Dirty Greenie Hippy

Can't...resist...meme...too...strong...

2011-01-06T09:28:00.001-08:00

Second Verse, Same As The First

2011-01-05T11:24:00.001-08:00

(4 Moar Yrs Plskthnx!)

Here we go again, cats 'n kittens. Not a week in to the new year and already pwog access bloggers are gearing up for our 2012 election suckfest. Kicking off the festivities - an inevitable round of articles posing: 'Whutarewegonnadooooo?' (You know, "Whither the Democratic Party" and shit.) These get posted ever couple years as a first step of pwog celebs gently leading their fauxgressive flock to an inevitable answer - "More and Better Dems!" (Full points for recycling, guize. But -9000 points for style.)

Combining recent crumbs thrown to them by God-Emperor Hopey McChangey Sparkle Pony with the usual wishful thinking, scaremongering and logic so tortured you could call it a Saw flick; our fearless bunch of quivering bootlicks will soon be peddling this Meatloaf of Fail as their reason to give The Other War Party another four years in which to screw up the world. Prime example: Obot Left's "Sure We Bombed Several Thousand Afghan Children Into A Red Mist This Year, But - Hey! Lilly Ledbetter!"

The only semi-original attempt to keep the access gravy train going has come from Nader-bashing veterans Newspwoggers, who've adopted a hi-larious "Wait Until 2020!" strategy to keep the left in line. Sure! Let's sit on our thumbs for a few more years while (brb, thesaurus) Ciceronian councils of patience flow forth from their pwoggie panegyrics (ha!) Can calls to sign up with the Working Families Party (the Dem version of the Tea Party) be far behind?

(Update - Pwogman! issues hit list! Steve the Wonder D dispatched to, er, dispatch disloyal dems! Representatives quake in fear! Who will be next???)

How the Average American Looks At Europe

2010-12-26T15:36:00.001-08:00

I kan haz reeding comprehenshun?

2010-12-16T06:25:00.000-08:00

Courtesy of Google's new "reading level" search app, we at DGH are consoled that we are slightly less dumb than Queen Diggy. (*facepalm!*)

Update: Moar smartypants...

If a pwog falls in the forrest...

2010-12-15T09:34:00.000-08:00

Fauxgressives luvs them some "internet activism." It allows them to pretend they're engaging in meaningful political action while never having to leave the warm 'n cozy comfort of their local Starbucks. Of course, "internet activism" has the same relationship to real activism as Wii Sports has to real athletics (not-a-fucking-thing) but don't be a lulz killer and tell them that. Otherwise we wouldn't get hilarious blog posts like: Open Letter to the Left Establishment: Pre-Post-Mortem over at soon-to-be-punted-to-the-Pwoggie-Bloggie-list, Corrente.

The post is a tl:dr catalog of butthurt over fauxgressive non-reaction to the titular Open Letter, which is itself a tepid plea to famous fauxgressives from slightly-less-famous faugressives to be a little less, well, fauxgressive. So far, this mighty effort has garnered less than the number of e-signatures on the latest 'Continue "Firefly" Petition' and elicited exactly zero responses from the targeted Obot celebs. (With the exception of Katrina (party)van dem Eggs who was overheard in the offices of 'La Nation' laughing wildly over the petition.)

Fortunately, our feckless pwogwessives don't have the first fucking clue where to look for real opposition to the Empire. Though some pwogs have begun baaaaw-ing at on-line resistance groups, they're still blissfully clueless when it comes to IRL. I, for one, hope they stay that way.

The End of the World as We Know It

2010-11-11T09:21:00.000-08:00

(Lord of the Rings 4 - Return of the Pwogs)

Apres election, Diggy has been in full-blown-gonzo butthurt meltdown mode. Yet, while mourning the losses of her filthy warmongering corporate-owned party, the Democrat Drahma Queen is also listening to more right wing media than the average John Bircher. 'Why would anyone torture herself like that?' I hear you ask. 'Easy.' You hear me answer. Diggy's breathlessly waiting to hear Sarah Palin order her minions to go forth and wipe out liberals Rwanda-style:

"But this daily ranting about the evil of liberalism and the inhumanity of liberals seems to finally be reaching some sort of critical mass in which those on the right who hear nothing but this sort of raving all day long have come to believe that liberals -- not liberalism -- must be eliminated."

Of course, Diggy goes on to mitigate her hysterical (-ly funneh!) statement in the next sentence. (Like most passive-aggressive pwogs, Diggy doesn't actually mean anything she writes because that would be too much like making a stand.) Yet here she is, trying to sell visions of Beckian hoards storming out of the flyover states to besiege the gates of her gated California community Minas Tirith-style.

Is Diggy tuning in to assclowns like Limbaugh and Beck on an hourly basis to somehow deaden the agony of defeat? Is she already trying to scare her fauxgressive followers into action for 2012? Your guess is as good as mine.

Your Daily Lulz

2010-11-08T08:59:00.000-08:00

Click on the pic for Mike Flugennock's deadly (accurate) political cartoons and insightful commentary.

Rationalization-A-Palooza!

2010-11-03T12:34:00.000-07:00

Having been pounded in the latest round of ballot box stuffing, our little herd of pwoggie moo cows is in rough shape. They've got a dilemma. Our brave access bloggers must rationalize to their demotard fans their corporate warmongering party's loss to the other corporate warmongering party! The intarweb pwog faithful must be keep in line, but how? This is serious business! A lot of PayPal donations, interviews with minor administration flacks and Nutroots Nation seats are riding on this. Here's the "shorter" rationalization roundup:

Balk the Left - 'Our Team lost because of the economy and stupid stupid voters!' Plus this gem from the exasperated comments section:

"But take healthcare reform alone: how on any planet can that be argued as incremental? Even it's detractors on the left acknowledged that it was the most material progressive societal policy change since the Depression."

Bwa!

Bibbitybobbityboo - 'Our Team lost because of the economy and stupid stupid old people!'

Extreeeeeem Obot - 'BETRAYAL! MURDER! FIREBAGGERS MADE US LOSE! DAMN YOU HAMSHER AND GREENWAAAAAALD! But it's all part of natures great cycle so I'm not worried. Nope. Not at all. DAAAAAAAMN YOUUUUUU SUSIE MANDRAKE!!!'

Gesundheit - 'We lost because of the bad economy. My master didn't know we would lose because of the bad economy. I could have told my master we would lose because of the bad economy but I was at the vet that day. Woof. '

Newspwoggers - 'I'm too depressed to make excuses for my democrat masters and betters right now - so here's what everyone else thinks.'

Obot Left - Of course it's obvious we won even though we lost.

Pwogman! - 'We lost because stupid white people didn't vote for our team. We must move our party to the right!'

Shakes the Democrat - [Shakes channeling "Eros" from Plan Nine From Outer Space] 'You see? You see? You stupid voters and your stupid minds! Now we're doomed! DOOMED I tell you! Stupid! Stupid!'

The Lame Gimmick Pundit - 'You see? You see? You stupid voters and your stupid m...wait, did someone do this bit already? Dammit!'

The Panderdome - 'Racist homophobic old white people stole the election from us. But I have a cunning plan. We'll out live them!'

Wabbit Season

2010-10-29T09:13:00.000-07:00

"Or we'll all be killed in our beds!"

I'm proud to report that the mid-term elections have driven our herd of pwoggie bloggers into a veritable frenzy of butthurt and fail. Having absolutely nada to run on, pwogwessive strategery this season is equal parts scaremongering, lesser-evilism and, well, nothing else. Here's the lulz:

Item: Shakes the Democrat (trigger warning for spinelessness) has shocked the world by announcing her intention to vote straight D ticket. The lameass excuse this time is she's an "economy voter" and not, apparently, a preening self-righteous asshole with a small inbred cult of ass-kissing drama queens.

Item: Pwogman! is in full Angry German Kid mode, obsessively issuing sneering pronouncements of immanent doom from the Fortress of Pwogitude with the kind of ferocity usually exhibited by apsie-afflicted teenage WOW players.

Item: Is there really any reason to check out Alas, a pwog anymore? He's far too busy flogging his dreary comic book to bring the demotard boot-licking which has brought us so many lulz in the past. If his mission to bore the shit out of kids is going take precedence over ineptly (and hilariously) shilling for the D half of the corporate war party, there's a whole galaxy of pwog bloggers that could take his place.

Item: You know it's the silly season when Diggy turns off her comments. As per orders she's running scaaaary tea party Youtube vids 24/7, as is AmandaPander, Obot Left and the other listserv pwog blogs.

Item: Extreme Obot has turned up his unique blend of mindless cheer leading and paranoia to 11. (Though he seems to have changed the target of his limb-flailing tantrums from The Jane Hampster Firebagger Band Experience to Glenn Greenwald's Pwoggie Puppet Show.)

Item: For the most part Lamey has dropped his oh-so-edgy naughty word schtick and has taken up...wait for it...boringass fauxgressive pronouncements of doom! Lamey, I know your original act wore out like a cheap suit but, please, let Booman do Booman.

Dissention In The Ranks

2010-09-27T17:34:00.000-07:00

In his minds-eye, Pwogman! secretly thinks he looks just like this. Srsly. Lulz.

Recently the libertarians had the pleasant experience of having their Tea Party movement co-opted by the GOP. Now, in the wake of an undeniablely fascist scent wafting from the corporate-owned-and-operated Obama administration, are the pwogs who put him in office admist hosannas and rainbows now distancing themselves by trying to rebrand themselves as "Hippies?" Let's sift the clues...

Item: Does Pwogman! - the pwoggiest pwog who ever pwogged a pwog, know what his sidekick Stevie the Wonder D is doing?

Pwogman! has always been a super-demotard hippie puncher, super-railing against anyone to the left of Nixon in his corporate-owned toxic-landfill-of-a-party. Hilariously, he seems to think of himself in the "hippie" camp despite the fact that he's rooted so firmly on the corporate beltway side you couldn't pry him up with a tractor and a stick of TNT. And yet here's his scrappy little sidekick trying to reconcile a spat between faux-liberal democrat Jane Hamper and right-wing DLCer 'Ol Juan King Cole!

Is Stevie the Wonder D going to get the boot from the Fortress of Pwogitude? How long will it be before Pwogman! is looking for another sidekick? Tune in tomorrow! Same pwog time! Same pwog channel!

Item: Democrat Dave Anderson, one of the fearfulless pwoggie NewsPwoggers, seems to think of himself as a "hippie" too! Here's a clue for ya, Dave. If you voted for the God-Emperor - YOU'RE NOT A HIPPIE. DUMBASS.

Item: Even ace thanksralpher and think tank reject Diggles is fretting over all this so-called "hippie punching" - helpfully providing us with a history or the term through the centuries so filled with bullshit you'd think you were standing in the middle of an industrial feedlot.

Item: At least DNC insider Dr. Rosenrosen of Obot Left is sticking to his guns, ridiculing the very idea of doing anything outside of the sacred Democratic Party. (Harrumph!) He's (not very successfully) trying to use an already antiquated 4chan meme to paint all those annoying third party hippies as "Underpants Gnomes." Paging Dr. Rosenrosen - Ur l33t haxxor ski!!z r teh gey!!1!

Item: Speaking of lame attempts at humor, the Democratic Party bootlick called The Lame Gimmick Pundit has called forth from it's hoary grave the LOLcats meme to help explain away a weeks worth of his parties pettifoggery. What's next? Dancing Baby? Star Wars Kid? Pirates vs Ninjas? Your failures, let me show you them.

Random Item Wednesday

2010-09-22T09:25:00.000-07:00

"Voooooote Oooooboooomba!"

Item - Has pwogwessive princess Diggly turned off comments to quell a brewing revolt on Bibbitybobbityboo? The Democrat Doyenne's angsty brand of lesser-evilism hasn't been mollifying the suckers like it used to. Some of her less dim fans have even tumbled to her transparently manipulative "lookit the wingnut" scaremongering. What's a listserv liberal to do?

Item - Exweeeeeme Wibberal has found a guest blogger even dumber than himself! Take a big steaming gawp at "Staci" - a regular Wibberal groupie and Obot in good standing who is wondering why anyone would say her God-Emperor's stimulus didn't work. And why don't all those icky poor people just change stockbrokers? I mean, everyone has a 401K, right? So there's no reason not to get rich, is there?

Item - Forging forth at the far-flung frontiers of fauxgressive cluelessness, The Lame Gimmick Pundit ought to win some kind of award for this awesomely stupid statement:

Fuck anyone who says this is "playing politics." It's the Congress. Politics are always at play. You either support something or you don't, especially when it comes to fundamental rights.(emphasis mine)

Isn't that marvelous? But it begs the question - how does Lamey live with that much cognitive dissonance clanging around in his skull? Is Lamey some kind of new pwoggie mutation?

Item - Oh noes! Dave Sirota is crying fauxgressive foul on freeper super-freak Eric Erickson! Democrat Dave's dilemma? He stole my book cover! I ask you - is there no honor left in publishing business?!?

Item - The Fortress of Pwogitude is in full campaign mode - and Pwogwessive superhero Pwogman! and his sidekick Stevie Dee are blasting away at their arch-nemesis supervillian. 'The Republicans?' I hear you query. 'Super Karl Rove?' No! It's the stupid, stupid Voters!

While Pwogman! excoriates the War Party for actually pandering to it's base (teh horrors!) Sidekick Steve aims his formidable ire at the those gullible, dumb, stupid dumbhead Americans too stupid and dumb to support the Other War Party. Watch for a super-fit of super-apoplexy if the midterms don't go their way.

