"Or we'll all be killed in our beds!"I'm proud to report that the mid-term elections have driven our herd of pwoggie bloggers into a veritable frenzy of butthurt and fail. Having absolutely nada to run on, pwogwessive strategery this season is equal parts scaremongering, lesser-evilism and, well, nothing else. Here's the lulz:
Item: Shakes the Democrat (trigger warning for spinelessness) has shocked the world by announcing her intention to vote straight D ticket. The lameass excuse this time is she's an "economy voter" and not, apparently, a preening self-righteous asshole with a small inbred cult of ass-kissing drama queens.
Item: Pwogman! is in full Angry German Kid mode, obsessively issuing sneering pronouncements of immanent doom from the Fortress of Pwogitude with the kind of ferocity usually exhibited by apsie-afflicted teenage WOW players.
Item: Is there really any reason to check out Alas, a pwog anymore? He's far too busy flogging his dreary comic book to bring the demotard boot-licking which has brought us so many lulz in the past. If his mission to bore the shit out of kids is going take precedence over ineptly (and hilariously) shilling for the D half of the corporate war party, there's a whole galaxy of pwog bloggers that could take his place.
Item: You know it's the silly season when Diggy turns off her comments. As per orders she's running scaaaary tea party Youtube vids 24/7, as is AmandaPander, Obot Left and the other listserv pwog blogs.
Item: Extreme Obot has turned up his unique blend of mindless cheer leading and paranoia to 11. (Though he seems to have changed the target of his limb-flailing tantrums from The Jane Hampster Firebagger Band Experience to Glenn Greenwald's Pwoggie Puppet Show.)
Item: For the most part Lamey has dropped his oh-so-edgy naughty word schtick and has taken up...wait for it...boringass fauxgressive pronouncements of doom! Lamey, I know your original act wore out like a cheap suit but, please, let Booman do Booman.
Oh, but don't you understand, Smithee? You have to vote Democratic, otherwise it'll be a disaster! This really is an important election, even more important than the last one, the most extra super duper ultra double-yum mostest importantest election ever, the most super-duper ultra double-yum importantest election ever since the Earth accreted enough material for gravity to compress it into a sphere!
ReplyDeleteYou've got to vote; otherwise, you're going to be to blame for everything!!!11!!!!11
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Sorry... I really need a bong hit right now, and there isn't a scrap of weed in the whole damn' house. Really sorry, man.
I feel your pain, Mike.
ReplyDeleteGod Damnit, I accidentally clicked on Shaky's link and since my reset button was out of reach had to smash my computer monitor on the floor! You can send the $200 it will cost for a new one to my PayPal account. (I've broken into my roommate's room and stolen his laptop to write this, before you ask.)
ReplyDeleteI normally don't look forward to being called into work on a Saturday. Work is tiring as fuck, and the IRS just eats most of whatever pitiful overtime I can log, once payday rolls around.
ReplyDeleteThis week though, having to work Saturday is a blessing. mr_xeno can attend the Stewart/Colbert Pro-Bama Preach-A-Thon in peace, and I can be far, far away. It's a win-win, Folks!
Did I tell you that there's a hot new fabric in the warehouse that I think is meant to resemble cherry blossoms or something, and yet it sort of looks like splattered brains in a zombie flick (as colored by Peter Max)? Seems appropriate for the season, don't you think?
ms xeno said:
ReplyDeleteThis week though, having to work Saturday is a blessing. mr_xeno can attend the Stewart/Colbert Pro-Bama Preach-A-Thon in peace, and I can be far, far away...
Glad to hear that. I, too, will be attending tomorrow's lamefest -- as a samizdat newsreel photographer, part of the Town Hell Posse (basically, me and two or three of my pals) in an attempt to find and videotape scenes of Liberal civility so ironic as to be comical, for use in a savagely ironic satirical music video set to the international smash pop hit, "Trololo".
My wife and some of her friends will be attending also, though in a totally serious and non-ironic sense, as loyal and dutiful Liberals. Augh. My brain hurts already.
Tomorrow's Word Of The Day: Trololorolling.
I'm going to kill puppies and drink barbeque sauce and vote republican. Where's my tax cut? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!
ReplyDeleteI'm going door to door. My conscience has been awakened by Miss Digby's relentless pursuit of lesser-evil-realism. It's not crackpot at all. It's the light at the end of the tunnel! Utter anarchy awaits if any seat goes to an Evil Rethuglican. I see that now. And it scares me. I'd type more, but I have to go canvassing. Toodles.
ReplyDeleteAuuuugh! Hoist by my own petard! Well, now that we've lost Oxtrot, I've nothing left to do but suffocate myself in a bolt of Ms. X's cherry blood-spatter cloth.
ReplyDeleteAlas! I fall upon the thorns of life. I bleed!
You guys are all the gee-ratest, as they used to say on Animaniacs. Mike F., Charles, Alan, thanks for suffering so that I don't have to!
ReplyDelete(((chaste group hug)))
Thanks, Ms X. I think you're swell, too.
ReplyDeleteIs it getting hot in here, or is it just me?
I think that's just the smoke from biscuit eater's bbq'd puppies.
ReplyDeleteThankfully, I'd already decided on the vegetarian nacho plate. :/
BTW, John Caruso at The Distant Ocean has a great Nader retrospective going on right now, for any of you Oughts nostalgia hounds.
First we shall overrun the Libertarian and Green Parties, then we will slaughter the Democrats. Then the hindu god will fall. And then the Christian god will be cast down and forgotten. SOON! Kali Ma will rule the world.
ReplyDelete- Mola Ram
This ad was paid for by the GOP.
Wow. There are just, so many terrible people I didn't know exist.
ReplyDelete