"How could our boyfriend dump us for that nasty Glenn Beck? {Sob!} It doesn't surprise us. No it doesn't. Nuh uh! We saw it coming year ago. Glenn is such an evil bitch! Gawd we hate hate hate him! And after everything we did for the ungrateful bastard. Washing his socks - picking him up from the airport - and this is the thanks we get. And the neocons! And the Blue Dogs! They were against us from the start!
A grave threat against President Obama has arisen that may threaten the progressive revolution and the very foundations upon which this nation is built. World stability itself may hang in the balance. Fortunately there are a few progressive bloggers fighting hard to safe guard Our Leader, Our Nation and Our Progressive People Powered People. What is that threat? Its...
Behold! The Obot mortal enemy!
Yes! Those dastardly Gayz are out to sabotage God-Emperor Obama's 41 dimensional chess strategy by insisting he live up to his campaign promises! Why can't the gAyTM just shut up and keep dispensing cash and votes like good little pwoggiebloggiedoggie democrats? Adam "Buy My Book" Bink at Obot Left explains how the march is sure to be a big ol' failure because, well, he and the Nutroots Nation crowd don't approve. And he's not going! So there!
(Update: Check out BMB Bink try to marginalize Cleve Jones as a "Random Gay Activist" on this Bilerico thread. Way to shoot yourself in the foot, Adam.)
(Update On Mo' Time!: Having moved along the Five Phases of Pwoggie Grief from 'Sneering' to 'Petulance,' BMB Bink throws what we hope will be his last bloggie tantrum on the matter. Stay classy, Adam!)
As God-Emperor Obama ramps up the carnage in Afghanistan and our embassy in Kabul turns into Col. Kurtz's camp from Apocalypse Now, lets check in on the mighty, mighty, oh-so mighty forces of the pwogwessive punditry...oh, fuck it. Let's skip that for now and have some fun. Lessee, what do other blogs do for easy cheesy blog filler? Hmmm... How about the bloggie version of Bloopers & Practical Jokes? Something like:
The First Annual DGH "Dumbest Comment On A Thursday" Contest
Vote in the comments for your favorite contestant. The winner will receive a "Dumbest Comment" trophy made of genuine cubic zirconium, a copy of the home game, a full set of Random House encyclopedias, a set of cocktail coasters from Dicker & Dicker of Beverly Hills, a box of buffalo steaks and whatever is in the box beside which Carol Merrill is standing. And now, let's meet our newlyweds!
Contestant #1 - "Berry self-IDs as black, as far as I know. But although she’s got an Oscar, I’m not sure she’s A-list." (WTF?!? Exactly in what universe does this person live, in which Halle Berry is a white b-list actress? I mean, Halle Freakin' Berry!)
Contestant #2 - "More and more I am convinced the opinions of Senators and Representatives are irrelevant. What matters is the weight of real public opinion, and the point where public consensus is finally reached." (Did the meek suddenly inherit the Earth when I wasn't paying attention?)
Contestant #3 - "I know there is still in him (Obama - Ed.) a giant plush community organizer letting people make mistakes, but we elected the President of the United States. (This just might be the most incoherent thing any Obot has ever written on teh intarwebs. Srsly.)
Over at Obot Left, Mo'betta Bowers wonders if God-Emperor Obama has "kicked us to the curb." Has SuperBlackJesusRegan (as IOZ so aptly characterizes) kicked his faithfull pwoggie bloggie doggies to the curb?
Uh, Mo'betta, you're already in the gutter. Obama doesn't have to soil his wingtips on you.
"Dispirited" is the new "primarying." Balk the Left, Obot Left, Pwogman!, all the fauxgressive kewl kids are using it passive-aggressive style to describe how the "left" wing of demotard party will feel in 2010 if they don't get their cheap plastic Public Option(tm) toy from daddy this year. You can predict with 100% accuracy how the DP elite would react (if they knew, that is.)
So what.
Of course, you, me and everyone we know are fully aware that the Solomont-Clark-Barzun crowd don't give a fart in a high wind whether the pwoggie proles are "dispirited" or "joyous" or "gassy" or "martinized" or whatever when they vote. The self-neutering pwogwessives will obediently troop out to the polls and hit the 'Thank you sir may I have another kick in the crotch' lever no matter what "their" party does and the Advertise Liberally crowd will do their damnedest to make sure they do exactly that, lest the lose their seat at Nutroots Nation next year.
But everyone knows all that. My concern is - if the pwogs insist on making empty threats, couldn't they at least put a little 'oomph' behind it? That whole 'primarying' thing was bullshit, but at least it had a sort of plausibility about it. (If you ignore the 95% incumbent re-election rate, the DNC financial deathgrip on almost all of the state parties and several laws of physics.) But, really, is threatening to be "dispirited" the best they can do now? On the scale of empty threats, that rates right up there with an invasion by Micronesia or a Partridge Family reunion tour.
What are you gonna do next, pwog? Bleed on them?
(Update: One of the NewsPwoggers has cast down the gauntlet! He claims he won't personally vote for any D that votes against their useless plastic crap toy. Cheapass lesser-evilism at it's finest, ladies and germs.)
"OMG! Teh Gayz are gonna do something without us! We can't have these second class citizens protesting God-Emperor Obama! We must stop this immediately because, because, er...uh...the recession! That's it! The recession! Harrumph! Harrumph!"
What has the power to unite such disparate voices as Balk the Left, Diggly Wiggly, Gesundheit, the NewsPwogs, Pandadroppings and Pwogman! in a single chorus of opprobrium? I mean, we're talking about a group of bloggers whose opinions run the gamut of political, philosophical and moral thought from A all the way to B! How could anyone or anything get all these unique and special, special voices chanting in unison?
Well, this Kein fellow, he must have done something fairly despicable, nu? He must be advocating genocide or torture or the new Madonna album. These influential progressive pundits wouldn't waste precious electrons on anything less! So it's gotta be something like that, right?
Well, no.
Long story short, there's a pissing contest going on between low level DP media flunky Klein and even lower level DP media flunky Glen Greenwald. It's the tiresome kind of you-said-I-said and who-shot-john and blah-blah-blah that fauxgressivebloggers love. And, as we all know, anytime two of the bigger kids get in a playground scuffle, a ring of smaller kids always forms around them.