A Letter Back From America

2010-09-20T05:00:00.000-07:00

Josh (and friend) at a 'Save the Tiger' rally in Kabul
"Anyone know where I can find the anti-war movement?"

Dear Josh in Kabul,

Just read your "sloppy rant" over at NewsPwoggers. A few brief points, if I may:

1. You have no fucking clue what (or who) "the left" is. I dunno, maybe it's because you're a lameass democrat. (Don't even bother pretending your not, Josh. Don't even try to tell me you're some kind of vague-ass "independent" who just happens to flack for lesser-evil Democrats. Don't waste the electrons. Srsly.) Maybe you think you or some faction of your corporate-owned blood-soaked corruption-riddled party is "the left." It isn't, of course. Which brings us to...

B. ...the "anti-war movement." No part of your party constitutes, in any way, shape or form, even the most minutest tiniest teensy-weensyest part of the anti-war movement. Your party drove a fucking spike through the old anti-war movement back in 2004. It's dead, Jim. It's deader than Van Jones' career. The anti-war movement that's grown up since then, well, I doubt it's even a blip on your Washington Consensus Radar. That's just as well, really.

III. If/When you do get back from your little Kabul field trip, and by some massive stroke of misfortune you do figure out what groups constitute the left and the anti-war movement, do us all a favor. Stay as far as fucking away as you can manage. You're party is fucking toxic, Josh. Everything you and your foundation funded think tank corporate demotard flunkies touch turns to absolute shit. You know how Afghanistan is called "the graveyard of empires?" Well your party, the Democrat Party, is the fabulous fabled elephants graveyard of social movements. So stay in your bullshit job, make fauxgressives feel good about giving money to your DP bosses, and STAY THE FUCK AWAY.

Luv,

-Alan Smithee

Beaten to the Punch & Judy

2010-09-02T10:51:00.000-07:00

I was going to write a little something about the up 'n coming bi-annual flurry of ballot box stuffing and unwarranted optimism we laughingly call 'an election.' But Charles Davis not only beat me to it, he also did it a miles better than me. Go and read this antidote to the usual election year drivel pushed by the pwoggie blogs.

A Wolf In Pwog Clothing?

2010-08-19T12:06:00.000-07:00

(Extreme Obot?)

Fellow pwogwranglers, I may have been hornswoggled! The cumulative time spent reading Extreme Obot's blog has left me thinking he's running a clever parody blog Colbert-style. How else can one explain this:

"While that small but very vocal minority of Obama-haters keep chattering on, our awesome President keeps doing what he said he would do and delivering on his promises. Washington pundits don’t know how to act when someone actually does what they say and doesn’t let the media push them around with poll results. Keep it up, “Prez”, you’re doing an excellent job."

By itself this paragraph doesn't mean much. You can find similar on any of the pwoggie blogs. But the sheer amount of blind Obama worship! The vituperative hatred spat at anyone who dares to criticize the God-Emperor! Even the gawd-awful industrial gray look of the page begs the question - could even the most sycophantic demotard come up with a blog that repulsive?

Big Fish Eating Little Fish

2010-08-17T10:45:00.000-07:00

Item - Chris Bowwow, the DNC lapdog, is bailing on his little foundation funded fauxgressive Obot Left site. Did the grant money run out? Who knows. But now he'll be wagging his tail in a specially made (and specially paid) kennel at DailyKult (aka 'the Great Orange Satan') as per a weepy goodbye post at Obot Left.

"But the plants will die without you!" wail the disconsolate dembots in the comments. Well, sure, but they're all plastic plants anyway - as befits an astroturf site like Obot Left. The only question left is - who's gonna feed Rosenberg his daily dose of DNC talking points? Who's gonna empty Sirota's drool bucket? And what about Scarecrow's brain?!

A sad, sad day for pwoggiedom

2010-08-13T09:12:00.000-07:00

Mystery Matt's last known photo

That bastion of journalistic excellence, Progressive Reports Now, has published a shocking transcript of what may very well be the last interview of A-list pwoggie bloggie doggie / Hah-vad dipshit Matt Yglesias.

Our spies whisper that, in the course of an interview with ace fictional reporter Amber Milgram, every fauxgressives fave-rave fuckhead went into a ferocious feeding frenzy, consuming part of Amber's desk, some recording equipment and a passing office temp before lapsing into a coma-like state.

Reportedly, the last words of the professional bootlick were: "God...Dog...Krugman..."

No one at Yglesias' employer, DNC propaganda spewer Twink Pwogwess is talking - but rumors of his condition are multiplying like rabbits on meth. Some say he's dead. Some say he's still in a coma. Some say his head has been severed, placed in an ice cream bucket, frozen and shot into orbit. Some say he's been ground to a fine powder, shipped to China and sold as insect repellent. Some say he was only a couple of dogs in a man-suit to begin with.

Where in the word is Matt ? Who knows. But whatever the truth is, our crack DGH staff will keep updating this story as news, rumor and innuendo roll in.

Tuesday Pwoggie Roundup - Move 'em out, pwoghide!

2010-08-10T10:12:00.000-07:00

("Ooooooutrage.")

Teh intarwebs was gifted today with a jar of Instant Hilarity, courtesy of White House Press Fellator-In-Chief Bobby Gibbs. The faugressive moo-cow reaction to his stampy little hissy fit was immediate and immediately hilarious. Here's the roundup:

Alas, A Pwog - "You know what's really important? Fat kids."

Balk the Left - {Okay, how can I soft peddle this so my pwoggies don't spin out of control like last time?} "Here's a thread and another and another DONE! Controversy over! Now find something else to talk about."

Bibbidybobbidyboo - "OMG look at the wingnuts! How could anyone not vote democrat after seeing these tea party racists who are so racist and insane?"

Extweeeeeeeem! - "The TARP bailout was signed by teh Bush! I have proof! Our God-Emperor is holy and blameless and perfect in every way! All Hail the God-Emperor!"

Gesundheit - "Hahaha. That Gibbs - what a card. Hahaha. Ha."

Newspwoggers - "Hi. I haven't got the foggiest fucking clue about US foreign policy, military strategy or history in general. But, hey, I might get a chair at nutroots nation if spew coherent-sounding bibble-babble long enough!"

Obot Left - "Hey! Watch out! Doesn't the White House know we're SWING VOTERS? We might not vote Democrat next time, ya know! And now I'm going to ignore thirty years of history and present my proof. Exit polls! Haha! My logic is infallible!"

Pwogman! - "I know just how Gibbs feels. Damn those progressives who don't listen to me and think the way I tell them to! Damn them!"

Shakes the Democrat - "Teh Outrage! Worship me, shakies! (And remember, I'll banish anyone who disagrees with me!)"

Shakes' Comments Section - "We worship you! We worship you!"

Grampa Institution - "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..."

Lamey - "My taxes pay your salary, Gibbs! So watch out! Oh, and, uh, Fuck You! Yeah, that's it! Boy am I edgy!"

Panderdome - "I'm not a hippie, and I'll always support the Democratic Party of America no matter what they do, but I'm still offended. But the point is, my taxes pays Gibbs salary! How dare he!"

Extreme Liberal (actual photo)

Update: Correctly assuming that her pwoggie bloggie followers aren't much different from her dog, and thus won't get excited if she doesn't get excited, Diggy emerges from her gated community to pronounce: "Eh. No big deal.")

Son of Update: Making up for lost time, rising pwog-dog star Extreeeeeeeeem Wibberal twirls with delight, his little tail wagging like a metronome on overdrive, straining at the leash to personally lick Bobby Gibbs boots. Three posts and counting! ("Fuckington Post?" Really?)

Update 3 - in 3D!: And the prize for the most nauseating Obot apologia goes to cringing democrat toady Mike Lux at Obot Left for bragging about his work on reconciling pwoggies and union dupes to the wonders of NAFTA. (Hey, fuckhead, I've got 2 million landless Mexican farmers who'd like to have a word with you, you fucking shithead.)

Super-Duper Good Job Music Video Sunday Part Planck's Constant

2010-07-18T17:56:00.000-07:00

Let's wind up our little hit parade with Outernational's latest, a cover of Woody Guthrie's classic "Deportees." This last one goes out to The Lame Gimick Pundit for eagerly sucking the toes of every corporate-owned democrat since Carter. Give it a rest, Lamey:

Super-Duper Good Job Music Video Sunday Part Eleventy

2010-07-18T17:06:00.000-07:00

This isn't a music video, but I'm gonna dedicate it anyway so stop me if you can. It's a trailer for the 1982 sci-fi geek film "Tron" done in 1960's Saul Bass style. Crazy, baby.

Tron vs. Saul Bass from Hexagonall on Vimeo.

Oh, and here's Saul Bass vs. Lost in a kind of beach blanket bingo style. Dedicated to Lost fan Shakes the Democrat and all her icky bobblehead cultists. Teaspoon this:

Lost vs. Saul Bass from Hexagonall on Vimeo.

Super-Duper Good Job Music Video Sunday Part Dos

2010-07-18T16:53:00.000-07:00

SuperPwog Pwogman! has been on raging tiny-fisted tantrum in his fortress of Pwogitude, directing his ire 'gainst the forces of, to paraphrase, 'dirty lefty concern troll purity pure purists' or something like that. What-the-fuck is going on in Pwogmans! little demotard head remains a mystery, but lets see if we can't cool him off a bit with a little Marvin Gaye:

Super-Duper Good Job Music Video Sunday

2010-07-18T16:34:00.000-07:00

Damn its been a busy summer. But Music Video Sunday is a long long long long minutes long tradition here at DGH, so lets start it with a little Flobots. This one is dedicated to the faux-peace "we're not democrats we just vote for them" shitheads at NewsPwoggers. Check out their latest fellatio of fauxgressive Sen Al Franken (D-AIPAC) if you have the stomach for it. Also, on a purely person note, I'd just like to say to the NewPwog gang: "Collectively, you're the worst thing to happen to journalism since Charles Foster Kane fell off his sled. Feel free to die in a fucking ditch, you craven boot-licking frauds."

The Center Cannot Hold!

2010-06-17T14:24:00.000-07:00

I don't normally bother with the GOS because, well, it's just too fucking easy to be much fun. But this classic GBCW by DNC media shill Keith Olberman is too good to pass up:

"You want Cheerleaders? Hire the Buffalo Jills. You want diaries with conspiracy theories, go nuts. If you want this site the way it was even a year ago, let me know and I'll be back."

Oh! Teh Drama! Could it be even the Obots of Ko$ have finally at long last gotten sick of Olberman's faux-outrage schtick? Could the Hopey-Changey Sparkle Pony crowd have tumbled to Olberman & Maddow's stunningly obvious coordination with their White House masters and betters?

Well, probably not.

First you're cannon fodder...

2010-06-16T12:13:00.000-07:00

Trust the democrat doyenne of merit-school mandarins to blindly jump on the Cannonfodder Recruitment Act of 2010 bandwagon:

"This story from DKos yesterday just makes my heart hurt:

Eric’s story underscores the need for Congress to pass the DREAM Act immediately – it makes you wonder what objections any Member of Congress could possibly have to embracing Eric and thousands of other young people who are Americans in all but paperwork."

The long and short of it is - since the Pentagon can't sucker enough native born USA-ians to go slaughter in the name of Empire, their hunting for hopeful immigrants who are willing to go die and kill in Afghanistan for a green card.

Elitist-wannabe moral cretins like Digby & crew are either too stupid to know or too sunk in middle class apathy to care, presumably so long as the aforementioned cannon fodder vote democrat if they're fortunate enough to survive their hitch and if Uncle Sam honors his part of the bargain. (Ask a Native American or a union member about Uncle Sam honoring contracts.)

Boggled

2010-06-14T11:02:00.000-07:00

It comes as a surprise to no one (who isn't a head-in-the-sand pwoggie bloggie puddin'-pop) that Afghanistan has untapped mineral deposits such as lithium. But it's the unalloyed, 100% moronic reaction of the pwoggie bloggie elite that boggles the mind. No, really. I am truly boggled:

A Hopeful Discovery in Afghanistan
"Let Afghanistan become the indispensable source of laptop batteries. That is so much more hopeful than the source of heroin. "

~Pwogman!

Being utterly bereft of words, I can only respond in pictures. Here's a few, for instance, of the oil and mineral rich Niger Delta:

Now, my only question for Pwogman! and his cloistered little bunch of pampered merit school cronies is - does this look fucking hopeful to you?

(Update: Displaying a breadth and depth of naivete that utterly defies my ability to describe in mere human terms - Pwogman! chides his commenters for daring to be criticize the good intentions of international corporations. No, really. I'm not kidding.)

THE MOST DANGEROUS WOMAN IN AMERICA!

2010-05-30T20:31:00.000-07:00

According to access blogger / assessor of national threats / low-level democratic party suckup Digby, one of the nine women pictured below of THE MOST DANGEROUS WOMAN IN AMERICA. Can you guess which woman threatens our very existence? Mouse over - if you dare!

Oh. Fuck.

2010-05-24T13:05:00.000-07:00

Via the all knowing-all seeing Jack Crow, commenting on DFH emeritus SMBIVA:

Pwoggie Fatwa II - Pwogs On Patrol!

2010-05-20T09:43:00.000-07:00

Extreeeeeme Wibberal (last known photo)

Extreeeeeeme has had this particular burr under his bonnet for awhile, but now his lip-frothing rage has finally exploded all over his blog Scanners-style. Witness, then, Extreeeeeme's First Fatwa:

"I think it is incumbent upon us true progressives (I’m a liberal, damn it) to drive these posers from our party. There is nothing worse than someone who claims to be on your team but wants everything done the way they want it done – or else. These assholes are doing nothing but helping Republicans take control of our government again..."

