(4 Moar Yrs Plskthnx!)Here we go again, cats 'n kittens. Not a week in to the new year and already pwog access bloggers are gearing up for our 2012 election suckfest. Kicking off the festivities - an inevitable round of articles posing: 'Whutarewegonnadooooo?' (You know, "Whither the Democratic Party" and shit.) These get posted ever couple years as a first step of pwog celebs gently leading their fauxgressive flock to an inevitable answer - "More and Better Dems!" (Full points for recycling, guize. But -9000 points for style.)
Combining recent crumbs thrown to them by God-Emperor Hopey McChangey Sparkle Pony with the usual wishful thinking, scaremongering and logic so tortured you could call it a Saw flick; our fearless bunch of quivering bootlicks will soon be peddling this Meatloaf of Fail as their reason to give The Other War Party another four years in which to screw up the world. Prime example: Obot Left's "Sure We Bombed Several Thousand Afghan Children Into A Red Mist This Year, But - Hey! Lilly Ledbetter!"
The only semi-original attempt to keep the access gravy train going has come from Nader-bashing veterans Newspwoggers, who've adopted a hi-larious "Wait Until 2020!" strategy to keep the left in line. Sure! Let's sit on our thumbs for a few more years while (brb, thesaurus) Ciceronian councils of patience flow forth from their pwoggie panegyrics (ha!) Can calls to sign up with the Working Families Party (the Dem version of the Tea Party) be far behind?
(Update - Pwogman! issues hit list! Steve the Wonder D dispatched to, er, dispatch disloyal dems! Representatives quake in fear! Who will be next???)
Hey, no prob, cats'n'chicks. I'm ready for '12, too:
ReplyDelete(shameless plug)
http://sinkers.org/stage/?p=725
(end shameless plug)
I can't decide between "Whiners" and "Purists." Maybe I should just go with "PNWD."
ReplyDeleteIn the scaremongering department, I think Little Milty from SMBIVA said it best:
ReplyDeleteThe USA cannot collapse quickly enough for you [MJS], so that your dream Reich can take over. Objectively, THIS is what the destruction of your hated "Dembot" Party will bring. OBJECTIVELY, the collapse of the Dembots opens the door for the National Socialist. What else would rise up in its place?
What indeed?
Speaking of the 2012 election, I fell asleep while listening to the local public radio station's classical music—practically the only thing on the station that's at all listenable—and woke up to Morning Edition at 4:15 a.m. Their lead story involved some babbling idiot handicapping the Republican 'front runners' for the primary election, a year and a half away and before any of them had declared their candidacies.
ReplyDeleteThis is evidently what passes for news on NPR.
I despise you all and your cynicism. It just makes me ill to behold it. Ill, I say!
ReplyDeleteI, for one, was very excited to see Princess Pelosi's beaming mug as she handed the reins of power over to Johnny B. while I was reading [sic] one of those news sites way too embarrassing to name in front of all you world-weary highbrows. Naturally this is indicative of a bold new era of bipartisanism and compromise!! I'm excited! Are you excited?
[turns up Weird Al's live version of "Dare To Be Stupid" and pours another glass of cheap red wine]
Remember that the Princess'es lovely smile is indicative of this totally awesome, unprecedented Brave New Era™ in politics. We are sooooo lucky to have such brilliant, evolved, superior life forms looking after us. Surely all those gleaming white teeth and friendly, sweat-free handclasps don't indicate that the Princess and Johnny B. actually don't give a fuck about any of us or what we do, so long as we stay supine and out of their way between election cycles!
Right?
Null:
ReplyDeleteStanley/Those Kids Today/Milton the Bad-Ass Toaster Sock of 10,000 Aliases is much easier to enjoy if you assign him a funny voice while you're wading through his latest incarnation. The Swedish Chef is a classic approach. Or you could go with Candy Chipmunk from that old episode of Animaniacs:
"I so enjoy helping out those less perfect than MYSELF!"
ms xeno sez on 01.05.11 @19:41:
ReplyDeleteStanley/Those Kids Today/Milton the Bad-Ass Toaster Sock of 10,000 Aliases is much easier to enjoy if you assign him a funny voice while you're wading through his latest incarnation...
I don't normally respond to trolls or sock puppets, but I never miss a chance to take a shot at "Little Milton", as I call him, if only just because I get the chance to call him "Little Milton", and finish with a YouTube link to a performance by the original Little Milton:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuJnW0ow4bY
("Walking The Back Streets Crying")
I also love wisecracking back at Little Milton because his buttons are just too goddamn' easy to push. Like shooting fish in a barrel.
I pretty much leave These Kids Today alone, though, as he sounds like just your standard-issue GWU Young Republican and is boring as hell.
ms xeno sez on 01.05.11 @19:37:
ReplyDeleteI, for one, was very excited to see Princess Pelosi's beaming mug as she handed the reins of power over to Johnny B. while I was reading [sic] one of those news sites way too embarrassing to name in front of all you world-weary highbrows...
Wow, that wouldn't be the Drudge Report, would it? Shit, man, I hit Drudge every day at least twice. There's none better for finding out what The Enemy is up to, not to mention getting inspirations for cartoons. Drudge is also an excellent barometer for what news stories are the least important; generally speaking -- with some exceptions, of course -- the more "ink" Drudge gives a story, the less important it is... you know, crap like Michelle Obama Wears Sleeveless Dress To Reception, or Obama Bows To Japanese Prime Minister. I loved the conniptions Drudge had when Obummer made the traditional bow in greeting to Asian heads of state.
I also use Drudge Report to play what I call the Guess Tomorrow Morning's Today Show Lead Story Game; basically, I pick the four or five most outrageously sensationalistic -- but entirely inconsequential -- news stories on Drudge Report, and then make mental bets with myself on which story leads off the Today Show the next morning. I've surprised myself with the number of times I've been right.
Or, is it Daily Kos? I can't bear to go there hardly ever, myself; I end up having to replace my Smarm-O-Meter™ damn' near every time I go there. I do like to visit Kos from time to time, if only to remind myself that There But For The Grace Of God Go I. I think a lot of it has to do with having seen the Actual Kos Himself on Meet The Press one Sunday during the '08 campaign -- a weasly, smarmy, geeky little fucker who looks like the kid that even other geeks liked to pick on back in school.
I caught the change-of-command ceremony replay on Morning Joe this morning; this was one of those rare mornings where I didn't wake up to Morning Joe and have it totally fuck my head up for the rest of the day.
ReplyDeleteI know it was supposed to be moving and solemn and all, but I couldn't help sniggering to myself as the footage rolled and the incoming and outgoing House Speakers proffered their vapid remarks full of faux respect and humility. I think that oversized cartoon gavel may have had something to do with it. It looks like the kind of gavel that Wakko Warner would use if he were Speaker Of The House*. I mean, couldn't you just see it -- some Congress member runs overtime in his floor speech, and Wakko pulls out that huge-assed gavel and flattens him with one big whack?
*Wakko Warner, Speaker Of The House? Fuck, yeah; it'd be an improvement, if you ask me.
Mike F., I'm afraid I wasn't reading anything nearly as prestigious as Drudge or Mister Markos' Neighborhood. It was... [gulp!] MSN!!
ReplyDeleteBut thanks for the video. Most excellent! 8)
Wait, Gabrielle Giffords was one of the "disloyal jerkoff Democrats"? Conspiracy!
ReplyDelete