How the Average American Looks At Europe

I kan haz reeding comprehenshun?

Courtesy of Google's new "reading level" search app, we at DGH are consoled that we are slightly less dumb than Queen Diggy. (*facepalm!*)




























Update: Moar smartypants...

If a pwog falls in the forrest...

Fauxgressives luvs them some "internet activism." It allows them to pretend they're engaging in meaningful political action while never having to leave the warm 'n cozy comfort of their local Starbucks. Of course, "internet activism" has the same relationship to real activism as Wii Sports has to real athletics (not-a-fucking-thing) but don't be a lulz killer and tell them that. Otherwise we wouldn't get hilarious blog posts like: Open Letter to the Left Establishment: Pre-Post-Mortem over at soon-to-be-punted-to-the-Pwoggie-Bloggie-list, Corrente.

The post is a tl:dr catalog of butthurt over fauxgressive non-reaction to the titular Open Letter, which is itself a tepid plea to famous fauxgressives from slightly-less-famous faugressives to be a little less, well, fauxgressive. So far, this mighty effort has garnered less than the number of e-signatures on the latest 'Continue "Firefly" Petition' and elicited exactly zero responses from the targeted Obot celebs. (With the exception of Katrina (party)van dem Eggs who was overheard in the offices of 'La Nation' laughing wildly over the petition.)

Fortunately, our feckless pwogwessives don't have the first fucking clue where to look for real opposition to the Empire. Though some pwogs have begun baaaaw-ing at on-line resistance groups, they're still blissfully clueless when it comes to IRL. I, for one, hope they stay that way.

The End of the World as We Know It

(Lord of the Rings 4 - Return of the Pwogs)

Apres election, Diggy has been in full-blown-gonzo butthurt meltdown mode. Yet, while mourning the losses of her filthy warmongering corporate-owned party, the Democrat Drahma Queen is also listening to more right wing media than the average John Bircher. 'Why would anyone torture herself like that?' I hear you ask. 'Easy.' You hear me answer. Diggy's breathlessly waiting to hear Sarah Palin order her minions to go forth and wipe out liberals Rwanda-style:

"But this daily ranting about the evil of liberalism and the inhumanity of liberals seems to finally be reaching some sort of critical mass in which those on the right who hear nothing but this sort of raving all day long have come to believe that liberals -- not liberalism -- must be eliminated."

Of course, Diggy goes on to mitigate her hysterical (-ly funneh!) statement in the next sentence. (Like most passive-aggressive pwogs, Diggy doesn't actually mean anything she writes because that would be too much like making a stand.) Yet here she is, trying to sell visions of Beckian hoards storming out of the flyover states to besiege the gates of her gated California community Minas Tirith-style.

Is Diggy tuning in to assclowns like Limbaugh and Beck on an hourly basis to somehow deaden the agony of defeat? Is she already trying to scare her fauxgressive followers into action for 2012? Your guess is as good as mine.

Your Daily Lulz

Click on the pic for Mike Flugennock's deadly (accurate) political cartoons and insightful commentary.

Rationalization-A-Palooza!

Having been pounded in the latest round of ballot box stuffing, our little herd of pwoggie moo cows is in rough shape. They've got a dilemma. Our brave access bloggers must rationalize to their demotard fans their corporate warmongering party's loss to the other corporate warmongering party! The intarweb pwog faithful must be keep in line, but how? This is serious business! A lot of PayPal donations, interviews with minor administration flacks and Nutroots Nation seats are riding on this. Here's the "shorter" rationalization roundup:

Balk the Left - 'Our Team lost because of the economy and stupid stupid voters!' Plus this gem from the exasperated comments section:

"But take healthcare reform alone: how on any planet can that be argued as incremental? Even it's detractors on the left acknowledged that it was the most material progressive societal policy change since the Depression."

Bwa!

Bibbitybobbityboo - 'Our Team lost because of the economy and stupid stupid old people!'

Extreeeeeem Obot - 'BETRAYAL! MURDER! FIREBAGGERS MADE US LOSE! DAMN YOU HAMSHER AND GREENWAAAAAALD! But it's all part of natures great cycle so I'm not worried. Nope. Not at all. DAAAAAAAMN YOUUUUUU SUSIE MANDRAKE!!!'

Gesundheit - 'We lost because of the bad economy. My master didn't know we would lose because of the bad economy. I could have told my master we would lose because of the bad economy but I was at the vet that day. Woof. '

Newspwoggers - 'I'm too depressed to make excuses for my democrat masters and betters right now - so here's what everyone else thinks.'

Obot Left - Of course it's obvious we won even though we lost.

Pwogman! - 'We lost because stupid white people didn't vote for our team. We must move our party to the right!'

Shakes the Democrat - [Shakes channeling "Eros" from Plan Nine From Outer Space] 'You see? You see? You stupid voters and your stupid minds! Now we're doomed! DOOMED I tell you! Stupid! Stupid!'

The Lame Gimmick Pundit - 'You see? You see? You stupid voters and your stupid m...wait, did someone do this bit already? Dammit!'

The Panderdome - 'Racist homophobic old white people stole the election from us. But I have a cunning plan. We'll out live them!'

Wabbit Season

"Or we'll all be killed in our beds!"

I'm proud to report that the mid-term elections have driven our herd of pwoggie bloggers into a veritable frenzy of butthurt and fail. Having absolutely nada to run on, pwogwessive strategery this season is equal parts scaremongering, lesser-evilism and, well, nothing else. Here's the lulz:

Item: Shakes the Democrat (trigger warning for spinelessness) has shocked the world by announcing her intention to vote straight D ticket. The lameass excuse this time is she's an "economy voter" and not, apparently, a preening self-righteous asshole with a small inbred cult of ass-kissing drama queens.

Item: Pwogman! is in full Angry German Kid mode, obsessively issuing sneering pronouncements of immanent doom from the Fortress of Pwogitude with the kind of ferocity usually exhibited by apsie-afflicted teenage WOW players.

Item: Is there really any reason to check out Alas, a pwog anymore? He's far too busy flogging his dreary comic book to bring the demotard boot-licking which has brought us so many lulz in the past. If his mission to bore the shit out of kids is going take precedence over ineptly (and hilariously) shilling for the D half of the corporate war party, there's a whole galaxy of pwog bloggers that could take his place.

Item: You know it's the silly season when Diggy turns off her comments. As per orders she's running scaaaary tea party Youtube vids 24/7, as is AmandaPander, Obot Left and the other listserv pwog blogs.

Item: Extreme Obot has turned up his unique blend of mindless cheer leading and paranoia to 11. (Though he seems to have changed the target of his limb-flailing tantrums from The Jane Hampster Firebagger Band Experience to Glenn Greenwald's Pwoggie Puppet Show.)

Item: For the most part Lamey has dropped his oh-so-edgy naughty word schtick and has taken up...wait for it...boringass fauxgressive pronouncements of doom! Lamey, I know your original act wore out like a cheap suit but, please, let Booman do Booman.