Who are the dastardly infidels who are must be purged from the Holy and Apostolic Demotard Party's big giant circus tent? Who are the criminal terrorists who DARE make demands of God-Emperor Magic Sparkle Pony I?

It's the pwoggie bloggie law firm of Uygur, Hamsher and Greenwald. They're the worst!

"But..." I hear you object. "What about McKay, Newman and Probert? Aren't they worse?

NO you fool! There's nothing worse!

"Surely Bush, Cheney and Rumfeld are worse."

Mere jaywalkers compared to the devilish Gang of Three!

"Well, how about Hitler, Mussolini and Tojo?"

Nonsense! The Axis powers never threatened anything near as important as Our President-For-Life Barack Jesus Ghandi Aquinas Mother Theresa Gautama Skywalker Obama the One!

Clearly, Extreeeeeme has never seen The Jonas Brothers. But then he's been a shut-in since retiring from his job managing The Acme Buggy Whip Factory, so we really have to give him a pass on that one.

(Update: For an extra dose of arm flailing pwoggie outrage, check out Kay In Maine, Extreeeeeme's very own amen chorus, in the comments section. Hi-larious!)

Pwoggie Fatwa

2010-05-19T09:34:00.000-07:00

Continuing her jihad against anyone who even faintly opposes her boyfriend's ~~imperial wars~~ overseas contingency operations, Digby has scrawled a new face on her bloggie dartboard. The object of her latest fatwa? Bluegrass libertarian Rand Paul.

Not content with bashing the usual bunch of dirty greenie hippie peace nick types, our Democrat Doyenne has begun deluging her audience of delusional self-abusing demotards with post after post denigrating the "teabag terrorist." She's even sicked Triscut (4th rate access blogger and democrat-apologist-in-chief, for those of you keeping score at home) on the "proto-fascist" Kentuckian.

Triscut, I'm sure, will do his best to provide the usual pwoggie pap for the faithful, regurgitating the opinions of A-list pwoggie bloggers momma bird-style until Diggy finds another enemy of the God Emperor for him to panic over. Meanwhile, I predict we can look forward to some truly classic Diggy wigouts during the up-and-comin'. Stay tuned!

(Update: We've just reached the 1,000 dead soldier mark in Digby's Excellent Afghanistan Adventure. Yes we can! Yes we can!)

(Update: Digby's War to Liberate Afghanistan For Democracy is heating up, so another blast at mean old Rand Paul is in order. Gotta keep those peaceniks down, dontcha know.)

Democracy 101

2010-05-11T11:15:00.001-07:00

This is what great political cartooning looks like. (Go read the accompanying text, too.)

Move 'em out, Pwoghide!

2010-05-11T09:41:00.000-07:00

It's been a so long since the last round up! I bet the pwogs have wandered all over hell-and-gone and I'll have to ride for days to...

Huh. Well, nevermind then.

Alas, A Pwog - "Hey, all you single issue concern trolls! Nobody cares about abortion rights, so LEAVE KAGAN ALOOOOOOONE!"

Balk the Left - "There is a debate between fauxgressives and pwoggwessives over Kagan. Naturally, they're both wrong and I'm right."

Diggly Wiggly - "Andrew Sullivan sucks! Did anyone ask Roberts about his sex life? Kagan should be allowed to stay in the closet if she wants to. (Because, really, anything my boyfriend decides must be right.)"

Extreeeeeeeeme! - "Politics is just like grade school and their team is a big bunch of doodyheads! Hahaha! Here's several paragraphs of poor reasoned rationalization to prove it."

Gesundheit - "What can't we all just get along? Not that I care or anything. Harrumph!"

NewsPwogs - "Andrew Sullivan sucks! Did anyone ask Roberts or Alito about their sex life? Kagan should be allowed to stay in the closet if...she - uh, did somebody on the listserv already cover this?"

Obot Left - "Kagan is a wonderful selection by Our Emperor so shut the fuck up and send money to Joe Sestak, proles! My seat at ~~Yearly Ko$~~ Nutroot$ Nation may be on the line here!"

Pwogman! - "Andrew Sullivan sucks! Our God-Emperor says Kagan is not gay. Obey the God-Emperor, peasants!"

Shakeytown - "WHO CARES ABOUT KAGAN! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! WORSHIP ME, PEONS! MORE THAN USUAL, I MEAN!"

Grampa - "Camille Paglia, uh, I'm mean, Andrew Sullivan sucks! Or something. Whatever. Zzzzzzzzz."

Lamey - "Heh heh. Our God-Emperor is really sticking it to those Republicans by nominating Kagan. Eleventy-dimensional chess! Our Team Wins! Whooot!"

Panderdome - "Ironman 2 sucked so bad, I made a mixtape about it."

Hosannah Superstar

2010-05-10T12:03:00.000-07:00

(And if you think that's bad, check Oborg Superstar Shakey's latest - and don't forget to read the comments!)

Our Future President

2010-04-23T04:12:00.000-07:00

"Our Hero"

DGH is proud to announce Our First Political Endorsement: Harley D. Brown! for Idaho's 1st district congressman.

Deathless quote:

"Now that I am retired I have an intense burning desire to destroy all the works of those Progressive Liberal Politicians in Washington D.C. whom I brand as vile domestic enemies to the country and Constitution we’re SWORN TO DEFEND."

(Thanks to Charles Davis for alerting us on this paragon of Idaho.)

Boring Ass 2 - The Return of Captain Tedium

2010-04-22T09:52:00.000-07:00

It may be that I have mis-judged Amanda Pander. Yes, it's true! I may be wrong in my assessment of her as a mealy-mouthed excuse-making jellyfish pwoggie access-blogger. Instead, it's entirely possible that Ms. Pander is really not the cynical pandering demotard asshat I've believed her to be - but rather a delusional true-believing Obot somewhat on the order of the do-nothing know-nothing moron posting as Extweeeeeeeme Wibberal.

Just as Amanda can't understand that her cherished, holy Democratic Party wasn't created for her and really really doesn't give a shit about her - so it seems that Ms. Pander can't understand that comic book movies like Kick Ass aren't made for her and their corporate makers really-truly-honestly don't give a shit about her.

Let me put it this way. If you follow the trail of slime studio execs leave behind them until you actually corner one - and then feed him enough blow to stun a rhino - eventually he'll admit to you that the main reasons he greenlights comic book movies are:

1: They have a valuable built-in target audience.

and

b: They're cheap to produce.

What I mean about the first point is that, sure, you could produce Barnaby Rudge because it has a built in target audience of Dicken's fans - but that's nothing compared to the Clearasil covered masses of sexually confused adolescent boys who have enough disposable income to buy and entire Pacific island chain. The fact that any hack writer can chop a comic book's simon-simple plot into the simulacrum of a screenplay, and that any hack director can pull down a decent salary while letting the CGI crew do the lion's share of the directing for him, only makes the aforementioned coke-riddled studio exec's decision easier.

In short, comic book movies are marketed to fanboys for profit. Period. End-Of-Story. -30- Over-and-out. Full-Fucking-Stop.

Nobody is trying to slip in subversively women-empowering characters, as Amanda Panda seems to think:

“Kick Ass” is a movie about Hit Girl. What the filmmakers did was a classic bait and switch. They brought forth certain conventions of movies to lure you into thinking you’re watching one kind of movie (about a young man’s coming of age), and instead they gave you an entirely different story. That Hit Girl steals the show is the point.

This is about as absurd as saying that the Obama administrations recent health insurance company enrichment legislation is a way to secretly enact single-payer. It's beyond absurd and into a realm of fantasy seldom visited by the non-chemically enhanced.

Hit Girl is a fetish character - the sort of pre-pubescent school-girl-with-a-big-gun sex object that's been a mainstay of Japanese Anime and Manga (and to a certain extent European exploitation comics) since the early '60s. One of the reasons why Kick Ass didn't do very well on it's opening weekend is that this character isn't even very well known, much less accepted, among American fanboy audiences. Fanboys expect homoerotic undertones to their comic book movies, not the sort of guilt-free crypto-pedophilia peddled by characters like Hit Girl.

This is why I'm beginning to suspect that Amanda isn't just a cynical manipulator of lackwitted on-line pwoggies besotted by O-brand hopium, but an actual hopium smoker herself!

It appears to me that Amanda fundamentally doesn't understand marketing, the profit motive, basic human greed, and a lot basic human motivations. In Amanda's pwogwessive fantasy world the Democratic Party is the hard working champion of the vital middle class and not, as is fairly obvious, corporate-owned warmongering exploiters of middle class ignorance and apathy. Similarly, for Ms Pander, comic book movies subversively hide strong female characters within their garishly simple plots and are not, as again is abundantly clear, rather ham-handedly made fetish product marketed to sexually stunted over-stimulated pud-pullers.

But then again, as they say, there's no accounting for taste.

Boring-Ass

2010-04-19T10:58:00.001-07:00

Regular Panderdome reader (actual photo)

Having read Panderdome for some time now (certainly longer than I care to remember) I've come to the conclusion that, as ignorant and distasteful as Amanda Pander's politics are, her taste in movies is far, far worse.

Witness this glowing review of Kick-Ass, a comic book movie so blatantly contemptuous of it's target audience it doesn't even bother to hide it:

There were two things I knew coming out of the movie “Kick-Ass”: that I loved it, and that it was going to be one of those movies that really divides people.

Uh, well, not really. Popular consensus seems to have met oh-so-controversial Kick-Ass with a gigantic yawn. More people went to How To Train Your Dragon and that piece of CGI fluff has been in the theaters for four fucking weeks.

The plain fact is that Kick-Ass is simply another comic book movie that wears it's contempt for it's audience on it's sleeve. That it features some kiddie gore-porn in the form of Chloë Moretz as a violent 11 year old "superhero" just shows how far western comic books are behind Japanese anime. (And, yes, they're comic books. The term "graphic novel" was invented by marketing firms to give a thin veneer of legitimacy to six issue compilation comics that their target fanboy demographic might otherwise balk at wasting money on.)

Reading Amanda Pander's blitherings about the film reveals her basic ignorance of the fact that male adolescent revenge fantasy (with generous amounts of homoerotic undertone) has formed the basis of superhero comic books since their invention. The pimply teenage boys who are comic book movie's target audience don't go to them because they appreciate complexity of visual storytelling or the nuances of cinema. They go so they can grope themselves beneath their popcorn boxes while watching muscular spandex-clad men commit horrendous acts of violence. The reason Kick-Ass did so poorly amongst it's target demographic has more to do with the fact that it did not feature the above mentioned muscular spandex-clad men, but rather a spandex-clad little girl - and your average fanboy is already sexually confused as it is. No way are they going to know what to make of that.

However, I predict that Kick-Ass will do boffo box office amongst Japanese business men.

The Outrage of a Toad(y)

2010-04-14T08:04:00.000-07:00

BowWow prepares for a heavy day of craven bootlicking.

Chris BowWow, the DNC lapdog, is bemoaning the potential loss a major anti-teaparty weapon from his potent pwoggie arsenal of justice and freedom. But let's let him explain in his own words:

The methodology by which progressive media has attempted to delegitimize the tea party has two main trhusts:
Focus on how it was generated through large media and financial backing, rather than as a bottom-up, grassroots effort;
Anecdotally focus on the craziest tea party protesters, implying that they are representative of the movement as a whole.
While #2 has been the most successful, the efforts of a progressive in Oregon is about to singlehandedly render it useless. By publicly declaring his intention to infiltrate the tea parties with protesters to use as anecdotes for #2, Jason Levin is going to call all anecdotal examples of tea party craziness into question, thereby legitimizing the tea party protests even more.

Teh horrors! How dare this non-pwogwessvie-sanctioned upstart deprive Chris BowWow and his mighty pwoggie klaque of kool kids of a successful bit of lying-ass scumbaggery! Harrumph!

The first point is true only insofar as it depends on the group you happen to be examining. TeaPartiers are hardly a cohesive bunch. But BowWow's second strategery has been around since Hector was a pup. Media outlets have been using the 'Lookit the Crazy!' hook since the days of Charlemagne. And it's just as scummy and dishonest now as it always has been. But then, scummy and dishonest are pwogwessive trademakes - along with bootlicking, hypocrisy and a poor sense of style.

OBOMBA! FUCK YEAH!!!

2010-04-05T15:06:00.000-07:00

You know that elderly relative that blurs out racial epithets at Thanksgiving and embarrasses you in front of your girl/boyfriend? Well, over at his "institute," (read: 'assisted living community') Grampa has found something out about his much beloved God-Emperor...and finds it hi-larious! What's the source of gramp's mirth? Pakistani drone attack casualties!

"...what goes on between consenting nation-states within the privacy of their own borders is their own business, and this is just as healthy and loving and beautiful as any diplomatic arrangement."

Grampa - "Teh Funneh!"

Because, ya know, eviscerating children with drone-launched Hellfire missiles is a ripe field for comedy. And, hey, remember that picture of the Vietnamese kids running down the road with half their fucking skin burnt off by napalm? Fucking Comedy Gold, man!

And, hey, Gramps even approves of these atrocities! So long as they "get us out" of Afghanistan by 2012, well, Grampa has no problem with this:

Go-'Bama! Go-'Bama! Whooooot!

(Update: More hilarity for Grampa and the demotard peanut gallery as the forces of their God-Emperor admit to murdering pregnant women. Wheeee-Ha! Can't wait for his next laugh-packed post!))

Digby WTF #9,213

2010-03-30T13:39:00.000-07:00

Look, I know there's something inane published about ever other minute on Diggly-Wiggly. After all, that festering sore of a pwoggie blog is the one-stop shop for all things demotard. But, bullying is a the fault of republicans? Seriously?

