concentrated, heat-fused, essence of stupid with his bare hands. It's Super-Stupid!

Of course, anyone who has a couple of functioning braincells and the ability to read simple sentences knows about the God-Emperor's support for the Honduran coup regime, that regimes horrific slaughter of dissidents and the sham elections gearing up to lend a thin veneer of legitimacy to the coup. One only has to read Neil's column over at A Lovely Promise or Phoenix Woman's famous debunking of administration lies about the coup to get a fair idea of what's going on in Honduras.

So how could Pwogman! be so astonishingly, astronomically, and other words that begin with a-ingly wrong? Speculation abounds. My own theory is that the Fortress of Pwogitude is literally made of Super-Stupid, a stupid so dense that no truth can possibly penetrate. Thus, Pwogman's inner sanctum would be impervious to the obvious truth about his God-Emperor's support for the Honduran coup.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Fix ballots for Pwogwess!

Shorter Pwogman!

"You know, Our Party has a long history of rigging ballot laws against inherently evil third party and independent candidates, and I'm grateful for that. But maybe it's time we start our own party-within-a-party. We could call it The Spineless Progressive American Drone Democrats of America for Progress. Could somebody check with Nancy Pelosi and see if it's okay?"

STFU, Faggots!

Shorter Adam "Maximum Leader" Bink @ Obot Left:

"Okay, here's your goddamn crumb from Emperor Obama. Now shut the fuck up forever and buy my book!"

(It should be noted that Adam appears to still be in a snit over the unauthorized-by-the-gay-elite National Equality March thing, so he's probably been a wee bit on edge lately.)

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Pwogs Declare Pyrrhic Defeat

First of all, the pwoggie bloggie elite would like you to know that the inclusion of a public option in the senate heath insurance giveaway bill is a massive, massive historic progressive victory in the most progressive historical era ever in the history of massive progressive victory history. Or something like that.

At the same time, these crackpot-realist pwogwessive jellyfish caution their followers, (sometimes in the same fucking paragraph) that it's not good to be too optimistic that the much coveted, sought after and slobbered over public option will actually do much of anything to reduce the average peasants health care costs. After all, this is sausage making, you dirty fucking hippy. Now shut up and send your check in to ActBlue!

Monday, October 26, 2009

Pot...Kettle...You Do The Math.

From Shake-A-Puddin', Teh Bestestest Evar Website On Teh Intarwebs Evar BBF LOL, comes this little gem of utter zombiefied cluelessness:

"I'm endlessly fascinated amused by conservatives' obsessive need to consume nothing but conservative media. It's not good enough to listen to music or watch a movie or whatever, they're constantly seeking conservative music."

The Shake-A-Cultist, I've already forgotten which one it is (and, really, does it matter?) goes on to snark at conservitards for their tendency to prefer Fox News and Garth Brooks over MSNBC and Pearl Jam. My gosh, what a brilliant observation! Why, there ought to be a website devoted to just that subject.

Let's remember context. This statement appears on one of the premier pwoggie cult websites, a place dedicated entirely to the emotional, intellectual and financial support of a single guru-wannabe whose idea of political activism is posting pictures of her cats for the adulation of her braindead followers. (If only there were a website devoted to just that subject.)

NO dissent is tolerated at Shake-A-Puddin' lest it interrupt their efforts at "teaspooning." (A concept which I have abso-tootly-ootly NO desire to investigate, as I have a low tolerance for 'ick'.) In Melissa's Fabu Kingdom, even the mildest disagreement with Her Highness' pronouncements is banhammered into oblivion. Nothing is allowed to disturb her beautiful mind. Shake-A-Puddin' is a veritable intarweb fortress, safe from the constant efforts of bullies and trolls and and and orcs and goblins and ghouls and vampires and zombies and the Taliban and dirty greenie hippies and Mobutu Sese Seko and the Basque Separatists and neo-nazi cannibals and John Kenneth Galbraith and just everybody who is trying to marginalize and silence her unique and gifted voice.


Truly, the Intarweb is the only place where McEwan's batshit insanity could go unremarked. Well, and maybe Utah. But that's as may be. Certainly Melissa has created for herself a "safe space" where her every little middle-class merit school opinion is instantly validated by her hand-picked cadre of droolcase pwogwessive cultists. And why not? Wouldn't everyone like to build a little snow fort from which they can pitch snowballs at the cold, cruel world outside?

The fact that Shake-A-Puddin' is little more than the pwoggie mirror reflection of sites like Little Green Turdballs never dawns on our neurotic teaspooning intarweb goddess and her gutless pack of craven toadies. How else would statements like the above be possible? In the bi-polar world of pwoggies and freepers, self-awareness is something that happens only to other people.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Are you all done barking, little dog?

