Fixed it.

One of the God-Emperor's yippy little lap dogs over at the Obot Left kennel recently knocked together a typically sub-moronic think piece about, oh, how voters are stupid cretins who have to be lead by superior pwogwessive intellect or some such crap. I didn't bother reading much of it.

But it did come with an abso-tootly-ootly fabu flow chart which, with just a little DGH help, serves as a handy guide to the way pwoggie bloggies process their rationalization whenever the shitty corporate-owned demotard they're supporting inevitably loses an election. But will our helpfulness ever be acknowledged? Sigh!

Saturday Clean Coal Roundup

If you read the pwog blogs as religiously as I do (and why wouldn't you?) you've no doubt heard about God-Emperor Obama's plan to shovel pallet-loads of cash into "clean coal technology." What, you haven't? Sure you have! Here's everything our brave truth-to-power telling moo-pwogs have to say about their God-Emperor's latest environmental atrocity...

Alas, A Pwog - "OMG repubthugrapelican Gov Tim Pawlenty wants to kill us all!!!!1!!eleventyone!!1!"

Balk the Left - "Aha! Proof! We're smart because we vote for democrats and they're dumb because they don't. Yep. Smart smart smart."

Diggly-Wiggly - "OMG repubthugrapelican Gov Tim Pawlenty Rep Ron Paul wants to kill us all!!!!1!!eleventyone!!1!"

Extreeeeeem! - "Did you know that I masturbate while mutiliating pictures of obese rightwing radio pundits? I do."

Gesundheit - "Um, I forgot to read the listserv so, um...first!"

NewsPwogs - "OMG racist repubthugrapelicans want to kill us all!!!!1!!eleventyone!!1!"

Obot Left - "OMG racist repubthugrapelicans want to kill us all!!!!1!!eleventyone!!1! (Part 5,927)"

Pwogman! - "Look! 67th dimensional chess!"

Shakes the Democrat - "It's cult member whats-'er-name's birthday. Don't forget to worship me in the comments, peons!"

Grampa - "But...but...I didn't vote for this. I thought we wuz gonna get a pony or somthin...zzzzzzzz."

Lamey - "Our fucking hero anally raped our enemy on tv and fucking fuckity fuck fuck buy my CD!"

"Who will rid me of this meddlesome legislatural procedure?"

Amanda Marcotte (actual photo)

Back in the halcyon days of pwoggiedom, when the dems were a senate minority and their useless pwoggie allies had 1001 excuses for their master's mendacity, the senate filibuster was "wingnut insurance" - the last line of trenches that poor beleagured yet heroic Dems could man to repel the noxious tide of Repububthugrapelican aggression. Back then, the Panderdome fairly rang with demands for the D's to filibuster this or that. Their furor over the hated Other War Party's threat to use the "Nuclear Option" could not be contained by mere pixels. Why, the venerated Filibuster was even revered as an institution second only to Amnesty International on The Panderer's list of that which must be forever preserved from Bushian eeeeeeevil!11!!!one!!eleventy!!1!!

But now that we live in the Age of Ponies and Rainbows, the venerable filibuster has fallen on hard times. The pwoggie bloggie brigade, which once enshrined it as an indispensable shield against the forces of darkness, now scheme it's very destruction. "Kill it!" shrieks Amanda Pander, and her bobble-head bloggie chorus, carefully culled from the finest democrat jellyfish the intarwebs has to offer, takes up the call. "Kill the demon filibuster!" There hasn't been such an uproar in the Panderdome since Edwards kicked her and Shakes from his campaign.

Now, I put it to the jury. Is Pander a flaming hypocrite? Or is she just a clueless pwog? I leave it to your capable judgement...

(Update: Before the filibuster became "crazy" and "arcane", La Digs was urging her minions to go out on a wild and crazy limb and actually do something to protect it. True, that something was a lameass PFAW call-in scheme - but, hey! That's about as active as pwoggies ever get.)

What a relief!

It's nice to know that people who live in other countries are just as blindingly stupid as citizens of the good ol' USA...

"It is not fucking acceptable to use your daughters’ bodies to make political points. It is a betrayal of your role as their parent to use your child’s body in this way. It will fuck them up. It’ll fuck them up even more if it’s going to be syndicated on every news feed in every part of the world, until someone in New Zealand is offering their opinion on it."

Yeah, I know. Living in the middle of the Empire lends one a much closer observational point than someone living on the fringes. But...fuck me! Didn't any of Maia's pwoggie bloggie hopey-changey friends shoot her an e-mail to sort of clue her in to what our political masters and betters are like?