"...there are real life ramifications to the spectacle of average Americans behaving like thugs. I think this may be one of them."

She goes on to insinuate that the suicide death of a young immigrant girl is the fault of right wing radio pundits, Bush administration torture policy, Sarah Palin's moose hunting, increased postage stamp prices, The Smashing Pumpkins, overly-salted french fries and super-violent Japanese anime. Or a few of those, anyway.

It's sick - using this youngster's suicide to score cheap political points. I know, I know - that kind of behavior is to expected from partisan hack-wannabes like Digby. After all, she's only imitating the mealy-mouthed demotard pundits she watches on TV. Or at least, that explanation makes more sense than trying to pin this death on Glen Fucking Beck.

The Last (Health Insurance Subsidy Bill) Roundup

2010-03-22T12:03:00.000-07:00

Alas, A Pwog - "Sure, women were thrown under the bus. But only the first four wheels! Victory!" (Update: "Necrophilia? Sure! FapFapFapFap!")

Balk the Left - "It would have been a lot better if they'd done it my way. (Pout!)

Diggly-Wiggly - "We're gonna get a pony soon! I can just feel it!" (Update: How DARE you disagree with me on this historic legislation! THE COMMENTS ARE CLOSED!)

Extreeeeeeme! - "OMG! OMG! W GOT A PONY! OBAMA GAVE US A PONY! RALPH NADER SUCKS! WE WIN 4-EVAR!!!eleventy!! FapFapFapFap!"

Gesundheit - "It was, of course, inevitable that I should be right. Fetch me another hopium pipe, you bally woggy! Chop chop!"

Newspwoggers - "I don't care how crappy the bill is. If it hurts the rethugugpugrapelicans, it's a good thing!"

Obot Left - "It's the Progressive Revolution For Hope and Change and A Pony! Well, mostly."

Pwogman! - (Sitting next to Extreeeeeem.) "FapFapFapFap!" (Update: "Did somebody say 'necrophilia?' Oh boy! FappityFappityFappity!")

Shakes the Demotard - "Um, well, whatever Atrios says. WORSHIP ME!"

Grampa - "Eh? Whut? Damn republicans!" {Shakes cane.}

Lamey - (Sitting next to Pwogman!) "FapFapFapFap!"

The Panderdome - "Hey! What's the matter with being thrown under the bus? I like it under the bus! Don't you?"

Health Insurance Bill Wrap-Up

2010-03-18T11:24:00.000-07:00

As far as recent developments go, this pretty much says it all...

