Monday, September 28, 2009

Back in the Saddle Agin...

(Video courtesy of MediaGhost)

That the small group of bloggers we mock here at DFH are a feckless bunch of couch-wanking turds whose only interest is to see their "team" win "the big game" (like politics is a fucking college football game) is pretty much self evident. But, really, you don't particularly need me to show you this bunch of self-congratulating circle-jerkers are the ass-end of the demotard party.

Keeping that in mind, lets see what our klubhouse kids reported about the G-20 protests in Pittsburgh last week. You may have heard about them. They're the ones where protesters and students were gassed, clubbed, shot with rubber bullets and disappeared for the dastardly crime of marching without a permit.

Alas, a Pwog - Nothing

Balk the Left - Zip

Diggly - A single article on the use of the LRAD and that's only so she could make a shitty pun.

Gesundheit - Nada.

NewsPwogs - Wins the Douchebags of the Year Award for actually criticizing the protesters being gassed, bludgeoned, shot, etc. Fuck these guys sideways. Srsly.

Obot Left - A single article written only so they could link to Diggly's shitty pun.

Pandadroppings - Nothing.

Pwogman - Zero.

Shake-A-Puddin - Nil.

Grampa - Whut? Wuzzat? {Snore}

Lamey - Fuckity Fuckity GlenBeckFuck! Listen to me on Stephanie Miller!

Why do these Imperial crimes go unreported on the pwoggie blogs? Sure, they're democrats, so they're by definition good citizens of the Empire. But is that really the reason? I'm not sure.

Maybe it's because nothing ever really touches this mealy-mouthed soft-fingered cringing bunch of suburban mandarins. They don't give a shit about health care reform because if they did they'd be fighting tooth-and-nail for single payer. No, the only reason the care at all is because they were promised a "public option"- an all-but-useless agglomeration of half-reforms and band-aids. Now that it looks like they might not get even that, they're kicking and screaming and pitching a tantrum like toddlers who've had their collective lollypop yanked away.

In the end, well, look at it this way - the Empire had to deploy 4000+ cops to deter the Sept 24th protesters. How many riot cops do you think they'd need to deter the mighty forces of the intarweb pwogwessives. (Hint: you can deduce the answer by examining the above list.)

Friday, September 18, 2009

Get The Fuck Over It!

There's nothing more exasperating than a pwogwessive with hurt feelings. Witness the constant, unending whining of BMB Bink, a regular at Obot Left, whose concern trolling over the National Equality March would make a saint want to slap Adam's pissy little face with a cestus.

His continued jihad against Cleve Jones (a "Random Gay Activist" apparently) and really anyone not under the thumb of his little cadre of elite DNC gays, has become more teeth-grindingly annoying than a roomful of Andy Dick clones. Go read Adam's passive-aggressive masterwhine if you dare. I can't bring myself to even quote that piece of shit.

(Update: On the other hand, let's go with Adam's oh-so-strategic plan and wait for our masters and betters to throw us a dime from their limo. With friends like this, I'm sure it'll only take thirty or forty years.)

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

G-20 Sided Dice

Posting will be light, as I'm off to visit beautiful Pittsburgh for the G-20 summit of robber barons. See you on the streets!

(Update: The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat has published a truly invaluable series of visitor guides to Pittsburgh. I personally plan to use them instead of Fodors.)

Monday, September 14, 2009

You are cordially not invited...

The natives must be restless. Paul Rosenberg, one of the careerist democratic party apparatchik wannabes over at Obot Left, has penned a mighty defense of our corrupt "two party" electoral system. What it breaks down to, of course, is the usual hippie punching, rose garden promising and condescending crackpot realism that issues every now and then from fauxgressive bloggers worried about their invite to next years DP sponsored Nutroots Nation event.

Certainly Paul would want us to quit working on IRV, have all the people we've gotten on school boards and city councils quit, and disband entirely to make room for his oh-so-progressive merit school time servers. But I won't bore you with a take down of this mealy-mouthed inanity, especially since commenters here and here already did it for me. Instead, let me extend an anti-invitation on the behalf of all social and political movements in the US to Rosenberg and the rest of his do-nothing demotard friends.

Paul, Adam, Chris, et al. Please. STAY THE FUCK AWAY.