Mo'Betta Bowers (Actual Size)

Over at Obot Left, Mo'Betta BowWow all but admits he doesn't give a fart in a high wind what's actually in the 'public option' just so long as there's something he can call a 'public option' so he can go home and concentrate on Dancing With The Stars or whatever. But hey! I can't be bothered either, since:

1 - I'm enjoying a spiffy new flash game on ArmorGames called Clockwords - Prelude.


B - Emperor Obama already cut a deal, probably much like this one, with his health insurance industry buddies.

So, yeah, there's zero suspense here except for that generated by fauxgressive DP flacks for their droolcase demozombie followers. Pantomime activism is a pretty good way to keep the proles in line and get yourself invited to all the right cocktail parties, but it's not terribly exciting viewed from the outside.

Trust me, the flash game is far more interesting.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

All Praise the God-Emperor! - Part Umpity-Zillion

Something on the wind is making the herds of pwoggie faithful nervous. Maybe it's the bloody escalation of the Afghanistan slaughter. Or maybe they're finally sensing the long hoped for and coveted public option is going to be just another pathetic bait and switch. What ever the cause, another of the "Dare To Believe The Dream Of Hope For Change" posts has popped up, this time at courtesy of DP flack-wannabe Mike Lux at Obot Left.

As faux-liberal think pieces go, it's pretty much more of the same. First the usual "most important historical era ever in the history of ever" drivel. Then comes the booklicking; comparing God-Emperor Obama to Washington, Lincoln, FDR, Ghandi, Nelson Mandela, Saint Sebastian, Jesus, Osiris, Paul Bunyan and some guy named "Remo." And then the inevitable exhortation to Obama's glassy-eyed personality cultists to keep following Dear Leader into the glorious future where Ipods rain down on the faithful and cluster bombs rain down on brown people.

Here, as the strippers say, is the blow off:
If progressives, and regular working Americans, see Obama pick a side- our side- and really fight for it, no matter what happens over the next 3 years, we will stick with him and fight for him, too.
Who are we kidding here?

It's the job of party shills like Mike to keep up a wafer-thin pretense of independence, as if there were some instance, however distantly theoretical, in which they might not support their God-Emperor. But only those with the metal capacity of a mildly retarded clam actually believes it.

(Update: Chris BowWow, the annoying-little-yappy-dog-that-everyone-wishes-would-dash-out-into-the street-and-get-run-over of the Democrat Party, joins in the mindless worship with a paean to the God-Emperor's $700 Billion Bank Giveaway. This despite Barofsky admitting that all of the money won't be payed back. Hosanna Superstar!)

Monday, October 19, 2009

Lemme explain how really stupid you are...

Shorter Mo'Betta BowWow:
"Third party voters aren't stupid because their vote counts for the opposition. That's an arrogant lie! Third party voters are stupid because their vote doesn't count! Haha Dirty Greenies!"
(Hint: BowWow, maybe you don't get the attention swing voters get because your masters and betters don't have to worry about your fucking vote. They already have it, dumbass.)

Ya know, if I get to vote for who goes up against the wall when the revolution comes, I'm gonna vote for BowWow.

(Update: pwoggie pundit-wannabe Paul weighs in with the usual sneering condescension evinced by your average demotard. "Them dirty fucking hippies are crazy!")

Friday, October 16, 2009

Sing Ye Praises To The God-Emperor

As the A-list pwog blogs frantically work to sell Emperor Obama's mega-give-away to the health insurance corporations as the greatest reform since the Magna Fucking Carta, the lesser pwoggies are busy too. Everyone according to their abilities is the rule, and no one has less ability than personality cultist and full time demotard Shake-A-Puddin. Here she's straining to keep up the glassy-eyed cult forged around their God-Emperor last year:

"What I love most about the Obama presidency so far is its genuine commitment to ethnic multiculturalism. And I love seeing a non-white First Family, and a multi-ethnic non-white First Family, at that. And I love pictures..."
You can read the usual hosannahs to Shakey's wisdom in the comments, but I wouldn't recommend it. Anyone who dared disagree Shakey has long ago been purged, leaving a Whitman's variety assortment of faux-liberal shut-ins, weak minded lesser-evilists and cat picture enthusiasts.

In short, the remaining cultists are a moderately unbearable lot. I'm brought to wonder, though, if Shakey is as impressed with her Emperor's multi-ethnic approach to bombing and torture. Maybe that's what she means by Obama's "genuine commitment."