"As with Progressive Democrats, so with progressives who vote for Democrats. Yes, they're angry about Iraq and Afghanistan and civil liberties and bailouts and drone strikes and health care and every other atrocity the Democrats sponsor or support, but it doesn't make a damn bit of difference, because everyone knows that no matter what happens they'll still dutifully vote for those same Democrats. And until the day comes when they finally decide there is some shit they will not eat, they'll continue to lose."

~~~David~~ John Caruso - The Origami Congressman

Direct from the Forbidden City...

2010-03-05T08:06:00.000-08:00

Fixed it.

2010-03-01T12:46:00.000-08:00

One of the God-Emperor's yippy little lap dogs over at the Obot Left kennel recently knocked together a typically sub-moronic think piece about, oh, how voters are stupid cretins who have to be lead by superior pwogwessive intellect or some such crap. I didn't bother reading much of it.

But it did come with an abso-tootly-ootly fabu flow chart which, with just a little DGH help, serves as a handy guide to the way pwoggie bloggies process their rationalization whenever the shitty corporate-owned demotard they're supporting inevitably loses an election. But will our helpfulness ever be acknowledged? Sigh!

Saturday Clean Coal Roundup

2010-02-27T10:06:00.000-08:00

If you read the pwog blogs as religiously as I do (and why wouldn't you?) you've no doubt heard about God-Emperor Obama's plan to shovel pallet-loads of cash into "clean coal technology." What, you haven't? Sure you have! Here's everything our brave truth-to-power telling moo-pwogs have to say about their God-Emperor's latest environmental atrocity...

Alas, A Pwog - "OMG repubthugrapelican Gov Tim Pawlenty wants to kill us all!!!!1!!eleventyone!!1!"

Balk the Left - "Aha! Proof! We're smart because we vote for democrats and they're dumb because they don't. Yep. Smart smart smart."

Diggly-Wiggly - "OMG repubthugrapelican ~~Gov Tim Pawlenty~~ Rep Ron Paul wants to kill us all!!!!1!!eleventyone!!1!"

Extreeeeeem! - "Did you know that I masturbate while mutiliating pictures of obese rightwing radio pundits? I do."

Gesundheit - "Um, I forgot to read the listserv so, um...first!"

NewsPwogs - "OMG racist repubthugrapelicans want to kill us all!!!!1!!eleventyone!!1!"

Obot Left - "OMG racist repubthugrapelicans want to kill us all!!!!1!!eleventyone!!1! (Part 5,927)"

Pwogman! - "Look! 67th dimensional chess!"

Shakes the Democrat - "It's cult member whats-'er-name's birthday. Don't forget to worship me in the comments, peons!"

Grampa - "But...but...I didn't vote for this. I thought we wuz gonna get a pony or somthin...zzzzzzzz."

Lamey - "Our fucking hero anally raped our enemy on tv and fucking fuckity fuck fuck buy my CD!"

"Who will rid me of this meddlesome legislatural procedure?"

2010-02-24T10:41:00.000-08:00

Amanda Marcotte (actual photo)

Back in the halcyon days of pwoggiedom, when the dems were a senate minority and their useless pwoggie allies had 1001 excuses for their master's mendacity, the senate filibuster was "wingnut insurance" - the last line of trenches that poor beleagured yet heroic Dems could man to repel the noxious tide of Repububthugrapelican aggression. Back then, the Panderdome fairly rang with demands for the D's to filibuster this or that. Their furor over the hated Other War Party's threat to use the "Nuclear Option" could not be contained by mere pixels. Why, the venerated Filibuster was even revered as an institution second only to Amnesty International on The Panderer's list of that which must be forever preserved from Bushian eeeeeeevil!11!!!one!!eleventy!!1!!

But now that we live in the Age of Ponies and Rainbows, the venerable filibuster has fallen on hard times. The pwoggie bloggie brigade, which once enshrined it as an indispensable shield against the forces of darkness, now scheme it's very destruction. "Kill it!" shrieks Amanda Pander, and her bobble-head bloggie chorus, carefully culled from the finest democrat jellyfish the intarwebs has to offer, takes up the call. "Kill the demon filibuster!" There hasn't been such an uproar in the Panderdome since Edwards kicked her and Shakes from his campaign.

Now, I put it to the jury. Is Pander a flaming hypocrite? Or is she just a clueless pwog? I leave it to your capable judgement...

(Update: Before the filibuster became "crazy" and "arcane", La Digs was urging her minions to go out on a wild and crazy limb and actually do something to protect it. True, that something was a lameass PFAW call-in scheme - but, hey! That's about as active as pwoggies ever get.)

What a relief!

2010-02-15T09:38:00.000-08:00

It's nice to know that people who live in other countries are just as blindingly stupid as citizens of the good ol' USA...

"It is not fucking acceptable to use your daughters’ bodies to make political points. It is a betrayal of your role as their parent to use your child’s body in this way. It will fuck them up. It’ll fuck them up even more if it’s going to be syndicated on every news feed in every part of the world, until someone in New Zealand is offering their opinion on it."

Yeah, I know. Living in the middle of the Empire lends one a much closer observational point than someone living on the fringes. But...fuck me! Didn't any of Maia's pwoggie bloggie hopey-changey friends shoot her an e-mail to sort of clue her in to what our political masters and betters are like?

The Empress is using her kids for political gain? Teh Outrage!!1!one!!!eleventy!1!! Millionaire power-besotted corporate lackeys like the Bushs, the Clintons and, yes, even Our Savior the God-Emperor Obama, would sacrifice their children on the alter of fucking Ba'al for a guaranteed 5% bump in the polls. Hell, they order the deaths of other peoples children on a daily fucking basis.

The scope and breadth of disconnection from the reality of life in the Empire it takes to be outraged about something this puny, well, that kind of disconnection can usually only be found in mental wards, space aliens and record company executives. Does Maia really think the upper class mandarins we elect in a flurry of ballot box stuffing ever couple of years would have the slightest, most infinitesimal compunction towards exploiting their own kids for gain? I read pwoggie blogs on a daily basis and even Extreeeeem Obot isn't that naive. (Okay, well, maybe he is.) But really, who in-the-seven-hells do people like Maia think is running this Popsicle stand? Mother Fucking Theresa?

The Chores!

2010-02-05T10:10:00.000-08:00

(Arianna Huffington. Maybe.)

This is a real actual quote. Srsly.

"When are the democrats and real progressives going to call out the Arianna Huffington’s, the Jane Hamsher’s and the Cenk Uygur’s on their undermining of progressive causes? When are we going to stop playing footsie with those who want to bring down our democratic president who is fighting against the new 41 seat majority of Republicans? When are we going to take a look at these folks as the turncoats that they are? I’m going to keep hammering them."
~Extreeeeeeeme Obot.

Oh noes! Don't hurt 'em, Hammer!

Look, I know Extreeeeeme's blind spot is wider than six counties and he's dumber than a bag of hammers. But, really, Arianna Fucking Huffington barely qualifies for the flyweight division of political commentary. Nobody in the DNC gives a ripe fart what she thinks so long as she brings in the cash. Could Extreeeeme have found a less substantial target upon which to vent his Emperor-worshiping spleen?

Why Panderdome is a Fucking Moron

2010-02-03T09:08:00.000-08:00

Nevermind that she's a spineless demotard access blogger. Put aside the odious moral cretinism she affects on behalf of her warmongering party. Ignore the fact that her mindless cheer leading is so annoying it could give every massive stone head on Easter Island a migraine. Marcotte has plumbed the abyss of pandering to the lowest, most cowardly, most cravenly toadying demotard and dredged from the slime an Oscar nod for shlockteur Quentin "One Trick Pony" Tarantino's Inglorious Bastards.

I suppose it takes a real feminist like Marcotte to praise one of Tarantino's sub-juvenile revenge fantasies. Not like all those fake feminists who can recognize Quentin's "men with breasts" characters when they see them. Marcotte's odious brand of faux-feminism, in which women are free to act just like men, fits nicely with the boring ripoffs of grind house tropes Tarantino has been putting on to his dick flicks since Reservoir Dogs. (For those of you unfamiliar with g'industry palaver, a 'dick flick' is a movie made to appeal to adolescent boys. Essentially the other side of 'chick flicks.')

Taratino's masturbatory cartoon violence must be as comforting to smug, clueless pwoggies like Marcotte as it is exciting to the pud-pulling nose pickers that comprise the film's target audience. On those few occasions when they hear about God-Emperor Obama's latest foray into bloody-handed violence in Afghanistan or Pakistan, they no doubt imagine something very stirring and cinematic like Bastards. None of the dirt and grime of war from Kathrine Bigelow's by-miles-superior The Hurt Locker can be allowed to disturb the beautiful pwogwessive minds of Marcotte and her Amen Chorus. Truly, Marcotte's film preferences are as repulsively, contentlessly shallow as her politics.

Ride 'em in, pwoghide!

2010-02-01T11:38:00.000-08:00

Alas, A Pwog - "Dude! There's, like this tv show that I'm, like, totes into. Lets discus it in, like nauseating detail."

Balk the Left - "What this party needs is for more republicans to join up!"

Diggly-Wiggly - "The other team is doing populism better than we are! My boyfriend had better phony up some electoral reform bullshit now if he wants to save the big game!"

Extreeeeeeem! - "This post reveals the real motives of the folks at the Firedoglake, to damage the president as much as they can to prove that Hillary really should have been president, the votes of the people be damned." (Actual quote! I didn't make this up. Fuck, I dare anyone to try.)

Gesundheit - "Why can't we learn to lie better?"

NewsPwoggers - "Lookit the new pony daddybama will give us if we vote for him again! It's even prettier than the public option pony!"

Obot Left - "Their lies aren't as good as our damned lies - and I've got the statistics to prove it."

Pwogman! - "Why can't we have show trials for war criminals like they do across the pond? Whyyyyy?"

Shakes the Democrat - "The God-Emperor's budget is teh axesum! Validate my shallow analysis, peons!"

Grampa - "Darn kids today with their funny music zzzzzzzzz..."

Lamey - {furious masterbation}

The Panderdome - "Lookit the wingnut!"

“There is no flag large enough to cover the shame of killing innocent people.”

2010-01-28T05:08:00.000-08:00

Howard Zinn (1922 - 2010)

While the pwogs mindlessly coo and chirup about their murderous God-Emperor's latest speech, Howard Zinn left this veil of tears last night. Requiescat in pace.

“We need to decide that we will not go to war, whatever reason is conjured up by the politicians or the media, because war in our time is always indiscriminate, a war against innocents, a war against children”
~Howard Zinn

(Update: Alas, a Pwog posts about Zinn's advocacy of collective resistance - which is quite odd as none of these demotard jellyfish would recognize resistance if it set their dumpster on fire.)

(Update: In-between 'look-at-the-wingnut" posts, Diggy has a little footage of Zinn talking about Obama's bank giveaways. Check out the comments for some hi-larious attempts at claiming the poor guy for the demotard party.)

(Update: Holy crap! Shakes-the-Democrat actually pulled her head out of her ass long enough to cut 'n paste an obit. Honest injun! It's between a sub-moronic cartoon she "draws" and some TV show trivia shit.)

Question of the Day

2010-01-26T10:11:00.000-08:00

The DGH Question of the Day: "Is Dave Sirota an idiot or just a garden-variety demotard shill?"

Over at Obot Left - Sirota quotes Rhamses I as saying that passing the Health Insurace Give-Away bill would be as beneficial to the DP as passing NAFTA was back during the Golden Clinton Years of Peace and Prosperity, 1994. Sirota claims to be flabbergasted at such a remark, since he's of the opinion that that very thing was responsible for the D's poor congressional showing that year.

Possibly it doesn't occur to Sirota that the D's fund raising increased 30% after they shivved the people with NAFTA, and that's what Rhamses was talking about - anticipating a big ol' Clintonian-style windfall from big pharma and the health insurance corporations. Possibly Sirota doesn't understand that DP elites like Rahm don't actually give a fart in a hurricane about their "base" (ie: jellyfish pwogwessives and their access blogger minders), "democratic values" (whatever that's supposed to be) or winning elections - a fact that has been abundantly obvious for a couple of fucking decades now.

Or, possibly, Sirota's just another lame DP flack with delusions of Beltway grandeur. Your guess is as good as mine.

Peace of the Action

2010-01-24T15:58:00.000-08:00

Here's another example of at what real activism looks like. (Thanks Spartacus!)

The Flobots - "Rise"

2010-01-24T11:16:00.000-08:00

This one goes out especially to all the spineless do-nothing pwogs who deplore our bloody wars of occupation right up until it's time to vote in another bunch of corporate warmongers. Fuck the lot of you.

All hail President Fail

2010-01-22T05:02:00.000-08:00

Mike's latest just says it all. Click on President Fail to marvel at more of Mike's stuff, read some trenchant analysis and visit his schwag shop.

Constitutional Convention? Suuuuure.

2010-01-21T14:54:00.000-08:00

Obot Left's own 'Bait-n-Switch' Bowers is at it again. The magical pony he's offering this time is a "constitutional convention" which would presumably allow him and his access blogger cronies to re-write said foundational document, no doubt with input from a few of the more reliable bootlicks from the comment section. But wait! There's more...

"Further, even the building threat of what might come out of such a convention could be enough to pressure Congress into real action."

Now, farbeit for me to call into question the reasoning abilities of the Obot Left commentariat - but if any person or group of persons had the kind of clout it would take to get two thirds of both houses (as detailed in a little scrap of parchment called The 5th Amendment) - why in the seven hells would they use that influence to all a constitutional convention? With that kind of clout, Bowers could easily pass a bill renaming the United States of America to 'The United States of Chris Bower's Happy-Funistan' and there would be no one to say him nay.

That; the Obots are buying into this DP shill's fantasy with the fervor of fanatic fundies at a tent stake revival isn't much of a surprise. The only question remaining, what is Bowwow angling to switch for the magical constitutional pony? Given his MO, (the health care debacle, for example) something so grandiose must be the bait for something astonishingly paltry. What could it be? Coffee coupons? A box of steak knives?

Post-eleciton Rationalization Roundup

2010-01-20T10:27:00.000-08:00

"Coooooooakley!"

Alas, a Pwog - "I'm desperate for Our Team to win. But, it doesn't matter who gets elected because Our Team wins either way. But, it's the economy's fault if we don't win. So there!"

Balk the Left - "This loss means Our Team will win big big big in November! Yay Team! Whooooot!"

Diggly-Wiggly - "It's the center-right-left-center-left-right Democrats fault!"

Extreeeeeeem - "God-Emperor Obama is wonderful! The election loss mean's nothing, understand? Nothing! And it's all the stupid idiot dummyhead Massachusetts voters fault anyway!"

Gesundheit - "Oh well. Ho-hum. I'm not worried. Not in the least. First!"

Newspwoggers - "Coakley was an awful candidate, and she ran an awful campaign. That's why it's not so bad, see? And besides, just because I support and campaign and vote for warmongering bloody-handed corporate fucktards doesn't mean I bear any responsibility when they blow toddlers into bloody chunks with cruise missiles. Plus, I can lose weight by eating ice cream! These polls prove it!"

Obot Left - "Coakley was an awful candidate, and she ran an awful campaign. Because, who really cares what her record is. Anyway, here's a couple dozen irrelevant charts to prove it."

Panderdome - "Those stupid stupid voters! They're so fucking stupid! Stupid! Only God-Emperor Obama can save us now!"

Pwogman! - "Coakley was an awful candidate and she, aw fuck! I can't even bring myself to cut-and-paste from the listserv."

Shake-A-Puddin' - "The media is teh awful! Validate my opinion, proles!"

Grampa - "Gud'damn terrists...zzzzzzzz."

Rudy - "Fucking weasel fucking goddamn shit fucking republicans shit fuck BUY MY CD!"

Trouble in Paradise

2010-01-07T10:22:00.000-08:00

Don't look now, ladies and Germans, but there's a Gotterdammerung sized storm a brewin' above the caring, nurturing, nauseating cult ashram better know to lovers of the absurd as Shakeytown. What's it about this time? Does it really matter?

No, not really.

Ya see, Shake-A-Puddin's hissyfits run on a schedule more predictable than Old Faithful. If Amtrak ran with such precision and regularity it would have been bought out and disassembled by the oil corporations as a threat to their profit margins. Not that Shakeytown should be any different than any other personality cult. Jonestown had regular loyalty drills (plus better quality kool-aid) and the Branch Davidians had to endure self-pitying diatribes from messiah-wannabe David Koresh not all that different in content from Melissa's weepy/angry missives.

