Thursday, January 7, 2010

Trouble in Paradise

Don't look now, ladies and Germans, but there's a Gotterdammerung sized storm a brewin' above the caring, nurturing, nauseating cult ashram better know to lovers of the absurd as Shakeytown. What's it about this time? Does it really matter?

No, not really.

Ya see, Shake-A-Puddin's hissyfits run on a schedule more predictable than Old Faithful. If Amtrak ran with such precision and regularity it would have been bought out and disassembled by the oil corporations as a threat to their profit margins. Not that Shakeytown should be any different than any other personality cult. Jonestown had regular loyalty drills (plus better quality kool-aid) and the Branch Davidians had to endure self-pitying diatribes from messiah-wannabe David Koresh not all that different in content from Melissa's weepy/angry missives.

The theme of this one is "we all make mistakes so shut up and love me" which, if I recall correctly, is a repeat from last summer. But I'm too lazy to check and anyway the Drama Queen has already stomped off with many tearful warnings of shutting down threads that don't meet her high standards of fawning adoration. All that's left to do is sweep up the blood and entrails, then comb the ruins and pick out a sampling of the more hilarious bits from the comments section. Like, say:

"I don't believe a presumption of good faith should have to be earned — though of course if it is to be earned, it is surely true that Melissa has..." (Because I have always relied on the kindness of strangers.)

"Disagreements are hurtful when they are(as Melissa said in the post) "engaging in ad hominem attacks (The Green Party, uh, took my shoe!), using silencing tactics (This thread is closed!), jumping to unfounded conclusions about allegedly reprehensible motives (Ralph Nader hates God, The Country and The Holy Democrat Party!!!), or in some other way accusing me of acting in bad faith."

"She takes an incredible amount of vitriol here in her own space and still has the compassion to open her inbox to random strangers on the internet..." (Why, she's just like Saint Damien de Veuster - but without all that annoying leprosy.)

"I hope Melissa has a lovely weekend full of kittehs, Scotsman, naps and snacks." (Kittehs, Scotsmen, Naps and Snacks - the new slogan of the Obama administration.)

"This is HER blog. She is, in fact, at the center of all that happens here and has the scars to prove it." (Like a combination of Narcissus and Sparticus if both were needy hyper-sensitive intarweb dweebs.)


  1. But she has a great personality!

  2. And she has a tremendous singing voice...

  3. And Smithee claims to not understand why I gave this sort of thing up and started reading superhero comics to waste time, again.


  4. Hey, I understand! I have all the back issues of Pwogman! except the crossover one where he and Spiderman team up to fight Super Coulter and the Injustice League of the Intarwebs.

    (And btw, they're "graphic novels.")

  5. Alan, I don't have an e-mail for you, so I'm commenting here to let you know my new posts aren't cycling into your sidebar for the last couple days. I don't know if it's your site or a Blogger malfunction.

  6. Rabbit Trail No. 1 -- I've been enjoying the IOZ commenters who think Mr Smithee and I are the same person.

  7. And BTW, they're "graphic novels."

    Elitist. :p