Thank you.

(Update: "Useful idiots! Stooges!" While desperately trying to stamp out the flames in his comments section, gatekeeper-wannabe Rosenberg loses it completely, spewing a-historical bullshit in ever more frenzied circuits. Hi-larious!)

Saturday, September 12, 2009

The Last One

The Last One

Well they'd made up their minds to be everywhere because why not.
Everywhere was theirs because they thought so.
They with two leaves they whom the birds despise.
In the middle of stones they made up their minds.
They started to cut.

Well they cut everything because why not.
Everything was theirs because they thought so.
It fell into its shadows and they took both away.
Some to have some for burning.

Well cutting everything they came to water.
They came to the end of the day there was one left standing.
They would cut it tomorrow they went away.
The night gathered in the last branches.
The shadow of the night gathered in the shadow on the water.
The night and the shadow put on the same head.
And it said Now.

Well in the morning they cut the last one.
Like the others the last one fell into its shadow.
It fell into its shadow on the water.
They took it away its shadow stayed on the water.

Well they shrugged they started trying to get the shadow away.
They cut right to the ground the shadow stayed whole.
They laid boards on it the shadow came out on top.
They shone lights on it the shadow got blacker and clearer.
They exploded the water the shadow rocked.
They built a huge fire on the roots.
They sent up black smoke between the shadow and the sun.
The new shadow flowed without changing the old one.
They shrugged they went away to get stones.

They came back the shadow was growing.
They started setting up stones it was growing.
They looked the other way it went on growing.
They decided they would make a stone out of it.
They took stones to the water they poured them into the shadow.
They poured them in they poured them in the stones vanished.
The shadow was not filled it went on growing.
That was one day.

The next day was just the same it went on growing.
They did all the same things it was just the same.
They decided to take its water from under it.
They took away water they took it away the water went down.
The shadow stayed where it was before.
It went on growing it grew onto the land.
They started to scrape the shadow with machines.
When it touched the machines it stayed on them.
They started to beat the shadow with sticks.
Where it touched the sticks it stayed on them.
They started to beat the shadow with hands.
Where it touched the hands it stayed on them.
That was another day.

Well the next day started about the same it went on growing.
They pushed lights into the shadow.
Where the shadow got onto them they went out.
They began to stomp on the edge it got their feet.
And when it got their feet they fell down.
It got into eyes the eyes went blind.

The ones that fell down it grew over and they vanished.
The ones that went blind and walked into it vanished.
The ones that could see and stood still
It swallowed their shadows.
Then it swallowed them too and they vanished.
Well the others ran.

The ones that were left went away to live if it would let them.
They went as far as they could.
The lucky ones with their shadows.

-from The Lice, copyright 1977 by W. S. Merwin

Friday, September 11, 2009

Shocked! Yes, shocked I tell you!

The wonder-genius pwogwessives of Obot Left have just this moment discovered there just might be a teensy weensy little corruption problem in our nation's capital. They've found one of our finer lobbyists is greasing Madame Pelosi vis health care insurance legislation. Quelle horreur!

The excuse making began almost immediately in the comments. Cries of 'coincidence!' rang out from the demotard faithful, though personally I like the plan to bribe her with scads of pwoggie cash. Or, better yet, we could get the entire Obot Left crew letters of transit and get them the hell out of Casablanca.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Bestest Pwesident Evar.

A round up of pwoggie bloggie reactions to God-Emperor Obama's latest speech on health care insurance dereform, brought to you as a public service by DGH. No, don't thank me. Just doin' my job:

Alas, A Pwog - "Um, no comment."

Balk the Left - "Our Pwogwessive Bwock will make daddy give us our crappy plastic toy!"

Diggly Wiggly - "Hearken to the words with which God-Emperor Obama commandeth thee!"

Gesundheit - "DRINK! DRINK DRINK! (first!)"

NewsPwoggers - "I never expected anything from the guy I voted into office so I wasn't disappointed. It's true! I wasn't! Plus, that absolves me of all responsibility. Plus, society is to blame."

Obot Left - "This is a massive victory for our Pwogwessive Cause of Hope for Change and totally justifies our unconditional worship of God-Emperor Obama. Bow down! Bow down!"