The theme of this one is "we all make mistakes so shut up and love me" which, if I recall correctly, is a repeat from last summer. But I'm too lazy to check and anyway the Drama Queen has already stomped off with many tearful warnings of shutting down threads that don't meet her high standards of fawning adoration. All that's left to do is sweep up the blood and entrails, then comb the ruins and pick out a sampling of the more hilarious bits from the comments section. Like, say:

"I don't believe a presumption of good faith should have to be earned — though of course if it is to be earned, it is surely true that Melissa has..." (Because I have always relied on the kindness of strangers.)

"Disagreements are hurtful when they are(as Melissa said in the post) "engaging in ad hominem attacks (The Green Party, uh, took my shoe!), using silencing tactics (This thread is closed!), jumping to unfounded conclusions about allegedly reprehensible motives (Ralph Nader hates God, The Country and The Holy Democrat Party!!!), or in some other way accusing me of acting in bad faith."

"She takes an incredible amount of vitriol here in her own space and still has the compassion to open her inbox to random strangers on the internet..." (Why, she's just like Saint Damien de Veuster - but without all that annoying leprosy.)

"I hope Melissa has a lovely weekend full of kittehs, Scotsman, naps and snacks." (Kittehs, Scotsmen, Naps and Snacks - the new slogan of the Obama administration.)

"This is HER blog. She is, in fact, at the center of all that happens here and has the scars to prove it." (Like a combination of Narcissus and Sparticus if both were needy hyper-sensitive intarweb dweebs.)

Well, Of Course!

2010-01-04T03:57:00.000-08:00

Something I forgot to mention last decade. Just so everybody knows, a few days ago Pander asserted that she is, in fact, The Left.

So, you know, everyone can relax now.

No, I'm not kidding. Obot Pander actually claims, in the middle of a lip-frothing batshit-insane screed against the everything non-democrat party, that she is, in-deedy-do, The Left. Don't believe me?

"Anyway, the point is that I’m The Left"

And not just any left, mind you. She's The Left, ya know? There is no other Left than Pander. Any Left you may think exists to the left of her is a mere fignewton of your imagination. She is - THE LEFT.

Later that same post, Pander goes on to imply that she is a "DFH" (That's "Dirty Fucking Hippy" in Obot speak. Essentially a conservative democrat.) Now, a brief skimming of her blog reveals Pander is a "DFH" much in the same way that she's, say, a Jacobite, a Yihe Tuan or a member of the Grange. But this delusion appears to be fairly widespread amongst the Obot population who earn their Yearly Kos panelist invites by maintaining a thin veneer of populism.

So, to sum up. Obama is Jesus. Amanda Marcotte is The Left.

Any questions?

New Pwogs for Old

2010-01-04T03:29:00.000-08:00

Extreeeeeeme!

Haven't been posting much because, well, fuck, real life happens. Anyroad, please welcome a new pwoggie to the herd, Extreeeeeme Obot!

Extreeeeeme is more than just a blindly Obama worshiping personality cultist Koswhack. Sure, all the usual fear mongering, rationalization, lesser evilism, crackpot realism, mendacity, pettifoggery, simony and antinomianism are there. But, Extreeeeeme has a certain broad clueless quality that other Obots will find hard to match. The sort of je-nai-se-dumb that leads him to write, in a truly pathetic attempt at a hit piece on film producer/political gadfly Jane Hamsher, that Ollie Stone's film Natural Born Killers is a despicable Hollywood glorification of violence and not, as is blindly obvious to anyone who possesses the mental faculties to boil water, an indictment of same.

So, yeah, he's right-out-of-the-packaging new. But I think he's got the potential to be a world class Obot. Or at least more interesting than Big 'Tard.

Blame Canada!

2009-12-22T10:29:00.000-08:00

Obot Left's resident faux-green democrat Natasha Chart is having something of a pwoggie hissy fit. Now you it's a general rule of thumb with pwogwessives that words mean much much more than actions. You don't need actual sticks and stones to scare a pwoggie - names are more than enough. After all, that's the whole raison-d'stupid behind the switch from 'liberal' to 'progressive.'

This particular dust-up was between Chart and author/antiwar activist/Kerry supporter Naomi Klein. Now, being Canadian, Klein probably isn't completely aware of all the nuances of the jellyfish left's doormat strategy when it comes to what's laughingly called "the culture wars" here in the good 'ol Red White & Blue. It's pwoggie doctrine, when confronted by the right's media attack machine, to immediately fall down on the floor and beg not to be kicked. That's pretty much how "liberals" became "progressives."

So, yeah, words. And the word that got up Chart's nose is 'reparations.' In the context of climate change, "reparations" means, in short, that the biggest world polluters should pony up for all the crap they've been spewing into the atmosphere that's been fucking with the worlds climate. That's how Klein, and most of climate change activists, use it.

You can read the gory details of the Chart-Klein brouhaha here. But the thing is, to Nutroots Nation shill-wannabes like Chart, the word 'reparations' carries with it the stigma of African-American reparations. An entirely different context, sure - but one that gets the right wing attack machine frothing at the mouth at it's mere mention. And we wouldn't want that, would we?

Like her masters, Chart knows that pandering to the conservative's base is the name of this nasty little game. The underlying assumption (one that certainly isn't limited to merit class pwogs) is that the American people are too pig-fucking-ignorant to discern what 'reparations' means in the context of climate change as opposed to 'reparations' for slavery. These intellectual inferiors must be mushroomized by their betters for their own good.

Instead, the brilliant pwogwessive solution is to change the word to something else. Something more benign and friendly like "climate debt" or "historical pollution atonement" or some such shit. That'll make it easier for their God-Emperor to institute his 11th dimensional chess strategy and get the big polluters to cough up enough dough to avoid the worst of the drought sure to strike Africa and maybe keep a few hundred thousand Pacific islanders from losing everything they own.

A simple review of the Obama administration's actions at Copenhagen reveals just how much they care about the effects of our pollution on other countries. (To sum it up for you, the official position is, in technical language, "We Don't Give A Fuck.") But delusional pwogs like Chart have convinced themselves that God-Emperor Obama really really-and-for-truly secretly want to help, but he's prevented because he can't use the word 'reparations' in his world-healing speeches. And it's all because those dirty greenie hippies like Klein just don't understand!

I'm an old pwog hand...

2009-12-17T10:31:00.000-08:00

As hopey changey hope for their Public Option Brand toy evaporates like a puddle of piss on a hot day, pwogs are naturally looking for a scapegoat. Fortunately, a ready made target is being provided by our pwoggie bloggie superstars in the shape of Joe Lieberman (I-Israel). Thus the pwog blogs are uniformly awash in a Joe hatin' frenzy the likes of which their freeper cousins usually reserve for Hollywood celebutards.

But that shit is utterly fucking predictable and therefore boring. Let's see if there's anything else our Fauxgressive Superfriends have to say:

No, please, after you...

Alas, A Pwog - "All of us realists know that this is the best health care bill ever passed in the whole wide world and if you don't believe that then you're a sociopathic monster!"

Balk the Left - "The only people who oppose this legislation are sociopathic monst-uh, wait, did someone cover this already?"

Diggly-Wiggly - "I'm a little disappointed in my boyfriend, but, IT'S ALL CONGRESS' FAULT!"

Gesundheit - "Tom Friedman is a sociopathic monster!"

NewsPwoggers - "We think whatever Keith Olberman thinks."

Obot Left - "Our maximum leadership on GLBT rights has produced mighty incremental victories on all fronts, and it's all thanks to me and the elite pwogwessive democrats of progressivism. You may bow before us now."

Pandadroppings - "Some county commissioner somewhere said the word "homo!"

Pwogman - "How DARE you oppose God-Emperor Obama! This is all your own fault, you ungrateful bunch of hippies!"

Shake-A-Puddin - "The rape culture spouse abuseres at Time didn't make teh wonderful and awsum Hillary Clinton "Person of the Year." Teh outrage!!!!!eleventy!!!!"

Grampa - "My asthma meds...the Netherlands...zzzzzzzz."

Lamey - "Motherfucking Bernie Sanders is the best motherfucking democrat in motherfucking history! Motherfuck! Buy my CD!"

Music Video Saturday

2009-12-12T07:09:00.000-08:00

This one goes out to Big 'Tard, Diggly-Wiggly and especially the crew at NewsPwoggers who mouth antiwar platitudes while at the same time support warmongering corporate fuckbots. Fuck the lot of you. Burn in Hell.

Ihre Papieren, Bitte.

2009-12-10T09:31:00.000-08:00

Should it really be any surprise that technocratic merit-school demotards like John Ballard over at NewsPwoggers is so gung-ho over the REAL ID act? How could anyone oppose such a popular idea? Like Gaul, his argument for this intrusive piece of trash legislation is divided into three parts:

1 - Since the average republican wingnut hates the idea, there must be some merit to it. Anyone who would think otherwise is just a militia-joining survivalist luddite! So there!

2 - Europeans have national ID cards, so it must be a good idea! After all, they have national health care, Euro Disney and David Hasselhoff. What could go wrong?

3 - We've already given away what few civil liberties we ever had for a handful of shiny beads. So what's one more infringement? Huh? Answer that one, ya Glen Beck-worshiping birther!

But there's more to this lack of national identification papers than it's being "a national disgrace." (Yes, he actually writes that. I couldn't make that up.) No, the problem is much deeper than that. It's a matter of identity!

You see, without a national ID card, we have "...no uniform way to identify who we are." Yes, we are bereft of identity without a national, biometric ID card with a retina scan and up-to-the-second bank account information. How could you possibly know who you are when you don't have a document? How do any of us know who we are? Oh! The existential dilemma!

Health Insurance Hissy Fits.

2009-12-07T11:02:00.000-08:00

It seems the latest news of the health insurance disaster worming it's way through Congress hasn't fully sunk in to the febrile brains of our elite pwoggie-bloggies quite yet. The crew at Diggly Wiggly, fer instance, appears oblivious (or perhaps just stunned) while Chris BowWow is busy throwing an epic tantrum because some injudicious knave had the temerity to point out that the Obot Left crew are a bunch of ineffectual, pandering little toady-wannabes. Maybe he should build himself a Fortress of Pwogitude like Pwogman!

But a couple of the pwoggie blogs have noticed this new wart on the ugly face of Obama's health insurance give away. Big 'Tard Democrat, a truly heroic know-nothing of the new left, has his usual weasel-word post up on the matter, though it seems less enthusiastic than his usual mindless cheerleading. Is The Big 'Tard losing his taste for Obot Brand Kool-Aid?

Shakey included a link to the story in a "healthcare" roundup posted below her smirking mug, but since the post doesn't contain cat pictures or obscure '80s nostalgia, few Shake-A-Puddin' cultists have noticed. Having her posts draw so few adoring responses is sure to bruise our Bloggin' Queen's delicate sensibilites and an "I Get Letters" style post demanding sympathy and validation is sure to follow. Get with it, Shakies!

(Update: Every pwogs fave-rave sellout BowWow weighs in with one of those faux-gritty not-really-telling-it-like-it-is posts he specializes in. Ya know, as often as he gets kicked by his DP masters, BowWow always returns to beg for those crumbs of recognition and access that keep his little pwoggie blog afloat. Isn't that marvelous?)

(Update: Is is possible that cognitive dissonance has driven BowWow bipolar? First he's throwing a passive-aggressive style tantrum, then he's all happy-dippy-dappy. Has trying to put a happy face on his democrat master's fuckery finally driven BowWow over the brink? Stay tuned!)

Empty Threat Wednesday

2009-12-03T08:30:00.000-08:00

With the God-Emperor's announcement of more troops for the Afghanistan meatgrinder, there's many a twist in many pwoggie panties these days. Despite having abso-tootly-ootly zero credibility when it comes to challenging their democratic party masters, such stalwart pwogs as Diggly-Wiggly regular tristero and Newspwogger Ron Beasley are threatening to boycott their local warmongering representatives in the 2010 up-and-coming.

Of course, such threats aren't to be taken seriously. There's still about a year for them to come up with excuses (or just totally forget they ever made the threat) before the rubber hits the road. "Words Over Actions" is, as we all know, the unofficial motto of pwoggie bloggie "activism." Anyroad, that should be plenty of time for demotard asshats like Chris BowWow and Pwogman! to mollify the recalcitrant jellyfish with hopey-changey brand rationalization for getting out to the polls and sending Senator BloodnGuts (D-Military/Industrial Complex) back to ramp up another slaughter from the safety of their plush DC offices.

With pwoggie capitulation as a forgone conclusion, the only real suspense to be found in this turgid little Z-Grade flick is - what will be the absurd rationalizations that will bring our revolting pwogs back into line? Will it be the standard appeals to lesser-evilism and crackpot realism with a side of sneer? Or will our mealy mouthed pwoggie apologists get creative? Personally, I can't wait to find out. Really. Can't, uh, wait.

Half Right / Half Stupid

2009-11-30T12:46:00.000-08:00

The World According to Big 'Tard Democrat
(Summed up in pictures, as a public service, by DGH.)

"Okay"

"Not Okay."

Pwoggies are funny in a teeth-grinding kind of way. I'm referring to their penchant for combining two different statements, one right and one astonishingly fucking wrong, in a single innocent paragraph. It's the pwoggie bloggie equivalent of covering a bad idea with a good idea, like plague-infected rat brains covered in chocolate, and hoping nobody notices.

And speaking of plague-infected rats, our latest example of this trend comes from the repulsive Big 'Tard Democrat, (the lowest wattage bulb on the Townhouse listserv) who tries to leaven his shitty chickenhawk warmongering with a little obvious social criticism:

"I support the President's policy in Afghaistan. I did not support the Nobel Committee's idiotic granting of its award to President Obama."

Just this once, believe it or not, I am forced to agree with Big 'Tard Democrat. Blowing Afghani women and children apart with hellfire missiles is probably bad form for a Nobel Peace Prize winner. But, unlike Big 'Tard, I'm not in favor of killing them in the first place.

Oh, and FUCK YOU, Big 'Tard. Srsly. Right in the ear.

Pwog Riders In The Sky

2009-11-25T09:50:00.000-08:00

With the God-Emperor expected to announce an escalation of the Afghanistan Bloodbath any day now, lets check in on our herd of fearless activist truth-to-power tellers and see how they're reacting...

Alas, A Pwog - "We must place the cost of the Afghanistan Bloodbath squarely where it belongs, on the backs of the working poor!"

Balk the Left - "We koswhacks must support our Emperor in his mission to murder Afghanis!"

Gesundheit - "Lookit the wingnut!"

NewsPwoggers - "We predict our Emperor's escalation of the Afghan Bloodbath will piss off both those dirty hippie peaceniks and those bloodthirsty warhawks. (Wow, writing this stuff sure is easy when you don't take sides! Weeeee!)"

Obot Left - "I-know-you-are-but-what-am-I?"

Pandadroppings - "Lookit the wingnut!"

Pwogman! - "Lookit the wingnut!"

Shake-A-Puddin' - "Someone sent me a nasty e-mail, so I'm demanding extra praise today. Plus, off with their heads!"

Lamey - "I'm on this wingnut mailing list and, uh, and, FUCKCOCKSHITBALLSBUYMYCD!!!"

Afghanistan Bananastand

2009-11-20T05:29:00.000-08:00

Koswhack Big Turd Demotard recently got a crumb from his DP masters in the form of a conference call with Snarlin' Arlen Specter (R/D/Weves - PA) and was dazzled by the veteran scumbag's double-shuffle on Afghanistan.

Senator Specter's position is that he opposes troop increases in Afghanistan and even questions maintaining troops in Afghanistan unless the effort is "indispensable" to the conflict with al Qaida.

Golly! In demotard circles, that almost makes Senator Sphincter a dirty hippie peacenik. Of course, just a cursory inspection of Specter's actual voting record reveals his real chickenhawk feathers. Specter never met a bloody-handed slaughter he didn't like. But real actions made by real people in the real world are generally dismissed by fauxgressive warhumping fucktards like BTD as "cherry picking." With pwoggies, actions mean nothing. Words are everything.