Thursday, October 15, 2009

100% of My Friends Agree I'm Wonderful

Somehow I missed this little comedic gem in the general dross of a statement issued from the Fortress of Pwogitude yesterday.

"We have clout. But we lose clout when we're seen as uncharitable blowhards. Most of the bloggers that I respect expressed agreement with what I wrote."

Where the fuck do I start? With Pwogman's delusional assertion he has "clout" with his God-Emperor? The even wackier claim that this imaginary clout is dependent on his being nice to said God-Emperor? Or Pwogman's irrefutable proof of his own correctness - that his pwoggie bloggie friends all agree with him?

Oh, but wait! There's more!

"Nobody is harder to bullshit than the people of the progressive blogosphere."

Wait a minute...I think we have a winner.

Remember, this issued from Pwogman - a brown-nosing koswhack pundit-wannabe who has dedicated years to swallowing his DNC master's bullshit and shitting out sparkly rainbows of rationalization for his fan base of lesser-evil know-nothings. Pwogman is literally made of bullshit. That the spineless fauxgressive bobbleheads he calls "friends" all agree with him should only serve as the final indication that whats issuing from his Fortress of Pwogitude should be treated as the toxic sludge it most assuredly is.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Fwo him to the gwound, Centurwion!

(The NewsPwoggers)

A quick scan of the pwog blogs brings us this astonishingly stupid comment from the NewsPwoggers political commissar:

"The strongest weapon for party discipline is the incumbent challenge primary."

I will wager you that a more counter-factual statement will not be made today outside of the UFO blogs. Incumbent re-election rates hover in the 95% bracket across the board. Everyone who hasn't been living in Koswackistan knows this. I mean, fuck, Joe Fucking Lieberman lost his primary and still got re-elected (with massive DP support.)

How these Cheeto-stained pajama wearing couch-dwellers think they can send $20 to ActBlue and call it "activism" is beyond me. But even more hilarious is their fervent belief that their DP masters and betters give a ripe shit about the little Ned Lamonts of the pwoggiesphere.

Because, truly, the only purpose these pwoggie candidates serve is to suck up money and support from the gullible boobs that follow the A-list pwogs. It's not to keep people in the DP so much as it is to keep them out of movements independent of their control.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Pwogman to the Rescue!

As fallout over the administration's little truth-slip continues, Pwogman is forced to employ his mighty powers of STFU in order to quell the disturbances in rank-and-file pwogwessives:

"Ooh, some big, bad White House adviser defended the administration against one more heated attack. My feelings are hurt. Guess what? You should get over it."

Aside from making some truly bizarre claims ('Obama has ended torture, prevented the Second Great Depression and cured all forms of cancer with his Holy Hope for Change!') Pwogman's point is that only he and his do-nothing demoshill pwoggie brethren are allowed to criticize the God-Emperor. Harrumph! Harrumph!

Why? Well, because they support Him uncritically and unconditionally in everything He does! So, of course, Obama must love them the best of all! And all you hyper-critical Hillary supporters have to STFU in the face of superior pwoggie Hope for Changeyness! So there! Eleventy!

I don't know about you, Dear Readers. But it looks to me like the pwogs have finally joined their freeper cousins in the Broken Brain Club for Political Naifs.

Speaking only for me.

(Update: Violet Socks has formulated the perfect response to Pwogman's pathetic little temper tantrum.)

(Update: Big Tent Demotard, representing the crackpot realist Clintonista wing of the pwoggiesphere, weighs in with his own STFU. He's not nearly as good as Pwogman mind you. But that's why he's Pwogman! if you get my drift.)

Monday, October 12, 2009

Putting Out The Flames

A White House flack let slip the truth about elite opintion re: fags and bloggers. Now their pwoggie bloggie minions are twirling frantically as they attempt damage control, and nowhere is the twirling more frantic than Obot Left. The casually truthful remark has prompted multiple posts from the deadly duo of pwogwessive opinion makers BowWow & Bink in a desperate attempt to beat out the flames of pwoggie indignation.

Frankly, I'm not entirely sure why they're bothering. Everyone knows the DP has abso-tootly-ootly nothing to fear from the clutch of spineless Regan Democrats calling themselves "progressives." They'll always vote for whatever corporate scumbag has a 'D' next to it's name and they milk easy for cash. As a political movement, they're about as threatening as a mildly retarded hamster. There's simply no down side to insulting them to their spotty, Cheeto-stained faces. I guess what I'm sayin' is:

Why not kick a pwog?

(Update: Mo'Betta accepts the WH apology on behalf of all pwogs everywhere. Could this be the year BowWow's well established piss-yellow gutlessness reach legendary status?)