Pandadroppings - "{Gasp!} Some pissant representative heckled Our President! Oooh! I feel faint..."

Pwogman! - "Obama's made a brilliant castling move in his 11th dimensional chess match! But how will it affect Our Party in 2010?"

Shake-A-Puddin - "Obama's speech sucked. Health care is a right, not a privilege." (Hey! Shakey got something right! Pardon me while I scoop my jaw off the floor.)

Grampa - "Whut? Who? You kids git offa mah lawn!"

Lamey - "Motherfucking cockmongering motherfuckers! Buy my CD!"

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Yes, NOW.

BMB Bink ("Vidkun" to his friends.)

Self-appointed LGBT "leader" Buy-My-Book Bink continues his crusade to keep the pressure off his party and keep the gAyTM pumping out money and votes. Today, instead of shitting on organizers of the National Equality March, BMB aims to dump on the whole movement with finger-wagging little scolds like:

"So screaming at the President for not taking action on every single piece of LGBT rights legislation NOW NOW NOW and resorting to snark and whining is one tactic to pressure the Administration. I'm not sure it's the best one."

Bink presumes to tell people how they should think and what they should do. Strangely, this "advice" always winds up going against those people's best interests and going for the interests of his do-nothing corporate party. Why is it, do you suppose, that slimey DP flacks like Adam are so desperate to retain their second-class citizenship?

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Shorter Short Man's Disease

Shorter Lame Gimick Pundit:

"Don't these Eugene Debs quotes make me look tough? You bet they do. Oops! I'm late for Howard Dean's hourly fellatio!"

He's just not that into you.

Shorter David "Smeagol" Sirota @ Obot Left:

"How could our boyfriend dump us for that nasty Glenn Beck? {Sob!} It doesn't surprise us. No it doesn't. Nuh uh! We saw it coming year ago. Glenn is such an evil bitch! Gawd we hate hate hate him! And after everything we did for the ungrateful bastard. Washing his socks - picking him up from the airport - and this is the thanks we get. And the neocons! And the Blue Dogs! They were against us from the start!

So, do you think he'd take us back?"

Friday, September 4, 2009

You're dead to me.

A grave threat against President Obama has arisen that may threaten the progressive revolution and the very foundations upon which this nation is built. World stability itself may hang in the balance. Fortunately there are a few progressive bloggers fighting hard to safe guard Our Leader, Our Nation and Our Progressive People Powered People. What is that threat? Its...

Behold! The Obot mortal enemy!

Yes! Those dastardly Gayz are out to sabotage God-Emperor Obama's 41 dimensional chess strategy by insisting he live up to his campaign promises! Why can't the gAyTM just shut up and keep dispensing cash and votes like good little pwoggie bloggie doggie democrats? Adam "Buy My Book" Bink at Obot Left explains how the march is sure to be a big ol' failure because, well, he and the Nutroots Nation crowd don't approve. And he's not going! So there!

(Update: Check out BMB Bink try to marginalize Cleve Jones as a "Random Gay Activist" on this Bilerico thread. Way to shoot yourself in the foot, Adam.)

(Update On Mo' Time!: Having moved along the Five Phases of Pwoggie Grief from 'Sneering' to 'Petulance,' BMB Bink throws what we hope will be his last bloggie tantrum on the matter. Stay classy, Adam!)

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Let's Make A Newlywed Feud

As God-Emperor Obama ramps up the carnage in Afghanistan and our embassy in Kabul turns into Col. Kurtz's camp from Apocalypse Now, lets check in on the mighty, mighty, oh-so mighty forces of the pwogwessive punditry...oh, fuck it. Let's skip that for now and have some fun. Lessee, what do other blogs do for easy cheesy blog filler? Hmmm... How about the bloggie version of Bloopers & Practical Jokes? Something like:

The First Annual DGH "Dumbest Comment On A Thursday" Contest

Vote in the comments for your favorite contestant. The winner will receive a "Dumbest Comment" trophy made of genuine cubic zirconium, a copy of the home game, a full set of Random House encyclopedias, a set of cocktail coasters from Dicker & Dicker of Beverly Hills, a box of buffalo steaks and whatever is in the box beside which Carol Merrill is standing. And now, let's meet our newlyweds!