That's the Pwog Calling the Liberal Cowardly!

2009-11-18T09:22:00.000-08:00

Shorter Diggly-Wiggly:

It was those mean republubthuglicklicans that made me call myself a pwogwessive instead of a wibberal. Plus, this CNN poll proves the House health insurance bill is juuuuust right.

Pwog Bites Man!

2009-11-16T15:08:00.000-08:00

Chris BowWow, the noisy pwogwessive poodle of the demotard party, is yapping his fuzzy little face off at the those few democratic representatives who would dare deny him his public option chew toy. Amongst those threatened with immediate replacement is Dennis Kucinich (D-Hobbiton), perhaps one of the few d-side representatives actually worthy of support:

"Off-hand, the easiest eight might be Kaptur (Progressive), Murtha (leadership), Boyd (primary challenge), Kissell (threats from donors, doesn't raise money well), Kucinich (Progressive, often faces primary challenges), Massa (Progressive), Murphy (never actually had to win a primary, still might face one) and someone."

Displaying enough gall to divide into three parts, this lackwit of the fauxgressive left states, right after his little hissy-fit hit list, that he himself is not in favor of launching mighty mighty pwogwessive primary campaigns against Kuchinich, et al. Surely not! Oh heavens, no! (But, of course, he couldn't stop anyone from doing so.)

Never mind the public option chew toy is a foul-tasting scrap of Congressional snausage. Nevermind that lameass pwoggie primaries invariably turn to shit. (Who was it that ran against Holy Joe Lieberman? Anybody?) What's really interesting is, because he's occasionally invited to some low-level DP soirees, (thanks to his astonishing ability to raise small amounts of dough from rubes on teh intartubes), BowWow is starting to believe his own press Michael Cimino-style.

And that's the point where his mental illness is our gain. It's one thing to maintain the illusion of clout, but trying to wield it is when the hilarity truly starts.

Avenue Q

2009-11-15T05:53:00.000-08:00

Auto Tune The News 9

2009-11-15T05:38:00.001-08:00

Flobots - There Is A War Going On For Your Mind

2009-11-15T05:29:00.000-08:00

Pwoggie Bloggie Roundup - Now With EXTRA Bold Flavor

2009-11-09T13:43:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since we roped and branded a few pwoggie doggies, so here's the health ~~care~~ insurance reform legislation wrap up:

Alas, A Pwog - "This is a wonderful historic landmark bill that will solve everything. Except for the Stupak amendment."

Balk the Left - "This is a wonderful historic landmark bill that will solve everything. Except for the Stupak amendment."

Diggly Wiggly - "I'm a little disapointed in my boyfriend."

Gesundheit - "This doesn't really have anything to do with me, does it?

Newspwoggers - "This is a wonderful historic landmark bill that will solve everything. Except for the Stupak amendment."

Obot Left - DAMMAGE CONTROL! RED ALERT! RELEASE THE MONKEYS! ALL OBOTS REPORT TO OBOT CENTRAL FOR RATIONALIZATION AND EXCUSE MAKING UPDATES!!!1!!

Pandadroppings - "So this Stupak amendment is really wrong and, hey, did someone just compare me to Glenn Beck? TEH OUTRAGE!!!"

Pwogman - "HRC is an imporatant, um, er, did you know that Sen Franken (D-AIPAC) can draw a map the United States from memory? Teh Awesum!"

Shake-A-Puddin - "Say, you know, I'm getting the feeling that Our Party doesn't really care about...oh look! Movies!"

Grampa - "I just heard this talking point your gonna love. (Mumbles a talking point from sometime around the Crimean War and falls asleep.)"

Lamey - "Suck Jizz Nipple Cock listen to me on Stephanie Miller!"

Happy Guy Fawkes Day, Republicrats

2009-11-05T14:56:00.000-08:00

"God's Will" or Somebody Else's Fault

2009-11-05T12:07:00.000-08:00

The meltdown continues at Obot Left, where the amendment failure in Maine has caused Bink to break his brain. (By George! I think he's got it!) "Maximum Leadership" Bink's conniption is a minor masterpiece of rationalization. He blames, in rough order:

Poor field operation decisions
Undecided voters
The DSCC
Organizing For America
The National Equality March (Big surprise.)
God-Emperor Obama
Sunspots
Biorhythms
The Economy
Ralph Nader
Attention-Deficit Disorder
The Brown Acid
Voters (in general)
The Jersey Devil
Bad Valves
Bad Cholesterol
Bad Bad Leroy Brown
Gypsy Curses
The Curse of the Bambino
Heather Locklear's imminent return to Melrose Place.
China (the country)
Chyna (the wrestler)
Swine Flu
The Grinch
Ralph Nader (again)
Lumberjacks
The White Man's Burden
Disappointing Box Office Returns for Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant.
Ernst Stavro Blofeld
The Dewy Decimal System
Dirty Greenie Hippies
Gansta' Rappers
Chupacabra
Fluoridation
Volcanic Activity
Styx (Especially everything after "Cornerstone")
Poor Ventilation
No socks, no shoes, no service.
That one guy in back who makes that whistling sound when he breathes through his nose. You know the one? Yeah, that guy.
Bad Cell Phone Coverage
Bad Grammar
Bad Company
Russian Nesting Dolls
The Heartbreak of Psoriasis
Kyser Sose
Leprechauns

Of course, the pwoggie's failures to date couldn't have anything to do with their suppression of movements outside of their party, could it? After all, "Maximum Leadership" and his fauxgressive friends have worked tirelessly to drive a spike into anything and everything they don't control, from the Anti-War Movement to the National Equality March. And they've been reasonably successful at it, too.

Does poisoning the well make the water undrinkable? Not if your a pwogwessive like Adam Bink. Pwogs get their water bottled, straight from the DNC and sanitized-for-their-protection. Well water is for peasants.

(Update: The hissy fit rolls on. Adam's decided his masters owe him an apology - and he might even get it if he can keep the gAyTM running. You go, Maximum Leadership!)

It's My Conspiracy And I'll Cry If I Want To

2009-11-04T15:18:00.000-08:00

Last night's elections seem to have made several of the a-list pwogs blow a seam or two. But more on that later. For now, witness:

Shorter NewsPwoggers:

"This new TV show proves, yes proves that anyone who opposes Our Leader's policies is an insane right-wing conspiracy theory nutball! And the MSM is in on it! This is proof! Proof I tell you! Proooooooof!"

The Future of Pwogwessivism

2009-11-03T09:40:00.000-08:00

(This ain't nothin' compared to Shake-A-Puddin.)

Every now and then, some freeper trog-with-a-computer stumbles across every pwogwessive's fave-rave personality cult Shake-A-Puddin' and, in a fit of disorientation, hurls a brickbat or two on his own blog before passing out from his diet of Moonpies and SlimJims.

This may sound like a bad thing, but it's not. Indeed, if this didn't happen occasionally, Melissa would have to invent them. These incidents provide our Intarweb Goddess an opportunity to garner some much needed adulation by proving how horribly persecuted and terrorized she is to her weepy cat-picture-posting mass of nostalgia besotted followers. Here's just a sample of the worship Melissa demands of her "Shakies":

WARNING! -- EXTREMELY HIGH DENSITY ICK AHEAD! -- WARNING!

((hugs)) You are a diamond in a muddy world...

Melissa, you shine like a bright deed in a weary world. (Ed. - This is, believe it or not, a Willy Wonka reference.)

You're so incredibly brave.

I wish you all the warmest hugs and I just... I'm so glad you are as you are.

You're awesome. Truly.

You're quite inspirational, if you didn't already know that.

People with amazing special abilities never feel they're special themselves, because
from the inside, it doesn't feel like anything amazing: it's just how you are.

My eternal and profound thanks to you, and everyone who helps you, for this space,
this content, this sense of tolerance and belonging.

You're wonderful and lovely and strong.

I can't thank you enough for everything.

You give my love a reason to keep going.

Thank you. Your writing and this space are a light shining.

Truly, this happens every time someone says something mean about Melissa and/or Shake-A-Puddin' on Teh Intarwebs. I'm not kidding! Every time some jerk(s) mouth off on a message board, Melissa posts it up on her site and immediately receives the kind of mindlessly reflexive praise that Sun Yung Moon would give his left holy testicle to inspire in his followers. With fanaticism like this, how can poor Emperor Obama compete?

Headzapoppin' 2: Electric Boogaloo

2009-10-31T12:33:00.000-07:00

Meanwhile, at that bastion of DNC ass-kissing - Balk the Left, Big 'Tard Democrat is desperately trying to beat the flames out in his comments section. Seems like someone let slip about a certain AP article which outlines just how crappy the much coveted Public Option Brand toy really is. Unfortunately, he's using an "Impeach the Source" type of squirt gun on the inferno and, like all know-nothing fauxgressive DP shill-wannabe's, Big 'Tard can't take the heat...

Headzapoppin'

2009-10-30T15:31:00.000-07:00

(But you prooooooomised!)

Pwogwessive heads are popping like champagne corks all over the intarwebs upon the news that they might not get the crappy Public Option Brand toy they've been bugging daddy 'Bama for. Even worse, they've been bragging about it to their little friends, pets, passers-by and anyone who'll stand still long enough to listen to their shrill, whiny voices enumerate the wonders of daddy 'Bama and the super-duper Public Option toy they're gonna get.

Well, you can imagine the reaction.

You'll likely find no better example than, MoBetta BowWow, who even now is shrieking like a two-year old (Egotist! Traitor! Ignorant! Waaaaaaaah!) flailing his arms and threatening to drop the banhammer on anyone who even mentions that he's been taken with one of the oldest 'bait and switch' tricks in the book. Check out the comments section for some prime lip-frothing tantrums the likes of which hasn't been seen since Ralph Nader announced his 2004 run.

Pwogman! Strikes Again

2009-10-30T07:37:00.000-07:00

(Thank Obama! It's Pwogman!)

In the tin-foil shiny constellation of Pwoggus Bloggus, no star burns dimmer than that Champion of Pwogwessivism, that hero to faint-hearted faux-liberals everwhere, Pwogman! And the latest addition to his cheerleading routine, issued from deep within his Fortress of Pwogitude, is a real doozy, kids. Whilst dribbling on Friedman-style about something of which he's completely ignorant, Honduras in this case, Pwogman! actually-and-for-true wrote:

"I can't think of another example, either, but that is mainly because this is the first time America has sided with democrats against its own ostensible business-interests."

Ladies and Germans, this is proof positive that Pwogman! truly is the superhero of the pwogwessive world. How do I know? Because the amount of sheer, unadulerated, 100% USDA inspected prime stupid used to construct a statement like that could only have been made by someone who could take ordinary stupid and crush it down to a pure, concentrated, heat-fused, essence of stupid with his bare hands. It's Super-Stupid!

Of course, anyone who has a couple of functioning braincells and the ability to read simple sentences knows about the God-Emperor's support for the Honduran coup regime, that regimes horrific slaughter of dissidents and the sham elections gearing up to lend a thin veneer of legitimacy to the coup. One only has to read Neil's column over at A Lovely Promise or Phoenix Woman's famous debunking of administration lies about the coup to get a fair idea of what's going on in Honduras.

So how could Pwogman! be so astonishingly, astronomically, and other words that begin with a-ingly wrong? Speculation abounds. My own theory is that the Fortress of Pwogitude is literally made of Super-Stupid, a stupid so dense that no truth can possibly penetrate. Thus, Pwogman's inner sanctum would be impervious to the obvious truth about his God-Emperor's support for the Honduran coup.

Fix ballots for Pwogwess!

2009-10-29T09:59:00.000-07:00

Shorter Pwogman!

"You know, Our Party has a long history of rigging ballot laws against inherently evil third party and independent candidates, and I'm grateful for that. But maybe it's time we start our own party-within-a-party. We could call it The Spineless Progressive American Drone Democrats of America for Progress. Could somebody check with Nancy Pelosi and see if it's okay?"

STFU, Faggots!

2009-10-29T05:53:00.000-07:00

Shorter Adam "Maximum Leader" Bink @ Obot Left:

"Okay, here's your goddamn crumb from Emperor Obama. Now shut the fuck up forever and buy my book!"

(It should be noted that Adam appears to still be in a snit over the unauthorized-by-the-gay-elite National Equality March thing, so he's probably been a wee bit on edge lately.)

Pwogs Declare Pyrrhic Defeat

2009-10-27T09:57:00.000-07:00

First of all, the pwoggie bloggie elite would like you to know that the inclusion of a public option in the senate heath insurance giveaway bill is a massive, massive historic progressive victory in the most progressive historical era ever in the history of massive progressive victory history. Or something like that.

At the same time, these crackpot-realist pwogwessive jellyfish caution their followers, (sometimes in the same fucking paragraph) that it's not good to be too optimistic that the much coveted, sought after and slobbered over public option will actually do much of anything to reduce the average peasants health care costs. After all, this is sausage making, you dirty fucking hippy. Now shut up and send your check in to ActBlue!

Pot...Kettle...You Do The Math.

2009-10-26T09:29:00.000-07:00

Living Colour - Cult Of Personality
Uploaded by krematoria. - Watch more comedy videos and sitcoms.

From Shake-A-Puddin', Teh Bestestest Evar Website On Teh Intarwebs Evar BBF LOL, comes this little gem of utter zombiefied cluelessness:

"I'm endlessly ~~fascinated~~ amused by conservatives' obsessive need to consume nothing but conservative media. It's not good enough to listen to music or watch a movie or whatever, they're constantly seeking conservative music."

The Shake-A-Cultist, I've already forgotten which one it is (and, really, does it matter?) goes on to snark at conservitards for their tendency to prefer Fox News and Garth Brooks over MSNBC and Pearl Jam. My gosh, what a brilliant observation! Why, there ought to be a website devoted to just that subject.

Let's remember context. This statement appears on one of the premier pwoggie cult websites, a place dedicated entirely to the emotional, intellectual and financial support of a single guru-wannabe whose idea of political activism is posting pictures of her cats for the adulation of her braindead followers. (If only there were a website devoted to just that subject.)

NO dissent is tolerated at Shake-A-Puddin' lest it interrupt their efforts at "teaspooning." (A concept which I have abso-tootly-ootly NO desire to investigate, as I have a low tolerance for 'ick'.) In Melissa's Fabu Kingdom, even the mildest disagreement with Her Highness' pronouncements is banhammered into oblivion. Nothing is allowed to disturb her beautiful mind. Shake-A-Puddin' is a veritable intarweb fortress, safe from the constant efforts of bullies and trolls and and and orcs and goblins and ghouls and vampires and zombies and the Taliban and dirty greenie hippies and Mobutu Sese Seko and the Basque Separatists and neo-nazi cannibals and John Kenneth Galbraith and just everybody who is trying to marginalize and silence her unique and gifted voice.

{sob}

Truly, the Intarweb is the only place where McEwan's batshit insanity could go unremarked. Well, and maybe Utah. But that's as may be. Certainly Melissa has created for herself a "safe space" where her every little middle-class merit school opinion is instantly validated by her hand-picked cadre of droolcase pwogwessive cultists. And why not? Wouldn't everyone like to build a little snow fort from which they can pitch snowballs at the cold, cruel world outside?

The fact that Shake-A-Puddin' is little more than the pwoggie mirror reflection of sites like Little Green Turdballs never dawns on our neurotic teaspooning intarweb goddess and her gutless pack of craven toadies. How else would statements like the above be possible? In the bi-polar world of pwoggies and freepers, self-awareness is something that happens only to other people.

Are you all done barking, little dog?

2009-10-22T14:42:00.000-07:00

Mo'Betta Bowers (Actual Size)

Over at Obot Left, Mo'Betta BowWow all but admits he doesn't give a fart in a high wind what's actually in the 'public option' just so long as there's something he can call a 'public option' so he can go home and concentrate on Dancing With The Stars or whatever. But hey! I can't be bothered either, since:

1 - I'm enjoying a spiffy new flash game on ArmorGames called Clockwords - Prelude.

and

B - Emperor Obama already cut a deal, probably much like this one, with his health insurance industry buddies.

So, yeah, there's zero suspense here except for that generated by fauxgressive DP flacks for their droolcase demozombie followers. Pantomime activism is a pretty good way to keep the proles in line and get yourself invited to all the right cocktail parties, but it's not terribly exciting viewed from the outside.

Trust me, the flash game is far more interesting.