Friday, October 9, 2009

Ig Nobel Awards

Today's Headlines - US Emperor Wins Peace Prize! Pwoggies Twirl In Ecstacy! Meanwhile - US, Afghan forces kill Afghan child in raid. And now, lets check the pundits...

Alas, a pwog - Barry won a Nobel. Lookit the wingnuts!

Balk the Left - Mr President - turn down this award!

Diggly Wiggly - This is the final proof that all Repububthuglugrapelickans are TERRORISTS!!!1!!eleventy!!!1!! (Via Ko$)

Gesundheit - This award for our Emperor proves once and for all that Charles Krauthammer is a big ol' stupidhead!

NewsPwogs - Shouldn't we wait for our Emperor to do something to deserves this honor? Or not. Whatever.

Obot Left - Pwogwess At Last! All Mildly Hail Our Emperor Obama Who Hath Our Skeptical And Unwavering Support!

Pandadroppings - Wait until I finish this mix tape...

Pwogman! - Hurrah for Emperor Not-Bush! Send in your checks now, suckers!

Shake-A-Puddin - Well, uh, we, um, uh...fer Gawd's sake, tell us what to think Melissa!

Grampa - Eh? Whut? Git offa mah lawhn!

Lamey - Hooray for Our Emperor! Buy my CD! Fuck!

(Update: Diggy - Lookit the wingnuts! Haw! My boyfriend rocks!)

(Update: Mo'betta BowWow - Yay team! Go team go! Whooooooooot!)

(Update: Dave "Send Your Checks In" Sirota - Hastens to assure the Pwoggie ATM they can disagree with the DNC and still be nice little obedient pwogwessives. Plus, you can vote for warmongering democrats and still be anti-war. Plus, you can lose weight by eating ice cream. Comments Update: "Traitor!")

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

"I'll Give You Such A Pinch!"

Shorter Sirota @ Obot Left

"Say, has anyone else noticed that our electoral system is totally fucked and the Democrats are total fucking corporate sellouts?"

Shorter Pwogman!

"Anybody But Bush! Anybody But Bush! Naderite! Traitor! Narcissist! Burn him! Buuuuuuurn him!"

Environmental Clusterfuck

This is how bad things have gotten.

Over at Obot Left, (Home Base for the Demotard Droolcase) Natasha takes Third Way greenwash expert Bob Shapiro to the woodshed for missing the obvious solution to our CO2 problem. Grow more trees! This, she asserts, will reduce atmospheric CO2 concentrations down to the 350 level by absorbing the CO2 out of the air.

Sadly, no.

Perhaps it has never dawned on Natasha that trees generally don't grow to the height where the CO2 we're talking about is. Maybe Natasha is a city-dweller and is unfamiliar with how tall trees get. Hard to believe, since she helpfully cites the Wiki for 'tree' in her article, but not outside the realm of possibility. More probably, however, is that Natasha is just another smug little pwogwessive dumbass who doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about.

But let's say we're talking about the CO2 trees can reach, not just the CO2 that's already driving us passed the 45o mark. We can use trees to create carbon sinks that will capture and (temporarily) store CO2. She'd got that much right. But we can't grow these sinks fast enough to significantly reduce CO2 concentrations unless we reduce our already rapidly rising CO2 emissions in the first fucking place.

But that's not the funny part.

This is level to which environmental discussion has fallen on the pwoggie blogs. Natasha the pwog is looking to score some debate points off of Shapiro the DLC'er in true useless do-nothing pwoggie-bloggie fashion. Natasha doesn't know enough to care and Shapiro doesn't care enough to know. If these two get married, their children will be made of 100% apathy.

And that's the funny part.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Not very funny, but accurate...

Darn Them All To Heck!

Chris Mo'Betta BowWow, who is such a DP lapdog that he regularly gets invited to yap on TV chat shows, is raising the standard of revolution!

"Incivility is not the source of our problems. However, thinking that our problems are caused by things like incivility is a major problem we face. If we keep suggesting fake, bullshit solutions to serious problems, then we will never get to the actual source of those serious problems and thus have no chance of solving them."

Really? Bullshit solutions. Hmmm. You mean like Cap and Trade? Public Options? COIN? In fact, just about every policy puppydog Chris' party has dumped on the people of the American Empire and it's victims all over the fucking world???

Fuck you, Chris. Seriously. Fuck you right in the ear, you shitty little fauxgressive fuck.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

BowBow Breaks the Toady Meter

Shorter Mo'Betta BowBow:

How DARE you dirty greenie hippies object to our masters giving themselves more money and staff! Don't you know our masters are so destitute they have to have our friendly lobbyist backers write legislation for them? Now get back in line and send in your checks to ActBlue!