Monday, August 3, 2009

Saved By The Lamey

Ya know, I almost didn't have a post today.

Yeah, I know, quel dommage, right? But clicking down the list of useless pwoggie blogs today only garnered a handful of tedious, trivial, turgid and, oh, something else that begins with a 't,' posts that barely deserve comment.

And it's only going to get worse. Now that we're almost a year away from the Most Important Election Ever In The History of Elections Ever, our mealy-mouthed gaggle of pwoggies will become increasingly obessed with every state, district, county, city, township, village, hamlet, doghouse, henhouse and shithouse their corporate-owned masters control. Lemme tell ya, it's either feast or famine with the pwoggie blogs.

But suddenly! Just as I was about to give up and post pictures of a cat or my new glasses or what-the-fuck-ever, The Lame Ranger wrote to my rescue. Who was that masked dumbass? (Hi-Yo Dildo! Awaaaaay!)

Now, Lamey has been on a tear recently, making excuses for his DNC masters and betters and hoping that someone will actually believe his weakass drivel. But this latest in the series is a prize-winning grand-bull-moose Excuse-A-Thon with Jerry Lewis and the June Taylor Dancers and special guest appearance by Don Ho!

This one's got it all! There's the "duped democrats" excuse. (They weren't.) The "cowardly democrats" excuse. (They aren't.) (Idiot.) The "mean republicans" excuse. (Sticks 'n Stones.) The "It's the Media's fault" excuse. (See: The Conservatard Excuses Playbook, Ch. 6, 7 &11) The "Obama's secret plan" myth. (He doesn't.) The "health care reform" myth. (It isn't.) and he even dusts off that hoary old "Democrats are the party of the people" myth that no one has beleived since the Civil-Fucking-War.

Lamey's blog may have to be designated a superfund site if he keeps on storing that much toxic whitewash in one place. Besides, packing rationalization that densely may contravene several arms treaties and the Geneva Convention. I personally haven't seen apologia piled that high since Jimmy the Greek got booted off of "NFL Today" and that was in the dark pre-internet days when dinosaurs thundered across the plains in their thousands and buffalo ruled the earth!

Well, you see what I'm driving at. There's no possible way I can not award Lamey something for his herculean efforts at justifying his master's criminal acts. And so, by the power invested in me by Dirty Greenies everywhere, I hearby award The Lame Pundit our new monthy award:

The Purple Finger of Contempt!*

Congratulations, Lamey. You deserve every last pixel of it.

(* Inspiration for this award properly goes to ace commenter Al Schumann. This was your fault, pal!)


  1. I bask in the blame.

    That's quite a collection of fatuity from the coprolalia pundit. When the freepers and wingnuts do that, the Kosnikim and other factory-farmed pwogs call the aggregate fatuity a "narrative". It's not clear what they mean, but I assume it's like having Don Pardo do the voiceover for a years-long spasm of solecisms and petty thefts.

  2. Is that what the koswhacks are calling it these days? We just used to call it "making shit up" back in the dinosaur days. Still, I've never seen so much willful ignorance jam-packed into so small a space! (But then, I've never been to one of their conventions, either.)

  3. Something in that post of his seems to imply the presence of a once-functioning brain. Somehow that just makes it all the sadder to read.

    -- ms_xeno

  4. Long story short: He came up with a good gimmick, ran it into the ground and became an Obot. I'm not sure if that's sad or hilarious.

  5. Don't dismiss the possibility that it could be both things at once.

    -- ms_xeno

  6. Something in that post of his seems to imply the presence of a once-functioning brain. Somehow that just makes it all the sadder to read.

    When I get a few drinks in me, I can picture pwog pundits doing the kinds of things real people do. Falling in love, laughing, caring for each other, maybe playing with a cat. That kind of stuff. Even sober, I think most of them could be trusted to operate a car responsibly (well...) or handle hazardous materials without being tempted to eat them.

    But somewhere, somehow, something went badly wrong, and yes that is both sad and hilarious. I'm a vicious old red and I want to see them in reeducation camps, regardless, but I'm not insensitive to the ghastly tragedy and its comic aspects.

  7. ...I'm a vicious old red and I want to see them in reeducation camps...

    Y'know, they were this close to giving us the time of day, and there you had to go with the reeducation camp speech.

    Tsk. This kind of thing wouldn't happen if you'd just completed rehab like we asked you to.

    -- ms_xeno

  8. {sigh} I guess that intervention went for naught...