Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Rationalization-A-Palooza!

Having been pounded in the latest round of ballot box stuffing, our little herd of pwoggie moo cows is in rough shape. They've got a dilemma. Our brave access bloggers must rationalize to their demotard fans their corporate warmongering party's loss to the other corporate warmongering party! The intarweb pwog faithful must be keep in line, but how? This is serious business! A lot of PayPal donations, interviews with minor administration flacks and Nutroots Nation seats are riding on this. Here's the "shorter" rationalization roundup:

Balk the Left - 'Our Team lost because of the economy and stupid stupid voters!' Plus this gem from the exasperated comments section:
"But take healthcare reform alone: how on any planet can that be argued as incremental? Even it's detractors on the left acknowledged that it was the most material progressive societal policy change since the Depression."
Bwa!

Bibbitybobbityboo - 'Our Team lost because of the economy and stupid stupid old people!'

Extreeeeeem Obot - 'BETRAYAL! MURDER! FIREBAGGERS MADE US LOSE! DAMN YOU HAMSHER AND GREENWAAAAAALD! But it's all part of natures great cycle so I'm not worried. Nope. Not at all. DAAAAAAAMN YOUUUUUU SUSIE MANDRAKE!!!'

Gesundheit - 'We lost because of the bad economy. My master didn't know we would lose because of the bad economy. I could have told my master we would lose because of the bad economy but I was at the vet that day. Woof. '

Newspwoggers - 'I'm too depressed to make excuses for my democrat masters and betters right now - so here's what everyone else thinks.'

Obot Left - Of course it's obvious we won even though we lost.

Pwogman! - 'We lost because stupid white people didn't vote for our team. We must move our party to the right!'

Shakes the Democrat - [Shakes channeling "Eros" from Plan Nine From Outer Space] 'You see? You see? You stupid voters and your stupid minds! Now we're doomed! DOOMED I tell you! Stupid! Stupid!'

The Lame Gimmick Pundit - 'You see? You see? You stupid voters and your stupid m...wait, did someone do this bit already? Dammit!'

The Panderdome - 'Racist homophobic old white people stole the election from us. But I have a cunning plan. We'll out live them!'

12 comments:

  1. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA oops, damn, I've wet 'em. Thanks a goddamn' lot, Smithee.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Btw, wow, Smithee... you read my mind on the Plan 9 reference, there.

    And, just by coincidence, I was watching Plan 9 last night after finding a nice clean copy on archive.org, long after pretty much giving up finding a copy on DVD anywhere.

    That goddamn' picture's beyond "so bad it's good"; Plan 9 is so bad, it's awesome... and the guy who plays that Eros character is obviously a radio announcer who was desperate to break into the movies.

    Still, let's not let the hilarity blind us to the sobering profundity of The Great Criswell's message: you are interested in the Future because that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.

    Truer words were never spoken... and, apropos to the recent shellacking -- Let us punish the Guilty... let us reward the Innocent...

    ReplyDelete
  3. I missed all the commotion. I blame the bourbon. :o

    ReplyDelete
  4. It appears that Mr Hynd failed to run his post past his editors, who contacted me and asked me to post this revised version.

    *****************

    Oh dear carapace, forsooth... that I may yet face the need to leave another comment explaining that I'm superior due to my Englishness-ish-ness. Have you Yanks any grasp of what it takes to believe myself an Expert on American Politics?

    It's cracking good Cricket, actually.

    I've never been open-minded, in fact I keep telling people I am NOT going to vote Dem. Of course, this line of argument should be deleted. As a UK citizen, I cannot vote in American elections. Therefore, how dishonest.

    To be even more dishonest, I think.

    I fear and swoon at the idea that I'm only on your list because I disputed a comment of yours at Jew'sKosherHogs once -- and it was for use of obcsenity and ad hominems. You actually argued that Israel is a murderous thug-state. Petty anti-Semitism? Or the truth? I say the former, and stand on ceremony -- like a marble statue.

    Since I'm neither imaginative nor self-directing, I've voted straight ticket socialist my whole life.

    I'm a Brit, not American, can you say the same DirtyGreyFraud?

    Oh, and please criticize me, for it is incredibly rich with ideas -- and I lack ideas.

    Regards,

    Steve Hynd @ Newshoggers

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks for the translation, Mr. Oxtrot. The massive amount of butthurt in that comment broke my pwog-english translator gizmo.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I cried a river while translating. It was heart-wrenching. Clearly, this is serious stuff!

    ReplyDelete
  7. No one ever deletes my comments anymore. I feel like I'm losing my touch or something.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Actually, Smithee, I've just had a look at the Extreeeem Obot post, and I think your analysis could've been stated even more succinctly, in a sort of anguished and enraged William Shatner voice:

    KHAAAAAA-AAAAAANNNNNNNN!

    ReplyDelete
  9. "We'll out live them!"

    Yeah, did Tim Wise lose his shit or what? It was amusing to see him backtrack and delete the "until you stop breathing" bit from his original essay. Too bad it had already been quoted all over the blogosphere. I can't figure out who is more hysterical: the white nationalists he tries so hard to inflame in order to make himself look noble or Wise himself. He plays a weird game.

    I'm still trying to get my head around the "our ankles survive" part.

    ReplyDelete
  10. That Bibbity thread is a real howler. One or two posters seem so intent on proving that old people are Right-Wing Demons who Hate Us All. They don't seem to notice that their own contemporaries in Blogland are opportunistic parasites in their own right; all too happy to market asshole politicians and thinkers of all ages just to make a fast buck. Meanwhile, said contemporaries stifle and/or ridicule anyone who tries to point out that some other system might be possible.

    But, hey! I'm sure Digby knows the PROPER way to EAT SOUP!! And THAT'S what really matters!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Have you seen the San Francisco Chronicle article, "Letter to a whiny young Democrat"?

    The summary of this article could have been written by Christopher Durang:

    "That wasn't enough! You didn't clap hard enough! Tinkerbell's dead!"

    ReplyDelete
  12. Nullifidian writes:
    Have you seen the San Francisco Chronicle article, "Letter to a whiny young Democrat"?

    The summary of this article could have been written by Christopher Durang:

    "That wasn't enough! You didn't clap hard enough! Tinkerbell's dead!"


    Nice characterization, there.

    Kinda' reminds me of an article in The Onion, published towards the end of the '08 campaign; the headline was something like Obama Claims He'll Disappear If People Stop Believing In Him.

    ReplyDelete