All Praise the God-Emperor! - Part Umpity-Zillion

2009-10-20T11:57:00.000-07:00

Something on the wind is making the herds of pwoggie faithful nervous. Maybe it's the bloody escalation of the Afghanistan slaughter. Or maybe they're finally sensing the long hoped for and coveted public option is going to be just another pathetic bait and switch. What ever the cause, another of the "Dare To Believe The Dream Of Hope For Change" posts has popped up, this time at courtesy of DP flack-wannabe Mike Lux at Obot Left.

As faux-liberal think pieces go, it's pretty much more of the same. First the usual "most important historical era ever in the history of ever" drivel. Then comes the booklicking; comparing God-Emperor Obama to Washington, Lincoln, FDR, Ghandi, Nelson Mandela, Saint Sebastian, Jesus, Osiris, Paul Bunyan and some guy named "Remo." And then the inevitable exhortation to Obama's glassy-eyed personality cultists to keep following Dear Leader into the glorious future where Ipods rain down on the faithful and cluster bombs rain down on brown people.

Here, as the strippers say, is the blow off:

If progressives, and regular working Americans, see Obama pick a side- our side- and really fight for it, no matter what happens over the next 3 years, we will stick with him and fight for him, too.

Who are we kidding here?

It's the job of party shills like Mike to keep up a wafer-thin pretense of independence, as if there were some instance, however distantly theoretical, in which they might not support their God-Emperor. But only those with the metal capacity of a mildly retarded clam actually believes it.

(Update: Chris BowWow, the annoying-little-yappy-dog-that-everyone-wishes-would-dash-out-into-the street-and-get-run-over of the Democrat Party, joins in the mindless worship with a paean to the God-Emperor's $700 Billion Bank Giveaway. This despite Barofsky admitting that all of the money won't be payed back. Hosanna Superstar!)

Lemme explain how really stupid you are...

2009-10-19T13:25:00.000-07:00

Shorter Mo'Betta BowWow:

"Third party voters aren't stupid because their vote counts for the opposition. That's an arrogant lie! Third party voters are stupid because their vote doesn't count! Haha Dirty Greenies!"

(Hint: BowWow, maybe you don't get the attention swing voters get because your masters and betters don't have to worry about your fucking vote. They already have it, dumbass.)

Ya know, if I get to vote for who goes up against the wall when the revolution comes, I'm gonna vote for BowWow.

(Update: pwoggie pundit-wannabe Paul weighs in with the usual sneering condescension evinced by your average demotard. "Them dirty fucking hippies are crazy!")

Sing Ye Praises To The God-Emperor

2009-10-16T09:44:00.000-07:00

As the A-list pwog blogs frantically work to sell Emperor Obama's mega-give-away to the health insurance corporations as the greatest reform since the Magna Fucking Carta, the lesser pwoggies are busy too. Everyone according to their abilities is the rule, and no one has less ability than personality cultist and full time demotard Shake-A-Puddin. Here she's straining to keep up the glassy-eyed cult forged around their God-Emperor last year:

"What I love most about the Obama presidency so far is its genuine commitment to ethnic multiculturalism. And I love seeing a non-white First Family, and a multi-ethnic non-white First Family, at that. And I love pictures..."

You can read the usual hosannahs to Shakey's wisdom in the comments, but I wouldn't recommend it. Anyone who dared disagree Shakey has long ago been purged, leaving a Whitman's variety assortment of faux-liberal shut-ins, weak minded lesser-evilists and cat picture enthusiasts.

In short, the remaining cultists are a moderately unbearable lot. I'm brought to wonder, though, if Shakey is as impressed with her Emperor's multi-ethnic approach to bombing and torture. Maybe that's what she means by Obama's "genuine commitment."

100% of My Friends Agree I'm Wonderful

2009-10-15T10:09:00.000-07:00

Somehow I missed this little comedic gem in the general dross of a statement issued from the Fortress of Pwogitude yesterday.

"We have clout. But we lose clout when we're seen as uncharitable blowhards. Most of the bloggers that I respect expressed agreement with what I wrote."

Where the fuck do I start? With Pwogman's delusional assertion he has "clout" with his God-Emperor? The even wackier claim that this imaginary clout is dependent on his being nice to said God-Emperor? Or Pwogman's irrefutable proof of his own correctness - that his pwoggie bloggie friends all agree with him?

Oh, but wait! There's more!

"Nobody is harder to bullshit than the people of the progressive blogosphere."

Wait a minute...I think we have a winner.

Remember, this issued from Pwogman - a brown-nosing koswhack pundit-wannabe who has dedicated years to swallowing his DNC master's bullshit and shitting out sparkly rainbows of rationalization for his fan base of lesser-evil know-nothings. Pwogman is literally made of bullshit. That the spineless fauxgressive bobbleheads he calls "friends" all agree with him should only serve as the final indication that whats issuing from his Fortress of Pwogitude should be treated as the toxic sludge it most assuredly is.

Fwo him to the gwound, Centurwion!

2009-10-14T10:01:00.000-07:00

(The NewsPwoggers)

A quick scan of the pwog blogs brings us this astonishingly stupid comment from the NewsPwoggers political commissar:

"The strongest weapon for party discipline is the incumbent challenge primary."

I will wager you that a more counter-factual statement will not be made today outside of the UFO blogs. Incumbent re-election rates hover in the 95% bracket across the board. Everyone who hasn't been living in Koswackistan knows this. I mean, fuck, Joe Fucking Lieberman lost his primary and still got re-elected (with massive DP support.)

How these Cheeto-stained pajama wearing couch-dwellers think they can send $20 to ActBlue and call it "activism" is beyond me. But even more hilarious is their fervent belief that their DP masters and betters give a ripe shit about the little Ned Lamonts of the pwoggiesphere.

Because, truly, the only purpose these pwoggie candidates serve is to suck up money and support from the gullible boobs that follow the A-list pwogs. It's not to keep people in the DP so much as it is to keep them out of movements independent of their control.

Pwogman to the Rescue!

2009-10-13T10:22:00.000-07:00

As fallout over the administration's little truth-slip continues, Pwogman is forced to employ his mighty powers of STFU in order to quell the disturbances in rank-and-file pwogwessives:

"Ooh, some big, bad White House adviser defended the administration against one more heated attack. My feelings are hurt. Guess what? You should get over it."

Aside from making some truly bizarre claims ('Obama has ended torture, prevented the Second Great Depression and cured all forms of cancer with his Holy Hope for Change!') Pwogman's point is that only he and his do-nothing demoshill pwoggie brethren are allowed to criticize the God-Emperor. Harrumph! Harrumph!

Why? Well, because they support Him uncritically and unconditionally in everything He does! So, of course, Obama must love them the best of all! And all you hyper-critical Hillary supporters have to STFU in the face of superior pwoggie Hope for Changeyness! So there! Eleventy!

I don't know about you, Dear Readers. But it looks to me like the pwogs have finally joined their freeper cousins in the Broken Brain Club for Political Naifs.

Speaking only for me.

(Update: Violet Socks has formulated the perfect response to Pwogman's pathetic little temper tantrum.)

(Update: Big Tent Demotard, representing the crackpot realist Clintonista wing of the pwoggiesphere, weighs in with his own STFU. He's not nearly as good as Pwogman mind you. But that's why he's Pwogman! if you get my drift.)

Putting Out The Flames

2009-10-12T13:33:00.000-07:00

A White House flack let slip the truth about elite opintion re: fags and bloggers. Now their pwoggie bloggie minions are twirling frantically as they attempt damage control, and nowhere is the twirling more frantic than Obot Left. The casually truthful remark has prompted multiple posts from the deadly duo of pwogwessive opinion makers BowWow & Bink in a desperate attempt to beat out the flames of pwoggie indignation.

Frankly, I'm not entirely sure why they're bothering. Everyone knows the DP has abso-tootly-ootly nothing to fear from the clutch of spineless Regan Democrats calling themselves "progressives." They'll always vote for whatever corporate scumbag has a 'D' next to it's name and they milk easy for cash. As a political movement, they're about as threatening as a mildly retarded hamster. There's simply no down side to insulting them to their spotty, Cheeto-stained faces. I guess what I'm sayin' is:

Why not kick a pwog?

(Update: Mo'Betta accepts the WH apology on behalf of all pwogs everywhere. Could this be the year BowWow's well established piss-yellow gutlessness reach legendary status?)

Ig Nobel Awards

2009-10-09T05:28:00.000-07:00

Today's Headlines - US Emperor Wins Peace Prize! Pwoggies Twirl In Ecstacy! Meanwhile - US, Afghan forces kill Afghan child in raid. And now, lets check the pundits...

Alas, a pwog - Barry won a Nobel. Lookit the wingnuts!

Balk the Left - Mr President - turn down this award!

Diggly Wiggly - This is the final proof that all Repububthuglugrapelickans are TERRORISTS!!!1!!eleventy!!!1!! (Via Ko$)

Gesundheit - This award for our Emperor proves once and for all that Charles Krauthammer is a big ol' stupidhead!

NewsPwogs - Shouldn't we wait for our Emperor to do something to deserves this honor? Or not. Whatever.

Obot Left - Pwogwess At Last! All Mildly Hail Our Emperor Obama Who Hath Our Skeptical And Unwavering Support!

Pandadroppings - Wait until I finish this mix tape...

Pwogman! - Hurrah for Emperor Not-Bush! Send in your checks now, suckers!

Shake-A-Puddin - Well, uh, we, um, uh...fer Gawd's sake, tell us what to think Melissa!

Grampa - Eh? Whut? Git offa mah lawhn!

Lamey - Hooray for Our Emperor! Buy my CD! Fuck!

(Update: Diggy - Lookit the wingnuts! Haw! My boyfriend rocks!)

(Update: Mo'betta BowWow - Yay team! Go team go! Whooooooooot!)

(Update: Dave "Send Your Checks In" Sirota - Hastens to assure the Pwoggie ATM they can disagree with the DNC and still be nice little obedient pwogwessives. Plus, you can vote for warmongering democrats and still be anti-war. Plus, you can lose weight by eating ice cream. Comments Update: "Traitor!")

"I'll Give You Such A Pinch!"

2009-10-06T14:18:00.001-07:00

Shorter Sirota @ Obot Left

"Say, has anyone else noticed that our electoral system is totally fucked and the Democrats are total fucking corporate sellouts?"

Shorter Pwogman!

"Anybody But Bush! Anybody But Bush! Naderite! Traitor! Narcissist! Burn him! Buuuuuuurn him!"

Environmental Clusterfuck

2009-10-06T10:59:00.000-07:00

This is how bad things have gotten.

Over at Obot Left, (Home Base for the Demotard Droolcase) Natasha takes Third Way greenwash expert Bob Shapiro to the woodshed for missing the obvious solution to our CO2 problem. Grow more trees! This, she asserts, will reduce atmospheric CO2 concentrations down to the 350 level by absorbing the CO2 out of the air.

Sadly, no.

Perhaps it has never dawned on Natasha that trees generally don't grow to the height where the CO2 we're talking about is. Maybe Natasha is a city-dweller and is unfamiliar with how tall trees get. Hard to believe, since she helpfully cites the Wiki for 'tree' in her article, but not outside the realm of possibility. More probably, however, is that Natasha is just another smug little pwogwessive dumbass who doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about.

But let's say we're talking about the CO2 trees can reach, not just the CO2 that's already driving us passed the 45o mark. We can use trees to create carbon sinks that will capture and (temporarily) store CO2. She'd got that much right. But we can't grow these sinks fast enough to significantly reduce CO2 concentrations unless we reduce our already rapidly rising CO2 emissions in the first fucking place.

But that's not the funny part.

This is level to which environmental discussion has fallen on the pwoggie blogs. Natasha the pwog is looking to score some debate points off of Shapiro the DLC'er in true useless do-nothing pwoggie-bloggie fashion. Natasha doesn't know enough to care and Shapiro doesn't care enough to know. If these two get married, their children will be made of 100% apathy.

And that's the funny part.

Not very funny, but accurate...

2009-10-05T18:47:00.000-07:00

Darn Them All To Heck!

2009-10-05T10:17:00.000-07:00

Chris Mo'Betta BowWow, who is such a DP lapdog that he regularly gets invited to yap on TV chat shows, is raising the standard of revolution!

"Incivility is not the source of our problems. However, thinking that our problems are caused by things like incivility is a major problem we face. If we keep suggesting fake, bullshit solutions to serious problems, then we will never get to the actual source of those serious problems and thus have no chance of solving them."

Really? Bullshit solutions. Hmmm. You mean like Cap and Trade? Public Options? COIN? In fact, just about every policy puppydog Chris' party has dumped on the people of the American Empire and it's victims all over the fucking world???

Fuck you, Chris. Seriously. Fuck you right in the ear, you shitty little fauxgressive fuck.

BowBow Breaks the Toady Meter

2009-10-01T14:37:00.000-07:00

Shorter Mo'Betta BowBow:

How DARE you dirty greenie hippies object to our masters giving themselves more money and staff! Don't you know our masters are so destitute they have to have our friendly lobbyist backers write legislation for them? Now get back in line and send in your checks to ActBlue!

Back in the Saddle Agin...

2009-09-28T13:24:00.000-07:00

(Video courtesy of MediaGhost)

That the small group of bloggers we mock here at DFH are a feckless bunch of couch-wanking turds whose only interest is to see their "team" win "the big game" (like politics is a fucking college football game) is pretty much self evident. But, really, you don't particularly need me to show you this bunch of self-congratulating circle-jerkers are the ass-end of the demotard party.

Keeping that in mind, lets see what our klubhouse kids reported about the G-20 protests in Pittsburgh last week. You may have heard about them. They're the ones where protesters and students were gassed, clubbed, shot with rubber bullets and disappeared for the dastardly crime of marching without a permit.

Alas, a Pwog - Nothing

Balk the Left - Zip

Diggly - A single article on the use of the LRAD and that's only so she could make a shitty pun.

Gesundheit - Nada.

NewsPwogs - Wins the Douchebags of the Year Award for actually criticizing the protesters being gassed, bludgeoned, shot, etc. Fuck these guys sideways. Srsly.

Obot Left - A single article written only so they could link to Diggly's shitty pun.

Pandadroppings - Nothing.

Pwogman - Zero.

Shake-A-Puddin - Nil.

Grampa - Whut? Wuzzat? {Snore}

Lamey - Fuckity Fuckity GlenBeckFuck! Listen to me on Stephanie Miller!

Why do these Imperial crimes go unreported on the pwoggie blogs? Sure, they're democrats, so they're by definition good citizens of the Empire. But is that really the reason? I'm not sure.

Maybe it's because nothing ever really touches this mealy-mouthed soft-fingered cringing bunch of suburban mandarins. They don't give a shit about health care reform because if they did they'd be fighting tooth-and-nail for single payer. No, the only reason the care at all is because they were promised a "public option"- an all-but-useless agglomeration of half-reforms and band-aids. Now that it looks like they might not get even that, they're kicking and screaming and pitching a tantrum like toddlers who've had their collective lollypop yanked away.

In the end, well, look at it this way - the Empire had to deploy 4000+ cops to deter the Sept 24th protesters. How many riot cops do you think they'd need to deter the mighty forces of the intarweb pwogwessives. (Hint: you can deduce the answer by examining the above list.)

Get The Fuck Over It!

2009-09-18T10:30:00.000-07:00

There's nothing more exasperating than a pwogwessive with hurt feelings. Witness the constant, unending whining of BMB Bink, a regular at Obot Left, whose concern trolling over the National Equality March would make a saint want to slap Adam's pissy little face with a cestus.

His continued jihad against Cleve Jones (a "Random Gay Activist" apparently) and really anyone not under the thumb of his little cadre of elite DNC gays, has become more teeth-grindingly annoying than a roomful of Andy Dick clones. Go read Adam's passive-aggressive masterwhine if you dare. I can't bring myself to even quote that piece of shit.

(Update: On the other hand, let's go with Adam's oh-so-strategic plan and wait for our masters and betters to throw us a dime from their limo. With friends like this, I'm sure it'll only take thirty or forty years.)

G-20 Sided Dice

2009-09-16T20:01:00.000-07:00

Posting will be light, as I'm off to visit beautiful Pittsburgh for the G-20 summit of robber barons. See you on the streets!

(Update: The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat has published a truly invaluable series of visitor guides to Pittsburgh. I personally plan to use them instead of Fodors.)