  • Contestant #1 - "Berry self-IDs as black, as far as I know. But although she’s got an Oscar, I’m not sure she’s A-list." (WTF?!? Exactly in what universe does this person live, in which Halle Berry is a white b-list actress? I mean, Halle Freakin' Berry!)
  • Contestant #2 - "More and more I am convinced the opinions of Senators and Representatives are irrelevant. What matters is the weight of real public opinion, and the point where public consensus is finally reached." (Did the meek suddenly inherit the Earth when I wasn't paying attention?)
  • Contestant #3 - "I know there is still in him (Obama - Ed.) a giant plush community organizer letting people make mistakes, but we elected the President of the United States. (This just might be the most incoherent thing any Obot has ever written on teh intarwebs. Srsly.)

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Mo'Betta Anxiety Attack

Over at Obot Left, Mo'betta Bowers wonders if God-Emperor Obama has "kicked us to the curb." Has SuperBlackJesusRegan (as IOZ so aptly characterizes) kicked his faithfull pwoggie bloggie doggies to the curb?

Uh, Mo'betta, you're already in the gutter. Obama doesn't have to soil his wingtips on you.

The Weakest Threat Ever

"Dispirited" is the new "primarying." Balk the Left, Obot Left, Pwogman!, all the fauxgressive kewl kids are using it passive-aggressive style to describe how the "left" wing of demotard party will feel in 2010 if they don't get their cheap plastic Public Option(tm) toy from daddy this year. You can predict with 100% accuracy how the DP elite would react (if they knew, that is.)

So what.

Of course, you, me and everyone we know are fully aware that the Solomont-Clark-Barzun crowd don't give a fart in a high wind whether the pwoggie proles are "dispirited" or "joyous" or "gassy" or "martinized" or whatever when they vote. The self-neutering pwogwessives will obediently troop out to the polls and hit the 'Thank you sir may I have another kick in the crotch' lever no matter what "their" party does and the Advertise Liberally crowd will do their damnedest to make sure they do exactly that, lest the lose their seat at Nutroots Nation next year.

But everyone knows all that. My concern is - if the pwogs insist on making empty threats, couldn't they at least put a little 'oomph' behind it? That whole 'primarying' thing was bullshit, but at least it had a sort of plausibility about it. (If you ignore the 95% incumbent re-election rate, the DNC financial deathgrip on almost all of the state parties and several laws of physics.) But, really, is threatening to be "dispirited" the best they can do now? On the scale of empty threats, that rates right up there with an invasion by Micronesia or a Partridge Family reunion tour.

What are you gonna do next, pwog? Bleed on them?

(Update: One of the NewsPwoggers has cast down the gauntlet! He claims he won't personally vote for any D that votes against their useless plastic crap toy. Cheapass lesser-evilism at it's finest, ladies and germs.)

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

The Peasants Are Revolting!

Shorter Buy-My-Book Bink of Obot Left:
"OMG! Teh Gayz are gonna do something without us! We can't have these second class citizens protesting God-Emperor Obama! We must stop this immediately because, because, er...uh...the recession! That's it! The recession! Harrumph! Harrumph!"
(Note: Bobblehead HousePwog obediently pipes up: "Harrumph! Harrumph!)

Fight! Fight! Fight!

What has the power to unite such disparate voices as Balk the Left, Diggly Wiggly, Gesundheit, the NewsPwogs, Pandadroppings and Pwogman! in a single chorus of opprobrium? I mean, we're talking about a group of bloggers whose opinions run the gamut of political, philosophical and moral thought from A all the way to B! How could anyone or anything get all these unique and special, special voices chanting in unison?

Meet Joe Klein.

Well, this Kein fellow, he must have done something fairly despicable, nu? He must be advocating genocide or torture or the new Madonna album. These influential progressive pundits wouldn't waste precious electrons on anything less! So it's gotta be something like that, right?

Well, no.

Long story short, there's a pissing contest going on between low level DP media flunky Klein and even lower level DP media flunky Glen Greenwald. It's the tiresome kind of you-said-I-said and who-shot-john and blah-blah-blah that fauxgressive bloggers love. And, as we all know, anytime two of the bigger kids get in a playground scuffle, a ring of smaller kids always forms around them.