The Empress is using her kids for political gain? Teh Outrage!!1!one!!!eleventy!1!! Millionaire power-besotted corporate lackeys like the Bushs, the Clintons and, yes, even Our Savior the God-Emperor Obama, would sacrifice their children on the alter of fucking Ba'al for a guaranteed 5% bump in the polls. Hell, they order the deaths of other peoples children on a daily fucking basis.

The scope and breadth of disconnection from the reality of life in the Empire it takes to be outraged about something this puny, well, that kind of disconnection can usually only be found in mental wards, space aliens and record company executives. Does Maia really think the upper class mandarins we elect in a flurry of ballot box stuffing ever couple of years would have the slightest, most infinitesimal compunction towards exploiting their own kids for gain? I read pwoggie blogs on a daily basis and even Extreeeeem Obot isn't that naive. (Okay, well, maybe he is.) But really, who in-the-seven-hells do people like Maia think is running this Popsicle stand? Mother Fucking Theresa?

The Chores!

(Arianna Huffington. Maybe.)

This is a real actual quote. Srsly.

"When are the democrats and real progressives going to call out the Arianna Huffington’s, the Jane Hamsher’s and the Cenk Uygur’s on their undermining of progressive causes? When are we going to stop playing footsie with those who want to bring down our democratic president who is fighting against the new 41 seat majority of Republicans? When are we going to take a look at these folks as the turncoats that they are? I’m going to keep hammering them."
~Extreeeeeeeme Obot.

Oh noes! Don't hurt 'em, Hammer!

Look, I know Extreeeeeme's blind spot is wider than six counties and he's dumber than a bag of hammers. But, really, Arianna Fucking Huffington barely qualifies for the flyweight division of political commentary. Nobody in the DNC gives a ripe fart what she thinks so long as she brings in the cash. Could Extreeeeme have found a less substantial target upon which to vent his Emperor-worshiping spleen?

Why Panderdome is a Fucking Moron

Nevermind that she's a spineless demotard access blogger. Put aside the odious moral cretinism she affects on behalf of her warmongering party. Ignore the fact that her mindless cheer leading is so annoying it could give every massive stone head on Easter Island a migraine. Marcotte has plumbed the abyss of pandering to the lowest, most cowardly, most cravenly toadying demotard and dredged from the slime an Oscar nod for shlockteur Quentin "One Trick Pony" Tarantino's Inglorious Bastards.

I suppose it takes a real feminist like Marcotte to praise one of Tarantino's sub-juvenile revenge fantasies. Not like all those fake feminists who can recognize Quentin's "men with breasts" characters when they see them. Marcotte's odious brand of faux-feminism, in which women are free to act just like men, fits nicely with the boring ripoffs of grind house tropes Tarantino has been putting on to his dick flicks since Reservoir Dogs. (For those of you unfamiliar with g'industry palaver, a 'dick flick' is a movie made to appeal to adolescent boys. Essentially the other side of 'chick flicks.')

Taratino's masturbatory cartoon violence must be as comforting to smug, clueless pwoggies like Marcotte as it is exciting to the pud-pulling nose pickers that comprise the film's target audience. On those few occasions when they hear about God-Emperor Obama's latest foray into bloody-handed violence in Afghanistan or Pakistan, they no doubt imagine something very stirring and cinematic like Bastards. None of the dirt and grime of war from Kathrine Bigelow's by-miles-superior The Hurt Locker can be allowed to disturb the beautiful pwogwessive minds of Marcotte and her Amen Chorus. Truly, Marcotte's film preferences are as repulsively, contentlessly shallow as her politics.

Ride 'em in, pwoghide!

Alas, A Pwog - "Dude! There's, like this tv show that I'm, like, totes into. Lets discus it in, like nauseating detail."

Balk the Left - "What this party needs is for more republicans to join up!"

Diggly-Wiggly - "The other team is doing populism better than we are! My boyfriend had better phony up some electoral reform bullshit now if he wants to save the big game!"

Extreeeeeeem! - "This post reveals the real motives of the folks at the Firedoglake, to damage the president as much as they can to prove that Hillary really should have been president, the votes of the people be damned." (Actual quote! I didn't make this up. Fuck, I dare anyone to try.)

Gesundheit - "Why can't we learn to lie better?"

NewsPwoggers - "Lookit the new pony daddybama will give us if we vote for him again! It's even prettier than the public option pony!"

Obot Left - "Their lies aren't as good as our damned lies - and I've got the statistics to prove it."

Pwogman! - "Why can't we have show trials for war criminals like they do across the pond? Whyyyyy?"

Shakes the Democrat - "The God-Emperor's budget is teh axesum! Validate my shallow analysis, peons!"

Grampa - "Darn kids today with their funny music zzzzzzzzz..."

Lamey - {furious masterbation}

The Panderdome - "Lookit the wingnut!"